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I held my disappointment in since Elsie was so happy at the moment. Cake always made her day.
My father smiled sweetly at her – he didn’t do that a lot. “Do you want to go eat it while I speak with Luce?”
She looked confused for a second, but thankfully it didn’t linger on for too long. Her thoughts were consumed by cake, so soon enough, she nodded vigorously. My father gave my mother a pointed look, and she quickly got Elsie in her arms so they could make their way toward the kitchen.
It was never a good sign when my father wanted to speak with me alone. Those talks were never just talks in the past, and they happened frequently. He was not too violent towards his family but told me I pushed his buttons. He didn’t always hit me, but watching him trash everything around us was draining too. He didn’t care as much anymore, but my heart rate skyrocketed when I was left alone with him.
He didn’t have any hopes left for me, but still, I was terrified. I was always going to be terrified of him.
He turned back to me when Elsie and my mother left the room. His expression was iced over, but it was not the worst I had seen him. This was a mediocre level of cruelty for Gino Borelli.
“I heard you sneaked out last night,” he said calmly.
Was that it? I sneaked out at least once a week. He didn’t care anymore. After I lost my virginity at fourteen, I also lost all my value to him. Keeping my legs closed now would not change anything, so he didn’t try to stop me after a while.
I was the trash he couldn’t get rid of.
Why did he act as if he cared? “I went for a walk,” I lied. I didn’t like talking to him about my sex life, even if it was just to taunt him. This way was easier.
“I am sure you did.” His voice is mocking. “You have been free for way too long, Luciana.”
Did he really think what I had was freedom? Maybe it was not the worst fate, but I was not free. “What do you mean?”
“All your siblings have performed their duty to this family. Your brothers are all working hard, and your sisters all made good marriages that benefit us. You, on the other hand, brought us nothing but shame.”
I gritted my teeth, trying to stay calm. I hated his words. I hated what became of my life. “I made a mistake,” I said quietly. I didn’t share his traditional views, but what I did at fifteen was, in fact, a mistake. I didn’t need to wait until marriage, but I wished I had waited for someone I loved or someone closer to my age. “You lost all your love for me because I made one mistake.”
“It was not one time,” he said with ice wrapped around his voice. “And it was a big mistake. How could I praise you after that? You couldn’t have married without bringing us shame. I had to hide you.”
My eyes stung, but I didn’t cry. I was too good at that now. “I didn’t do anything different than any of my brothers. You could have treated me like you did them. You could have made me a part of the family business.”
“You are not a son!” he punched the table furiously. “You destroyed your chances for a good marriage, so now Elsie has to pay for you.”
My blood turned cold. He could yell at me and hit me. He could threaten me all he wanted. I was used to them. I didn’t like it, but I knew I could take it.
I couldn’t take him hurting Elsie. That was my only boundary.
“She has done nothing,” I say with a pleading voice. He loved Elsie. He was only trying to scare me with this.
“Yes,” he nodded. “And that is the sad part. I am not as powerful as I used to be, Luce. I need it back. Since you cannot give me anything, I decided to betroth Elsie. She will be useful, unlike you.”
I shook my head. “No.” I couldn’t let her have that fate. She deserved better.
She deserved to be free.
My father acted like he couldn’t hear me. “I am thinking of Chicago, actually. Even though Salvatore has no sons. Gabriele Falzone from New York has a son, but I really don’t want to be family with that asshole. Chicago is better. They at least have some manners. Salvatore’s Consigliere has a son. Maybe I can talk to him.”
“No!” I yelled. My father’s eyes bulged with surprise at first, but luckily they filled with rage. I didn’t care. I was not letting him hurt Elsie. “You won’t use her.”
He was mad but didn’t lunge at me or smash anything from the table. He looked rather calm. “I need Elsie’s help,” he said calmly. “But if you insist on spearing her, maybe you may help me instead.”
I never wanted to be a pawn in my father’s games. It was dangerous. It would only make me less free, but I could not let him hurt Elsie.
“What do you want?” I asked. He spared me for so long that I thought there was nothing else he could want from me anymore. I was worthless, after all.
My father’s eyes glimmered with mischief, and I wanted to vomit. “Salvatore Vasile has a brother. He is the current heir until his son is born. He is twenty, so I don’t think he will be willing to wait for Elsie to come of age, but you are perfect for him.”
My eyebrows furrowed. I never wanted to have an arranged marriage, but more importantly, for the last four years, I thought I couldn’t even if I wanted to. “You said I was not fit for marriage,” I said, confused. To men in our circle, I was tainted, impure.
