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When my fingers threaded through hers, she squeezed my hand back. I’d touched her before. Many times, but now I was a man, not a boy and I was clear on my intentions. It was weird how fast my eyes had been opened, but the past couple of days with Remi had made everything crystal clear. Would I be able to communicate how I was feeling about her, and would she be open to it?Alan, my brain tortured me again.
“Me, too. Tonight’s going to be fun!”
Remi’s enthusiasm was infectious, and I vowed to just let myself enjoy the weekend and hopefully the future would take care of itself. I hoped, but this new vulnerability I felt was not a place I was comfortable with, and I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to keep my desire in check.
As we drove in silence for a while, I spent the time contemplating our entwined hands and what it meant. My thumb rubbed over the top of her hand, and I realized, I never wanted to let go of her again.
Remi
My heart was almost beating out of my chest. Dylan was holding my hand like I’d always wanted him to, and I felt certain he could feel my pulse pounding through my fingers.
We were holding hands like we were a couple. It felt perfect, though I did feel guilty in wanting to be so close to Dylan because of Alan. My heart had always been with Dylan and after two years of immersing myself in school and nursing my broken heart, I gave Alan a chance at the urging of my best friend, Alison.
I’d silenced my phone at the hotel before we left but as twilight fell I could see that it was lighting up, and had done several times throughout the afternoon. Alan was trying to get in touch with me. I’d have to answer at some point, and I should want to, shouldn’t I? I should at least offer to have him to join us, but I found that I didn’t want to. It would be a sort of intrusion, and before I figured out how Alan worked into the equation of Dylan and me, I needed to figure us out first.
I glanced at Dylan as the dashboard lights cast his handsome face in light and shadow just as the sun slid behind the mountains. We were close; only about two miles from the park and he pulled into the resort office parking lot.
“I’ll go check in,” he murmured softly. For the first time in one hundred miles, he let go of my hand as he got out of the car. “The cabin is close, so we can stow our stuff and then head over to the park. We still have about an hour and a half until closing so I say we should make the most of it. We can go on a few rides tonight, then run into town and pick up a few groceries. The cabins have kitchens.”
“Okay,” I answered. “I remember.” As kids, our parents would rent out one of the largest cabins, and sometimes two, depending on if the entire family came with us. I smiled at him as he looked inside, about to shut the door behind him.
His lips slid into a crooked smile. “Yeah. Be right back.”
I watched Dylan’s lithe form disappear into the office of the resort. His broad shoulders, muscular back, and slim waist accented perfectly in his heather blue V-neck T-shirt, tall and lean in old beat-up jeans; his sandy blond hair was shaggy and overly long. Muscular thighs and butt clearly visible beneath the worn jeans. My heart thudded in a way that Alan never made it beat and sexual desire spread through me. I could feel heat flushing beneath my cheeks reminding myself of my relationship and of my BFF status with Dylan. I was in trouble.
I was suddenly afraid of the weekend in front of me. I wasn’t afraid of Dylan, but of my unconscious reaction to him, worried that my physical response would become obvious. He had held my hand, but I was afraid to think it was anything more than our relationship had always been. Dylan was the most important person on the planet to me, my heart acknowledged, regardless of any distance or disagreement. I inhaled a big breath at the same time my phone lit up inside my purse. I reached for it quickly but before I read the text, I knew the message would be from Alan.
Remi, what the hell? Does being with your family mean that you ghost me? I’m afraid something has happened to you! If you don’t respond, I’m calling the police.
I rolled my eyes without being able to stop myself, unsure why I was so negative toward a man who had been in my life for more than a year. Alan was usually so calm and unmoved, and he was smart enough to call my parents if he wanted to know where I was. This freak out was completely unlike him. I used both hands to quickly tap out my response, trying to squash my unwarranted irritation.
Everything is fine. I’m just with my family! Everyone came to celebrate Dylan’s last game including all my aunts, uncles, and cousins! I’ve just been busy.
Don’t call the police. I’ll text again on Monday.
I looked at the half-truth I’d just typed out, but I didn’t know what else to say. Should I tell him I was alone with Dylan? Guilt rushed over me as I found myself hopeful that Alan would accept my explanation and not try to contact me until the weekend had passed.
Alan didn’t deserve lies, but I didn’t want to cause him any unnecessary stress either. Dylan and I had been best friends for life and Alan knew about him, even if they hadn’t met.
This trip definitely felt different, but was it? “Ehhh…” I moaned, then quickly touched send when I saw Dylan coming out of the office and walk toward the car.
“Ready?” he asked. “The clerk said that there is a big bonfire with music and smores in Wildwood Grove, then there will be fireworks. We can make that and maybe save the rides for tomorrow? I’m starving, so I’d like to get one of the brisket sandwiches and fries.”
“Sure,” I said, putting my phone away. “Sounds good to me.”
Dylan’s phone pinged from his back pocket, and he pulled it out just before he slid into the driver’s seat. He clicked his phone off and tossed it in the center console. Instinctively, I knew the text was from Christy. Why would she give up so easily on her relationship with Dylan?
We hadn’t talked about her all evening even though he’d vowed to tell me what had happened during his talk with her. It was as if neither of us wanted to bring her up, though I was still curious. And suddenly, I was jealous of the intimacy I knew she’d shared with him. Intimacy that I’d wondered and fantasized about so often since puberty.
Feeling this way, wasn’t good. I knew it, but I couldn’t help myself. My heart wanted to be closer to Dylan. Secretly, I’d always wanted even more than what we’d always shared, but now that I was involved with Alan, it felt wrong. What I wanted went against what I knew was the right thing to do.
The entire drive up from Clemson was spent talking about growing up together and how great life was back then. We talked about Dylan’s hopes to excel on the USNMT like my dad had, and how my life would be consumed with school and volunteering for the next four years, but the fulfilment of a life-long dream. We were both on the precipice of what we’d always wanted for ourselves, and it felt amazing to be able to reconnect with Dylan. We sang along with my old playlist from high school, both of us practically screaming at the top of our lungs and then falling into fits of laughter. It had been a magical day. The hours in the car had flown by.
“The cabin is close and I’m glad, because I’m hungry and it’s only a short time before the parks close.” It only took five minutes for Dylan to drive there. The cabin was rustic from the outside and I conjured some memories of our childhood stays here. I remember brown leather furnishing and beds that were made from white pine logs.
“I’ll just throw the bags inside unless you need to change?” Dylan’s blue eyes questioned but his top lip was already lifting in a smile, knowing my answer.
“Are you kidding? I can almost smell the barbeque from the Hickory House from here!”
