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I shake my head. “She doesn’t, not yet, but I’m hoping that’ll change.”
“A little heads up would’ve been nice.”
“We’re not asking for a handout. She can stay with me and work. There has to be something she can do around here.”
“I’m sure there is. I’ll talk to Mary.” He motions for me to follow him. “And we have a couple extra rooms right now. It can’t be permanent, but we’ll figure that out later.”
I have no right to let his use of “we” mean as much as it does. It’s probably a passing phrase to be polite, but I’ve had no one to rely on for such a long time, I pretend he means it. I pretend this is his way of being back in my life and taking on the role of protector again. Even if all I’m doing is setting myself up to be let down, I need to believe it for now. Otherwise, this would be too overwhelming to handle.
“Thank you,” I say.
“It’s not a problem.” He holds the door open for me. “Want me to talk to her?”
I glance at the car where Mom still sits, staring into the void. “No. Give her some time.”
“All right, then. Your room is the third door on the right.”
The hallway has the same feel as a hotel, with warm taupe-colored walls and cream carpet with gold geometric patterns scattered throughout. Modern gold sconces hang on either side, illuminating the space and giving it a classy feel. That’s where the similarities to a hotel end, though, because large paintings of couples having sex are hung on the walls between each room. Still, they feel more artistic than pornographic.
I stop at the door with a gold six affixed below a peephole. Colin snakes an arm around me and swipes a keycard over the lock.
“If you lose your card, tell Mary, and she’ll get you a new one. You’ll also need to renew it each week when the locks automatically reset.” He hands me the card and pushes the door open.
“Okay.” I step inside, and if I thought I would make it through the day in one piece, I was wrong. What I see has me losing any grasp on reality I had.
“I did a little remodeling based on what I remembered you liked,” he says sheepishly.
“Green,” I whisper, taking in the sage-painted room.
There’s a window directly in front of me with layered sheer cream curtains, making them opaque. To my left is a bed with a cream-colored headboard and bedding in a deeper shade of sage than the walls. On it sits decorative throw pillows and a cuddly frog stuffy. To my right is a desk with a vanity where a fish tank sits. I move closer, only to realize it’s not a fish tank. It’s a frog tank. Little green frogs swim about, pushing off the rocks and plants inside.
My hand shoots up to cover my mouth as any thoughts and words leave me completely. I used to dream of having a tank just like this when I was a little girl, back when my biggest problem was living in a Pepto Bismol pink room that Mom’s new boyfriend decorated.
“I can’t believe you remembered,” I say incredulously, bending over to watch the adorable little amphibians.
“It’s not a big deal.”
I straighten. “Itisa big deal.”
He shrugs. “Just wanted you to be comfortable.”
Without thinking, I slam my body into his, hugging him tight. At first, he stands there with his arms frozen at his sides, but after a second or two, they envelop me right back, and he rests his cheek on my head. I don’t ever remember feeling better than I do in this moment. Colin doesn’t owe me anything. I’m nothing to him, not anymore, but he still took the time and energy to do this for me. I’ll never be able to repay him.
“Thank you,” I murmur into his chest.
“You’re welcome. Why don’t you get settled while I deal with your mom?”
I pull away, wiping at the dampness on my cheeks. He’s seen me cry twice now, and I don’t want him to think I’m an emotional wreck, even if that’s exactly what I am.
“I can’t ask you to do that. Just tell me where she’ll be, and I’ll get her sorted.”
“No,” he says with finality. “There are some things I want to discuss with her, and it’s best we do it alone.”
I shake my head. “She’s barely hanging on right now. If you bring up shit from our past, there’s no telling where she’ll go in her head.”
“She’s a big girl. I don’t pretend to know everything that’s happened since I left, but I’ve gotten pretty good at reading between the lines. From what you’ve told me and what I saw outside, it’s time she faced some truths.”
My chest constricts. “She’s not strong enough for that. Let me come with you.”
