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“The doctor says you need your strength.”
“I don’t fucking care what the doctor says,” I snap at him, and I cringe at the same time.
I hear him sigh, but he doesn’t give up on me. Henevergives up on me, and now I’m being a total bitch and dismissing him.
From the corner of my eye, I see him walk around the bed toward me. I shut my eyes, not wanting to see the hurt on his face. I won’t be able to handle it. My heart isn’t big or strong enough to hold any more pain before it rips open, spilling the grief through my body.
“Please look at me,” I hear him say along with the sound of a chair being dragged closer to the bed. I open my eyes and see the agony on his face.
“I’m worried about you. You haven’t eaten in days, so I brought your favorite sub from Noni’s Deli.” Donnie moves the table closer to me. He reaches for the controller on the bed and pushes the button to raise my head.
“Donnie, please stop. I’m not hungry,” I argue, begging him to leave me alone before I say things I’m going to regret.
“No. You need to eat. I can’t keep watching you do this to yourself.”
“Then don’t watch me. Stop coming by to see me. No one’s forcing you to be here,” I try to snap at him, but it comes out as a cry.
He leans down until he’s directly in my face. He’s so close I can smell the mint from his breath.
“I don’t care if you don’t want me in here. I’m not going anywhere, no matter how much you try to push me away.”
“I want to be alone. Why can’t you respect that?” I ask him, letting my head fall back against the pillow.
He doesn’t move or say a word. He just stares at me with a blank expression.
Minutes later, he backs away and runs his hands through his thick hair, tipping his head to the ceiling and grunting in frustration.
When he looks down at me, he says, “The last time I walked away, I didn’t see you foreight years. And all that time, I thought you were dead.”
Tears cloud my vision when I notice him rub his chest like he’s removing an ache. I don’t want to hurt him, but I can’t handle all these emotions whirling inside me. I feel like it’s all going to come crashing down on me at any moment and I won’t know how to dig myself out of the rubble.
“Shorty.” His voice breaks.
“I need you to go,” I say in a calm, steady tone with my eyes shut.
“Shorty, please.”
“Donnie, please just go.” Tears thicken my voice.
“I’d do absolutely anything for you,” he says in a gruff voice.
“That’s the problem,” I strangle out, “I don’t want to be a burden for you. Iwon’tbe a burden.”
“You’re not a burden. You could never be a burden to me, Shorty. I just want to be here for you.” When I open my eyes, Donnie takes a few steps forward as if my body is calling out to his. I miss his touch, his kisses, his comfort. He always makes me feel safe.
“Please go.” I manage to get out.
“No. Don’t do this.” Agony laces his tone.
I’m going to hate myself after this but it’s the only way to set him free.
“Just go, Donnie. Go!” I scream. He doesn’t respond but the sound of the door closing tells me he listened, even though I wish with all my heart, I wish he hadn’t.
* * *
DONNIE
I close the door behind me.
