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That wasn’t all; we danced to this song inside the stable at the end of our summer vacation in Wyoming just before we both went to Clemson. It was four years ago but I remembered it like it was yesterday. We were excited for our future, but I remember feeling bittersweet, and how awkward it was at the end of the song and I had a raging boner. I’d been embarrassed and moved away from her and made the excuse that we needed to finish feeding the horses. I could still feel how confused and flushed I felt at the time. Sitting here in her car, staring at her as I was, the same feelings echoed. I still wasn’t sure if she knew what a predicament I’d been in, because if so, she’d never mentioned it. “Yes.” I cleared my throat. “What do you want to do tonight?”
She was driving along the Savannah River basin. If the sun wasn’t setting, I’d want to take a walk along one of the waterfall trails off Eastatoe Creek, but as it was, maybe we could find a lakefront pub, though I was afraid we’d run into someone I knew. I didn’t want any interruptions tonight.
“I don’t know. This is your town, now.” Remi glanced at me and smiled.
My heart stopped. “I’m sort of sad it’s not stillourtown.” I couldn’t help the words from falling from my lips.
She sighed. “I know. Me, too.”
My heart seized. “Are you happy, Remi? Tell me what’s been going on with you.” It wasn’t as if I hadn’t kept track of her, though my methods were a bit covert. I’d casually ask my mom if she was coming with her parents on a family vacation, or keep my ears peeled whenever my dad or Chase was on the phone whenever I was around. Mace was a typical teenage boy and didn’t have a clue what his older sister was doing away at college, and on the occasional time I mentioned her, he said he didn’t know, other than she had a boyfriend for the last year.
Did she still? I studied her expression as we both paused our conversation for a beat.
“Nothing you wouldn’t expect. Just school, studying, volunteering. Internship this past semester at the local children’s hospital.”
“Now it’s on to St. Jude?”
Remi nodded. “Yes, finally. 4 years of med school, then residency. Not as exciting as your future.”
“You’re going to save lives, Remi. I’m just kicking some dumb ball around. You’ve decided on med school instead of the grad program, then?”
“It was a hard decision. I want so much to be part of a research team that works to find a cure, but volunteering has reinforced how much I want to help these innocent little people directly. Research is probably more important, I don’t know. I just know that when I was in isolation as a little girl, those doctors and nurses helped me so much from feeling alone.”
“It’s all important.” Little by little, I’d learned every bit of Remi’s three-year battle with leukemia, since I was six years old. “You can always do the grad program after medical school if you want.”
“Oh, boy. You want me to study until I’m forty!” She laughed softly. I loved that sound. “Where should I go?” She asked about our destination.
“Just turn here,” I pointed to a side street in a quaint neighborhood.
She pulled off on one of the side streets and parked by the curb in front of an old house. The neighborhood was full of mature trees and in the daytime would be shaded. Now the foliage hid the stars from view, creating a blanket of darkness all around us, dotted only by the occasional streetlight and home lights scattered around.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” Remi asked.
I did. Growing up, we talked about everything, and sometimes went for long walks to talk. We both had our hardships before we met and though our families were so supportive of both of us, we leaned on each other the most. I found that now, I just wanted to slow down. I wanted the next hours to last. “Yeah.”
She shut off the engine and we both climbed out before she locked the doors with her key fob. She joined me on the sidewalk, and we started walking. The neighborhood was quaint, the houses older and the golden glow of the streetlights illuminating pieces of the path in front of us.
“So… are you going to Kansas City?”
We were close, our shoulders almost touching as we walked slowly along. I felt certain she already knew the answer. Chase would have told her everything, but I nodded. “Yes. The plan is to play with the KC team and the National team.”
“That’s far away from home.”
Remi glanced up at me with wide eyes and I couldn’t help putting an arm around her slender shoulders. Somehow the years melted away and I felt sadness at the prospect of leaving as if I was leaving her behind. My heart was heavy. “Far away from you, too.”
“I know.” I could hear the catch in her voice. “Isn’t it stupid? We’ve been apart for years and still… I’m sad.”
I felt my throat thicken as I gave her a gentle squeeze. It was all I could do not to kiss her forehead. “I know, me too. Do you have any time? I have two weeks before I’m going to Missouri. Maybe we could take a road trip or go to the ranch together.”
“You want to spend your last two weeks scooping up horse manure?” she asked incredulously. I could hear the tightness in her voice.
“We had some great times there, so maybe?” I tried to flash her a smile, dropping my arm back down to my side.
“What about Christy?”
I sighed. “Oh, boy. If I tell you the truth, you’ll think I’m an asshole.”
Remi offered a short laugh. “That’s okay. I already think you’re an asshole.”
