Page 88 of Code Name: Phoenix


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“I’ll never let you go, Jessa.”

I don’t know what to say to that, and I cry some more because in the end, I think he’s going to have to do exactly that.

CHAPTER31

JACK

Being tied up for the night had some unexpected results.

Last night, when Logan stood over Jessa, I saw red. I wanted to kill and protect and tear everything apart.

I had the power to do it. I had the strength and the freedom.

But spending eight hours with my arms and legs bound together, I had no choice but to accept everything as it was. I had no other option but to lie beside Jessa’s still body, helpless to offer the comfort I wanted to, and all I could do was process and think. And when she woke up in the morning and freed me, I was calm and more rational than I’ve ever been in my entire life.

Logan has this turn of events to thank for saving his life.

As I walk into his office, he stands cautiously, drops his pen onto his desk, and keeps his hands ready by his sides.

I know what he expects.

If it were me in his situation, I’d expect to be eating out of a tube for the foreseeable future.

“Jack…” Logan lets my name linger, and I’m not sure if it is a greeting or a question as I take a long, hard pause to look at my closest friend.

Logan has been there for me every step of the way since the night Jessa disappeared.

He would give his life for mine without hesitation, and he wouldn’t have done what he did without considering the consequences.

“Logan.” I move across the room to pull out a chair.

The truth is, I’m drained.

Being without control has enlightened me to the aftereffects, and I’m filled with an odd sense of peace I haven’t felt in a long time.

Then it hits me.

I haven’t been in control for a long time.

I’ve been tempered.

I’ve been getting by.

Logan was right.

I never dealt with my unresolved feelings over Jessa’s loss.

Waking up two hours before Jessa this morning, and being forced to lie still as she slept with her arms draped over my torso, allowed me time to surrender to the pain I should have faced long ago.

My mind wandered to memories of her in high school. Her first time, and the last time I thought I would ever see her. I replayed the video in my mind and went over every single expression and word she spoke last night. Then I thought about Logan. How quickly he backed off, his intentions, and what I would do to him the next time I saw him.

As the first hour passed, my fury subsided into anger, then disappointment. Then, listening to the soft sound of Jessa’s breathing as she slept, I let go of my demons altogether as I remembered her words when she thanked me for saving her.

She’s with me now, and I’ll do everything I can to keep it that way.

I’ll find Maxwell and kill him with my bare hands if it means keeping her safe.

I buried the hatchet with my demons, and I understand Logan’s intentions.

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