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“I don’t know how you can forgive her or trust her.”
I was reluctant to share the intimate details of my conversations with Teagan, but maybe if I were honest, this would be over and done with. I laid a hand flat on my chest over my heart. “I don’t know how to explain it, but if you need to hear it, here it is: there is something palpable and alive between Teagan and I. We’re connected in a way I’ve never been with anyone else, and I have to face that she is the only one who can heal the wound I have over her. I don’t know if we’ll be able to put the past to bed, but I do know that no matter what happens, she’ll be part of my life, one way or the other.”
Bronwyn looked at me, and I read the skepticism in her face. I instinctively knew what she was about to say.
“Don’t say it, again. Remi is going to survive, Bronwyn. Even suggesting otherwise slams the door between you and me and we won’t even be able to be friends. I’ve been beating myself up, thinking how being pissed and resenting your presence here was unfair, but when you said that, you killed every iota of feeling I had for you.”
“I care about you, and it would be nice if you weren’t such a prick right now.”
I sat down on the bed as she finished packing, feeling bad for her. “It isn’t like I don’t care about you, I just can’t believe you could say something like that.”
“That’s just a sorry excuse, Ace! You’re letting her manipulate you!”
“That’s not true.” I shook my head in pissed off exasperation; so much for my attempt to end things civilly. If anyone knew about manipulation, it was Bronwyn. “I don’t need an excuse!”
“You’re looking for anything you can to alienate me and run back to your poor little, manipulative Teagan.”
I stood up and reeled on her. “It doesn’t matter what you say, it isn’t going to change anything!”
Bronwyn’s eyes narrowed and she nodded knowingly. “You’re already shagging her. That’s it, isn’t it? I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. So she’s made you a cheater, too.”
I had the grace to flush and for a moment, I was speechless. “We didn’t mean anything to happen, but Teagan is where my heart is and she has been for more than nine years. Pretending otherwise was the only way I could get on with my life. But, pretending I was over her didn’t make it the truth. Being with her isn’t even about sex, Bronwyn. It’s about being able to fucking breathe. That’s as honest as I can be. I’m sorry.”
I walked around her and left her to finish packing alone.
TEAGAN
I watched Chase’s sweet interaction with Remi. He’d come back to the hospital mid-afternoon and it was close to dinnertime.
The residual anesthesia from the surgery kept her drifting in and out of sleep, but he never left her side, speaking in soft tones and brushing her hair back lovingly. We still had to wear the yellow gowns and masks and we did the best we could to talk to her and hold her. I was lying on her bed next to her and she was cuddled next to me as I felt Chase’s eyes on us like a physical touch.
He was sitting back in the chair; his hands tented in front of him and his expression contemplative as if he was thinking about something hard.
“What is it?” I asked softly. My arm was draped over Remi’s small form and she was warm, but I was on top of the covers and shivered slightly.
“Just thinking about things,” he murmured, then got up and went to the cupboard close to the bathroom, pulled out one of the extra blankets and unfurling it, he placed the white cotton over me in the same loving manner he had Remi.
“Thank you.” Instantly, the chill from the air conditioning vent in the ceiling was blocked. “Are you regretting your decision about sending Bronwyn home?” Guilt nagged at my subconscious but I also felt a huge sense of relief. Chase and I hadn’t discussed the future beyond his impassioned revelation that he wanted us to be a family the other evening. Hope bloomed, but a few words said in the heat of emotion were fragile and until we had a real discussion, I had to keep it in perspective. I still had to tell him about Jensen and our plans to divorce and make him understand the decision was made years ago. It wasn’t something I wanted to blurt out casually.
His lower lip came out in a little pout as he shook his head. “Not at all.”
The blanket wasn’t very substantial, but warmth started to seep through me and I pulled it up around my chin and was slightly worried when he didn’t elaborate. Instinctively, I felt there was more to it. How did he leave things with Bronwyn? “Are you scared about Remi?”
Chase had been so strong; adamant that she’d get better after the transplant but the past week had been a hard reality that showed him just how delicate her condition had become.
He ran a hand through his thick tawny hair. “Yes. She’s gotten so much worse in such a short time. If the transplant doesn’t work, then what are our options? We don’t have time to have another baby. I’m terrified.”
My eyes widened slightly. “I know.” I nodded and reached a hand out from beneath the covers beseechingly. Chase leaned forward and took it on his own, but the rubber gloves we were both wearing kept us from really touching. He dropped to his knees beside the bed to get closer; leaning his other arm over the pillow to cradle around Remi’s head. “I’ve thought of that, too. I couldn’t ask that of you,” I said honestly.
“You should have called me sooner.”
“Believe me, that’s all I’ve thought about. For years.”
“That isn’t how I meant it, Teagan. Stop blaming yourself, and concentrate on Remi. The would’ve, should’ve, could’ve bullshit won’t help any of us. We can’t change the past, and somehow we have to deal with it.” We were holding on to each other under the covers, and over our little Remi. Chase bent to kiss her forehead. His brilliant green eyes met mine. “I’m glad I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere.”
My eyes burned with unshed tears and my throat constricted painfully. “You’re so incredible. I don’t deserve you.” I wasn’t sure exactly what he meant, but it didn’t matter. For sure he’d be with Remi, but would he be with me after I told him the entire truth?
He smiled. The mask hid his mouth, but his eyes crinkled at the corners. “That’s for sure,” he teased. His hand wrapped around my upper arm and squeezed gently.
