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“Never once did I think about her feelings,” I say, twisting to look at him. “You were right, you know? I let everyone else tell me what I should have been feeling, and I never even gave myself a chance to hear her out or ask her why. She fucking destroyed me, and I don’t know why, and now I’m not even sure I want to hear the truth because what if it changes everything?”
“I don’t think she ever meant to hurt you,” Nash says, dropping his free hand on my shoulder and squeezing gently. “But I get it, Maverick. I get why you’ve clung to those feelings for so long. It’s easier that way, to pin the blame on her instead of looking at the whole picture. But now? I just hope that you both can find a way to move past all this and figure out how to live in each other’s orbits again or walk away from each other. For good this time.”
“What if we can’t do either?”
“Then you’ll truly be the ruin of each other, and that would be the greatest tragedy of all.”
Neither of us speak after that, staying silent until the table fills around us. Harlow slides into the seat beside mine, giving me a quick squeeze as she leans over to say something to Nash.
When Beatrice walks into the cafeteria, her eyes find mine across the distance. She pales at the sight of me, her eyes dropping to the ground as she rushes through the line, grabbing some fruit and a coffee before leaving as quickly as she came.
My chest hollows as my eyes follow her out the door, watching the exit long after she disappears.
I shove off the table, saying my goodbyes, and Nash rushes to follow me, his legs falling into step with mine. The double doors swing closed behind us, and I pause for a moment, my eyes dragging over the hallway, but Beatrice is long gone.
“You not going to class?” Nash asks, tilting his head toward my business class that’s starting any minute now.
“Nah, gonna head to the gym. You going to class?”
“And miss out on the chance to kick your ass?” he asks, puffing his chest and curling his biceps at me. “No fucking chance. Let’s go.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Beatrice
Californiagullsflyoverhead,eyeing their prey as I wander down the pier. Waves lap against the sand beneath, beckoning it to sea. The breeze tickles my face, the frigid air harsh against my body despite the oversized gray sweater and black fleece-lined leggings I’m wearing.
My Chucks slap against the concrete, leading me to the rails at the end. My hands curl around the metal, my head tipping to watch the sun disappear behind the rain clouds that linger, a storm threatening to break through the darkening sky.
An elderly couple stops beside me, smiling as they take me in.
“You’ll catch a chill if you stay here much longer, there’s a storm brewing,” the gentleman says, wrapping his arm around his wife’s shoulders. “A young thing like you, you should be out with friends, not standing at the edge of the pier alone.”
“I don’t have very many of those.”If any,outside of Maisie, of course. The others, they’re Maverick’s friends, really. I have no doubts that if it came down to a choice between the two of us, they’d side with him.
“You wanna walk back with us, honey? I’m Mary, and this is my husband, Stan.” Her short gray hair blows in the wind. Stan tilts his head in the direction back, but I shake mine.
“I’m going to hang out here a little longer, I think. But thank you.” They nod at me, giving me a small wave before walking away hand in hand. My heart aches at the sight, though I don’t know why. I don’t know them, apart from their names, but there’s something bittersweet seeing two people so clearly in love.
Once upon a time maybe I would have had that . . . before my life burned into ashes around me after I lit the flame myself.
After I calmed down the other day, I couldn’t stop the train of thoughts barreling through me. I get it. I know I hurt Maverick back then, and I understand his anger and his hate. I nearly destroyed his life. But what nobody seems to understand is that I destroyed myself too. For so long I let Sebastian take control of me,abuseme, never thinking of what that would mean for those around me.
That day comes flooding back, bringing me to my knees as I drop against the concrete. A sob escapes me, my chest caving under the weight of the memory.
“Bumblebee!” Maverick shouts up the stairs, calling my name over and over again, but I can’t answer. My throat is too tight, my heart beating erratically against my chest as my eyes stay locked on the door Sebastian just stormed out of. Blood drips from the cut above my eye, blurring my vision as it clings to my lashes. “Bea!!”
The door opens with a slam, and Maverick freezes in the entrance when his eyes find me. What I must look like to him. A mess. A fragile little girl curled into a ball against the wall. Tears streaming down my face, blood pouring from wounds on my body.
“Shit, babe,” he hisses, moving quicker than I’d have ever thought possible. Within a second, he’s crouching, reaching for my face. “I’ll kill him, Bumblebee. I swear to God, I will kill him.”
“How’d I know I’d find you here?” Maverick drops down beside me, his legs swinging under the metal until they’re dangling over the edge of the pier. “You just disappeared.”
I don’t answer, too lost in the onslaught of emotions that have taken hold of me. He spits expletives under his breath as he faces me, his eyes following the line of tears that track over my cheeks. He swears again, dropping his arm across my back and pulling me to his side.
The scent of him hits me in an instant, assaulting every one of my senses, and it only causes the tears to spill harder. My body racks with tremors, my face molding to his chest as he tucks me closer. He whispers in my ear, comforting words, I think, but I hear none of them over the blood rushing through me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, pulling away when the tears have dried up. Swiping my sleeve over my cheeks, I ignore the foundation stains that soak into the light gray material, staring out into the ocean. “I’m so fucking sorry, Maverick.”
