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“You named her after my mother and you didn’t let me know her? Didn’t let any of us… know her?”
“After I found out I was pregnant, I was scared and alone. I knew I would lose your family, too. And I love your mom as much as I did mine. Naming her Remilia Victoria was a way to keep her close, and a connection to you.”
Roma and Amelia were my mother’s first and middle names, and Victoria was after Teagan’s mom. I shook my head in disbelief. “Why would you name her after my mother and then not tell me about her?”
She shrugged, her voice breaking. “You were half a world away.”
“I didn’t have to be,” I said quietly. I was numb now. This couldn’t be happening. It was a nightmare.
“Yes, you did. You had a contract.”
Anger exploded and replaced the numbness in an instant. “So what, Teagan?” I yelled. “Fuck the goddamned contract! I still can’t believe this!”
“Jensen took care of me. He married me because my father was furious and I…”
“It wasn’t his place! It was mine! Do you think I give a damn why he did it?” My expression twisted in anguish and I glared at her. “There is no excuse for what either one of you has done. Right now, all I know is I’m not ready to deal with all of the crap between you and me. I’d just like to meet my daughter.”
She blinked and I could see her throat visibly tighten as she tried to swallow, as she nodded and started to back out of the parking space to begin navigating toward the exit of the garage. “Okay. I’ll take you.”
We didn’t speak; the air between us tense as I retreated inside myself, and my conflicted thoughts. I was anxious, excited and terrified of meeting the little person that I had made with Teagan. My heart eased slightly as I tried to get my head around everything I’d just learned. At least I didn’t have to be tortured by the thought of another man’s child growing inside her. How much that had fucked me up left me staggering.
We walked side by side into the hospital and rode the elevator up in silence. What would I see when I went into the room? My heart sank to my stomach. I was more nervous than I’d ever been, and scared as hell she’d look sick. I knew it would kill me, but I was going to fall in love for the last time in my life. I knew it for certain.
The hospital smelled sterile and it was stark; white everywhere except the few dull brown tiles scattered among the white ones on the floors. It felt cold until we entered the room. There were balloons and flowers everywhere, butterflies made out of construction paper lined the walls around the big bed with a small form lying in the middle. I recognized Teagan’s artistic handy work.
My daughter was sleeping and I was drawn toward her. My eyes blurred as I fell, stunned, into the chair by her bedside; I gazed upon the smaller version of Teagan in the bed. She was so tiny, her features perfect as her chest rose and fell softly. I only saw the incredible little face, too caught up to notice the IVs or the machines. Her hair had grown back and was just past her ears, curling softly around her face. She didn’t look that sick, except that her skin was pale and she had light purple shadows beneath her eyes, partially hidden by arcs of full, dark lashes.
“Teagan…she’s just… gorgeous. Oh, my God.”
“She’s you, Chase.”
“She looks like you. So beautiful.” My hand reached out to stroke back her silky hair as the first tear fell.
“When she wakes up, you’ll understand. She’s like you in so many ways. Every time I look at her; I see you.” Teagan’s voice was tight and barely a whisper.
My finger touched a petal-soft cheek, just below the dark fan of lashes. “I’m… overwhelmed. I wish you would’ve told me. I wish I’d seen her born and how she grew into this. I wish I could have been with her when she went through her chemo. Oh, God.” My voice cracked on the last word as my throat tightened uncomfortably. “You had no right…” I began.
Teagan’s voice was shaking when she spoke, her tears constricting her words. “I know. I’d give anything to change it.” Her hand came down on my shoulder from behind and squeezed and instantly my big hand covered her smaller one. I couldn’t stop myself even if I’d wanted to.
“Mommy…” Remi’s eyes fluttered open and she blinked, searching the room for her mother’s face.
“I’m here, baby girl.” Teagan moved to the other side of the bed and bent to kiss the child’s forehead and brush her soft hair away from her face. “You have a visitor. Can you say hello?” She nodded in my direction with a tremulous smile, trying to hide her tears.
The little girl turned; her eyes on me for the first time and smiled softly. My heart swelled with pride. She did have my eyes and they were wise and knowing beyond her years.
“Hello,” she said bravely as she examined me. Her eyes widened and she glanced at her mother and then back to me.
“It’s very nice to meet you, Remi. I’ve been waiting a long time.” I tried desperately to keep my voice from breaking.
“Me, too, but it’s okay, Daddy. I knew you’d come someday.”
The little angel voice shook me to the core and my eyes flew to Teagan’s face. Her chin was trembling as she lifted her hand to her mouth and blinked to let the tears that flooded her eyes tumble down her cheeks. She nodded in affirmation. She’d told our daughter about me.
I smiled in joy as I turned back to the little girl, dwarfed by the hospital bed. I laughed through my tears and cleared my throat. “Yes. I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner, but I’m with you now, and I’m not going anywhere. How do you know who I am?” I asked incredulously.
She pointed a little finger at the bedside table where a picture of me wrapped around Teagan at a party sat. I remembered that day like it was yesterday. We were so happy, then. “Mommy tells me stories about you all the time. Lovely stories. And we watch you on TV.” She leaned toward me and put her hand to her mouth intent on telling me a secret. I leaned in to hear her as my heart exploded with joy. “I think she loves you a lot,” she whispered with a soft giggle.
My chest tightened, my emotions practically choking me. “Remelia…” I said her beautiful name for the first time, “would it be okay if I gave you a hug?”
