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I jerked back and shoved him in his chest. “Don’t joke about that. You guys are coming back.”
“Of course, sweetheart,” my father promised. “We’ll come back.”
I shot him a glare. “Alive.”
“We’ll do our best,” Jasper said and reached into his pocket, pulling out a silver-wrapped rectangular present. “Can you give this to Carli?”
I stared down at it, my eyes widening. “Where did you get that wrapping paper?”
“I saved up for it. Can you please give it to her? I won’t be able to see her before she gets off work.”
It wasn’t even that. I’d seen Jasper barge into the mesh hall and talk to Carli for over an hour while she cooked. He couldn’t say goodbye because he didn’t want to face her. Instead of arguing, I reached up and took the present from his fingers, showing that I would do as he asked. I would, too, but not until later.
Another horn blew, and we all looked at the door. The men hoisted their bags over their shoulders and stepped towards the door, and I stepped to the side to let them out. My father hesitated as they approached the door and turned back to me. His mouth opened, ready to say something, but as usual, he clamped his mouth shut. My father wasn’t big on emotions, and the only time I’d ever seen him cry was when he woke up to find my mother gone. This whole goodbye thing was not his forte.
“You look just like your mother,” he told me. “White hair and all.”
I snorted but dropped my eyes as the corners burned with tears threatening to fall. I didn’t inherit the ability to shove off my emotions as easily as my father and brother could.
“You’re going to be a great healer, just like her,” my father continued.
From him, it was the highest of praises. But to me, it was a punch in the gut. After Mom had been taken, his teaching me how to fight had been taken off the table. He’d thrown me under his mother's wing to learn all the healing I possibly could. I didn’t want to be a healer, though, even if I was decent at it. I could never match my mother, but I was okay enough.
“Make us proud for when we do come home,” my father said. “I love you, Azula.”
I smiled tightly. “I love you too, Daddy. Love you, Jasper.”
“Love you too, Squirt.” He winked at me.
I wrinkled my nose and stuck my tongue out at him at the nickname I was, honestly, going to miss. My brother was the only one allowed to call me it, and if he didn’t return, nobody would ever call me it again.
They hesitated for just a moment, lingering as they stared at me. My father’s face was twisted again. He wanted to say more but was a man of action and few words. Clearing his throat, my father nodded before departing the cabin. My brother hung back for a moment. He had inherited the ability to shut down his emotions when he wanted to.
“We’ll be all right, I promise.”
“Timothy promised to help you guys. Can you promise to help him?” I asked, knowing my face was giving me away. “Please?”
Jasper swallowed and nodded. “Obviously, he’s my best friend. But don’t worry, that won’t be why I help keep him alive. I’ll do it for you.”
I wanted to say more, but while I could show my emotions, I’d gotten the piece from my father that prevented me from speaking about them. Opening up wasn’t easy, despite being able to show them.
“I wish you could come to watch the ship go off.”
I shook my head. We weren’t allowed to watch them leave. I wasn’t sure why that rule existed, but it was the rule. Anyone found watching the ship go would be locked behind bars for an entire week.
I watched as my brother finally turned and followed my father. I moved after him, stepping out of the little one-window cabin. The men made their way toward the village. I could see other men leaving, joining my father and brother. I knew Timothy was somewhere in the throng. After I left, he’d had to say goodbye to his mother and siblings. Now, all the men who had been drafted were departing.
I felt so useless. I didn’t want to be stuck here. I hated it here. I loathed feeling like I was nothing more than a prisoner. Because that was what I was. I was trapped in this damn place. I was stuck here. The only time I was allowed to leave was to go to one of the major cities for fruits and vegetables and sometimes a few supplies needed for the home. The community garden didn’t always supply everything; sometimes, people ran out of things.
When my men were nothing but dots to my eyes, I slipped back into the cabin and felt the emptiness tenfold now. My father and brother had gone off on hunting missions before and were gone for days. But I’d always known that they’d be back. This time, I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure, and for that, I felt the hollowness of the cabin.
I set the silver-wrapped present on the table next to my black velvet box and stared at them. Whatever Jasper had gotten for Carli, I didn’t think it was cheap. He was crazy about Carli and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. If Jasper didn’t come back alive, at least he’d fulfill that wish. He would have no other girl to call his own.
I sat down, leaning back in my chair, tilting my head to look up at the ceiling. As I closed my eyes, another horn blew. I had lost count of them but knew it would soon take off. I still didn’t get the logic of the ship when they could very well walk, but whatever. Reaching up, I pressed my palms against my eyes. After a few minutes, I pulled my hands off and sat forward.
A rapping on my door turned my attention. I held my breath, waiting for a moment. If I stayed quiet enough, maybe they’d go away. It didn’t work. They knocked again, and I drew to my feet and moved to it, opening the door.
“Hi, Azula,” Meredith greeted, her face contorted as she wrung her hands on her massive, swollen belly.
