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She picked up her purse, clearly intent on leaving. She touched my shoulder and paused beside me on her way to the door. “Please, just take a step back and listen to Teagan when you’re ready. I truly believe she thought she was doing what was best for you. If you don’t think that she lost you as much as you lost her, you’re not looking at the big picture.”
“If she’s a saint like you believe, what’s stopped her from telling me in the years since? Especially when Remi got sick?”
“Money and fear. She didn’t have the money to fight you if you decided to go for custody. She was scared she’d lose her baby, and she couldn’t risk that.”
Again, my anger and sense of betrayal railed with Teagan’s twisted reasoning. Even if it was true, there was no excuse for that level of deceit. It was wrong on so many levels.
I started to speak but Kat stopped me.
“Don’t say it.” She walked to the door, but the part of me that had festered and died over this for the past six years couldn’t keep it in.
“Why not?” Hatred dripped off my words. “He swooped in like a fucking vulture! He couldn’t wait for me to leave. Every one of you lied to me!”
“Chase!” She whirled on me right just before she reached the door. “Will you stop acting like the wounded victim in everything? You made your own choices! You went to London! Was Teagan wrong in keeping Remi from you? Yes! She should have told you she was pregnant!” Her eyes were wide and she was pissed. “Or, I should have told you! I get that I’m the worst sister ever! If I could go back and change it, I would, but you need to crawl out of your pity party long enough to just think about your part in it! It isn’t as if Teagan’s or Jensen’s life has been amazing. Neither of them is sucking on rainbow popsicles and living the life they wanted! It wasn’t her dream to be without you or to have a terminally ill child. She’s been punished enough, already! Remi has been sick for three years and you’ve been spared all of it!”
My hand clenched into a fist and I turned and slammed it into the wall, the momentum slamming through the wall and gouging a large hole. It caused a huge bang and Kat literally jumped back from me. My chest was heaving and I couldn’t breathe.
“None of it is my fault! It wasn’t my choice! I didn’t want to be spared!” I yelled, frustrated tears flooding my eyes once again. My fist remained clenched and I gritted my teeth as I railed at her. “I missed out on her life, to see her born, to see her grow, and now, there may not be time to make up for it.” Pain ripped through my heart like a million shards of glass.
Kat paused at my outburst, looking at the floor and nodding in resignation, calm. “You’re right, and I’m not excusing any of it, Chase, but Teagan honestly thought she was doing what you needed. If I didn’t truly believe that she believed that, I would have told you everything, but I knew in order to really understand you needed to hear it from her. Out of the three of you, which one of you has the life you dreamed of?”
My head dropped and I watched the tears drop from my eyes to the floor as if they were in slow motion, and they splatted on the carpet. She was right, but it didn’t take away the magnitude of my loss. All I could do was shake my head, and use the back of my uninjured hand to wipe at the end of my nose and my fingers to push the tears off my face. “Do you think the life I dreamed of, didn’t have her in it?”
“I’m going over to Teagan’s to help her with the laundry while the cleaning crew finishes up. I’ll pick you up at 5:30 in the morning for your tests. Unless you need to go to the ER for your hand, right now?”
I looked up, but the light coming from the fixture over the mirror by the door, combined with the tears still clinging to my lashes, threw glaring rays around my sister’s form, making her blur. I shook my head and stumbled back into the room. Everything hurt so fucking much. One flip of a switch and everything had changed.
I cleared my throat and walked to the built-in that I’d laid my wallet on. “Wait.” I opened it and took out five, one-hundred dollar bills and handed them to her, trying to hide how the bills shook as in my hand. “Please give this to Teagan. It’s for the cleaners. Since you’re here, can I get a ride to the airport after the tests? I have a game on Sunday.”
“Sure. Hopefully, it will be your last for a while. If you’re able to donate, you’ll have to be here.”
“I will be,” I said adamantly, unable to accept any other answer. I had to be a match so that Remi would live. I would accept no other answer.
TEAGAN
“Chase is in town, then?” Jensen’s voice was tired, but with an angry undercurrent.
He was supposed to come home tonight, but it was the weekend and ESPN had given him another assignment, which would mean a two-day delay. It wasn’t anything new. Jensen was a junior correspondent and frequently got cleanup duty when another reporter or anchor fell ill or the network decided to cover an event, last minute.
It was annoying at times, but Jensen’s career was on the move and any chance to get in front of the cameras, especially given a chance to commentate on an entire event, was imperative. He worked hard to prove himself and he had started as a junior reporter in the newsroom without any live face time for the first two years. He deserved every advance he was given.
I could sense his trepidation and irritation through the phone, but it wasn’t clear if he was angry at ESPN for the longer assignment or anxious about not being home while Chase was in town. Lately, we were both stressed so much we argued more than we talked.
“I didn’t know what else to do,” I said, loudly into the phone. “We’re running out of options.”
The carpet-cleaning machine was running in the background making it hard to hear. The house was modest, Jensen’s job with ESPN was still a reporter at present and without my nurse’s salary, we were struggling. Jensen wouldn’t appreciate Chase helping with the cleaning costs, but under the circumstances, I had to let him help.
“Yeah,” he said, resigned. “Are you okay? How’d he take it?” Jensen rifled off questions faster than I could answer them.
I couldn’t be honest and say it was a mixture of heaven and hell, so I offered an abbreviated version. “He was furious at first, but it was easier after he met Remi. He’s totally taken with her.”
“Who isn’t?” His voice softened. “How is she doing?”
As usual, when the subject of Chase came up, the conversation was diverted but this time, it wasn’t a clean pivot. “She’s been tired, and it’s a struggle to get her to eat. She’s weaker.”
“Fucking cancer. I’d give anything to take it away from her.”
“I know you would.”
