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It’s too much to process, and my raw anger won’t do Jessa any good.
Combing my fingers through her hair, I coax her to close her eyes. Her arm slides across my chest, and she squeezes her body against mine. Her warmth is the only thing centering my sanity.
Staring at the ceiling, I make a promise I should have made and kept a decade ago. “You’re safe with me, Jessa. I won’t let anyone harm you again.”
Eventually, her embrace relaxes as her strength leaves her in search of sleep. She sighs deeply, and I barely make out her words before she drifts off: “I know.”
Lying beside her, my entire being is a contradiction to hers. Her softness is wrapped in my fury. Her strength is urging my chaos, my own weakness, to calm, and I’ve never felt more challenged in my entire life.
Not knowing what happened during those days is taunting my sanity.
How can I help Jessa if neither of us know what demons are lurking in her head? Her scars have faded, but their stories are locked away somewhere in the recesses of her mind.
Logan is right. I need his help. My heart hurts, and I’m not thinking rationally. I can’t fail Jessa this time, and I’ll need his guidance if I’m going to break through and help her heal.
Jessa murmurs something unintelligible as her head digs deeper into my arm. Then she’s out cold, and she’ll most likely sleep right through the night after everything she’s just shared.
I shift just enough to get comfortable beside her and close my eyes.
CHAPTER19
JESSA
A gentle movement beside me stirs me awake.
I stay still but shift my eyes to look at the man wrapped around me, and I take him in with a deep breath.
I’ve dreamt about this for years. What it would feel like to be in his arms again.
His chest rises and falls steadily. He’s still asleep.
The room is bathed in a soft glow as the light from the full moon shines in and stretches itself across the bed. It almost reaches us. If I shift down a bit, I’d be able to see how bright it shines, but I don’t want to wake him.
Sharing what I remember of my time with Maxwell lifted a weight off me. For the longest time, I wanted to tell Dana, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I know she feels responsible for me being taken. Knowing about this would crush her.
But there is something about sharing it with Jack that feels right.
He is a deep part of me. He always has been.
Me not remembering my time with Maxwell must kill him.
It bothers me too, but for different reasons.
I don’t remember some vital parts of my time in captivity. Something took over and threw me into autopilot, and I don’t know how I was ever able to make contact with Dana and Zane. Did I give anything away? I had access to their servers to make the connection. Did I see anything while I was there that could help end his whole ordeal? Did he say anything to me that could be useful?
For all my remaining days, I’ll never forget the look on Max’s face when he stood in front of me for the first time since my parents died.
It was like he wasn’t there anymore.
It wasn’t a lack of emotion; it was more like a furious overload. It was barely contained insanity.
When I look back at that time, I think my connection to Zane is the only thing that kept me alive. Actually, it didn’t even do that. I left out one part the doctor shared with me because I honestly don’t think Jack would be able to function with that information.
Just before the men came to transport me back, the doctor told me to do everything I could to make sure I never ended up in Maxwell’s clutches again. He was scared for me, and for a stranger on the Sparr payroll to be that terrified for someone he didn’t even know sent chills through my body. He wouldn’t give me any further details beyond the fact that my heart had stopped. I had essentially died at Maxwell’s hands at some point.
I can never let myself be captured again. And I can’t allow Dana to be caught up in this.
Without the weak level of protection Zane gives us, we only have each other.
