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Later that night after Will had slept, I paced around the sitting room thinking about Claire. I knew she was probably sleeping well in her home, but she was on my mind regardless. I was not comfortable with the relationship we had then.
I dialed her number, but changed my mind and cut it off before her phone could ring. I fell into my bed that night deep in thought and I did not know when I finally fell asleep. Both ways, I was willing to win her back, regardless.
Chapter Twenty-One
Claire
Iwasscared.Itwasn't making sense anymore. Jonah's family didn't approve of me and somehow, he didn't seem to know.
Jonah was the love of my life, but there were times I was left doubting his love for me. I didn't understand why he didn't discuss his family with me.
After his family left my house, I watched them go into his house, and later on, they came out smiling. I was shocked to see them so glad, having been unable to leave the window from where I watched.
I spent days waiting for Jonah to say something about them, but he never mentioned it once. I reckoned that it could only mean two things — It was either he didn't want to talk about it or he didn't take me as seriously as I thought. With each passing day, I began to believe the former a lot more.
A week passed, and I felt sad that he never mentioned it. But I missed him so much every day. There were times I felt like running to his house and kissing him so hard, but I always felt like he didn't want any of that. I was an over-thinker, and obviously, it was not too good for me.
One day, I began to imagine a future without Jonah. It was not because I wanted to leave, but I just felt it was inevitable for him to leave me since his family didn't like me very much.
I had sleepless nights. I cried and cried till I felt nothing, and then I stopped so I could cry some more. I had moments when I would write a long letter to break up with him. But each time, I would be too scared to do it. Even though I was hurting, I loved him too much to leave.
Apart from that, I knew he would be hurt if I left, especially since I carried his child. But I didn't see a future either. Leaving was such a hard thing to do, especially when he was the object of my emotions.
I started to brace myself for the day we would break up. I did that because I expected him to break up soon, but I did not want him to do it first. If he was going to leave, I wanted to leave first.
I met him a few times during the week. We talked better but I could not talk to him without giving him the cold shoulder. It was so hard to pretend.
"Claire, is everything okay?" He would ask when I stayed too quiet during our meetings, and each time, I would say yes.
But one day, he appeared at my door looking somewhere between angry and frustrated, and he stormed in with intent.
"Babe, tell me the truth. Do you not like me anymore? If you have found someone else, it is fine. I will not hold you to your choices if that is what you want. But please, stop treating me this way!"
I was perplexed. He was the one hiding things from me, and I didn't know what to make of that. If my cold actions towards him would make him fix things, then I was willing to do it for as long as possible. I just hoped I wouldn't leave him before we fixed it all.
Eventually, our relationship got a little strained, and I was not willing to fight to make it work. I was ready to break up already. All I waited for was a chance to let it all out. I had cried many times already.
There was a catch though. He was the father of my child. Even if we broke up, I could not avoid him. He would want some access to his child, so I would have to get used to seeing him at irregular intervals.
Both ways, I felt ready for whatever came. Deep down in me, I wished we could make it all work. I wanted to have a small, happy family with Jonah. I didn't mind it if we ended up having only one child. The number of children I had did not matter. All I truly wanted was to be with him.
Another problem was Will. I guessed it was about my age, but Will did not seem to like me very much. He always had this cold shoulder for me from the onset, but it grew worse throughout my relationship with Jonah.
I worried so much about the people around him. Granted. I knew he was a strong man. But even the strongest men could be swayed at any time. I did not trust him enough to believe he had everything under control, and his family looked so scary.
But Jonah was nothing like them. He was so cute and strong. He was the man of my dreams and was trying his best to make it all work. But I feared that even he may not be strong enough to pull through it all and get us all out together. For that reason alone, I was willing to let go.
I began to have wild ideas. Since he was living too close, I felt the best resort was to leave him. I thought about traveling somewhere else. Cuba was a good place to go, and I had a host of other countries I was willing to visit.
But I didn't plan to tell him. I felt slightly betrayed by him, so I planned to leave without his knowledge. My plans were for him to find out about my departure after I'd gotten to my new location safely. He didn't deserve it, but I wanted him to feel how terrible it was to be slighted by a loved one.
Either way, I felt I would be happier that way. And I started to make plans accordingly.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jonah
Ifthiswaswhatbetrayal felt like, it stung a lot more than expected. It didn't have to be Claire, of all people. She was too special to me.
