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I had no choice but to let the door close if I wanted to confront her. I pulled a plain white T-shirt out of the duffle and threw it on. “Like I said, fuck you. You knew about Remi and you didn’t tell me? I don’t have one thing to say to you.”
She sighed and the snarky look on her face softened. I wasn’t just pissed; sadness and betrayal threatened to engulf me. “How long have you known?”
Kat looked at me for a minute and she leaned forward, scooting to the end of the chaise so she could lean forward. “I’ll tell you if you’ll listen.”
I shook my head, doing my best not to yell or cry. I swallowed hard. “There is nothing you can say that will excuse keeping this from me for six years.”
She shook her head. “You’re right. It was wrong. I should have called you. It wasn’t an easy decision.”
I glared at her, standing on the opposite side of the room from her with my hands on my hips. If the heat in my face or the twitching of my jaw were visible, Kat had to see how angry and upset I was.
She put both hands up and splayed her fingers on them. “Please sit down and listen.”
I didn’t want to move or do anything Kat demanded. I felt as if I was a nine-year-old getting scolded by my teacher. My pulse was racing and my skin was on fire.
“I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Teagan; I don’t want to hear any of the reasons any of you liars did what you did, I’m here to help Remi. She’s all I care about.” My voice cracked on her name and a lone tear fell from my right eye. I lifted my hand and brushed it away with my thumb. “The rest of you don’t matter to me.”
“Chase,” Kat said softly, tearing up herself. “I know you love Remi, and I knew you’d take to her. She is so sweet and she’s gone through so much.”
“Do you know her? You’re in her life when I’m not?” I couldn’t even grasp the possibility.
“Not really. I only met her twice in person. She was little and I never intended to keep it from you. It isn’t like Teagan is my best friend, but I read about Remi’s cancer on one of the local news websites. Jensen was up and coming on ESPN and locally, people knew him. Their church was doing a pancake feed to help with expenses, and David and I went.”
Hearing Jensen’s name only made me more pissed off. My defenses were up as if a ten-foot thick steel wall had just slammed down on me. “Is that when you found out she was mine?”
“No, that was the second time. She was just a baby the first time.”
“What?” I asked incredulously; stunned by what I was hearing. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I shouted. I felt like my head and heart was about to combust. How could my own sister keep this from me? The level of betrayal almost equaled that of Teagan and Jensen.
“Before you lose your shit, just listen, Chase. Remember when I called you on your birthday the year after you left? I’d seen how upset you were the first time you were home from England and you were still so unhappy; I wanted to do something to help. I hoped if I reached out to Teagan maybe I could gauge how she was doing and if there was any hope for you two.”
“She was already married to Jensen by then,” I said in defeat.
“I didn’t know that, then. I looked for Teagan on Facebook, but she didn’t have a profile. I Googled South Carolina public records and that’s when I found Remi’s birth certificate and the marriage license to Jensen.” Tears were starting to stream down my sister’s face, and while part of me resisted hearing it, I wanted the answers. I couldn’t stop her, and regardless, I needed to know.
“I was so damn angry, Chase. I couldn’t believe they’d do that to you and I finally understood why you were so broken. I researched more and found out they moved to Atlanta, then went to confront her, but the minute she saw me at the door she fell apart, Chase. She was alone with Remi in a small apartment. The minute I saw that child’s face, I knew the truth. I laid into her, but she convinced me that it was too late and a nasty custody battle would only ruin your budding career. She was already married, and you seemed better. You just got moved up to starting forward.” Kat wrung her hands in a show of helplessness.
“I had a right to know!” My voice boomed in the small room as I took three steps in her direction. How could Kat think that a stupid game would mean more to me than my baby?
Kat flinched, but nodded, wiping at the tears on one of her cheeks with her hand. “You’re right. You did. But what would you have done? I knew you weren’t happy, but you were at least trying to move on. You were dating Bronwyn, and I guess… I just didn’t want to make you suffer it all again, and I didn’t want to be the one to tell you.”
“Neither one of you had any right to make that decision for me!” I sank down to sit at the foot of the bed and bent over my knees, my grief overtaking my resolve. The magnitude of all I had lost was more than I could stand and misery took over. “How dare either of you? You have no idea how I was! I was still wallowing in hell! For years, I was in hell. All I was doing was drinking and screwing Bronwyn to keep from losing my mind! I didn’t care about anything but getting rid of the pain.”
If there were guests in the rooms around mine or beneath, they were getting surround sound as I shouted at my sister. “Teagan was destroyed, too, Chase.”
“Yeah, right,” I spat. “She was so broken up, she was married in a few months.”
“Think about the timing, Chase. Her father threatened to disown her and drag your name through the mud. I didn’t agree with her reasons, but when Teagan explained how she kept it quiet to protect you, it made sense in some naïve sort of way. She knew how much soccer meant to you; it was the only future you wanted. And look at you now. Look at the success you’ve had.”
I sniffed, willing myself to get control of the fury surging through me. I lifted my head and met her pleading eyes with my accusing ones. “Do you think I give a flying fuck about that? Do you really believe I’d choose a stupid sport over my family? Teagan, of all people, should have known better! Is that what you all think of me?”
She shook her head sadly, scooting forward further to rest one hand on the two of mine that were folded in front of me. “No, but now you have the luxury of looking at it from an outside perspective, and everyone who loved you knew how important playing soccer was to you. She didn’t want to be responsible for killing your dream. I didn’t agree with her, but I understood her logic. She realized that if she told you; you would have given it all up and there would be part of you always wondering what might have been and she didn’t want you to blame her. You know it’s true, Chase,” she said fiercely.
“No!” I flung her hand away and stood up, stalking away. “No, I wouldn’t! Nothing meant more to me than Teagan! Nothing!”
Kat let out a small snort and shook her head. “Yeah? Well, she was the one here, alone, to figure things out.”
It was as if she’d taken a wrecking ball and hit me in the gut with it. My mouth opened and then shut without saying anything, instead I dragged in a ragged breath. “Not alone,” I spat, visions of Jensen with Teagan flooding my thoughts with misery.
