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I was still smiling when I returned to my Rav4.
“What’s that big smile about?” Remi asked, her lips turning up in the start of a smile. I resisted the urge to grab her hand with mine.
“The clerk recognized me.” I grinned at her.
“Get used to it, Dylan. It will only happen more from here on out. You’ll have girls swarming all over you.”
We were turning out of the resort, and I shot her a glance. This time I did reach for her hand. “Remi…” I began.
She let me take her hand, but I could tell she was resisting the full response I craved.
Remi looked down at her lap and then out the window. “Dylan, it’s okay. I know what you’re going to say.”
I shook my head and squeezed her hand even more. “I don’t think you do. Last night was amazing and it just made me face the truth. I want to be with you.”
“But…”
“But nothing; I’ve known it for years; I just didn’t know what would happen if we tried to take our relationship in a romantic direction. Then you left Clemson, and I was so upset. I thought you must not feel the same way. I didn’t realize until this weekend that you did.”
When I looked at her, I couldn’t see her eyes, but I could see the muscles in her throat working as she swallowed, and there were tears in her voice when she spoke. “I’ve always cared about you so much. Forever.”
I lifted her hand and brought it to my mouth, kissing the back of her knuckles softly. “I’m so thankful for that, Remi. I want this to work.”
A small sob broke from her. “But, what about Alan?”
“On one hand I feel like a dick for making love to you when I knew you were spoken for, but on the other, I just feel that you’ve always been mine. I can’t help it.” It was a relief to finally get my feelings out.
“But all these years, and all the women… I don’t understand.”
“I was fighting against falling in love with you. Our families were entwined, and you were my best friend. I didn’t want to jeopardize it, and even though we aren’t related at all, I guess I worried how it would look. Now I don’t care. I can’t deny how I feel anymore.”
We were just accelerating onto the highway when a big fat tear tumbled down her cheek and she glanced in my direction as she wiped it off with her right hand. “I have commitments now. I shouldn’t have slept with you last night. I feel so guilty.”
I sighed heavily. I knew she’d feel regret. “Then why did you?” I had to ask.
“Because, if we only had one chance to be together, I had to know how it would feel.”
“It felt damn good,” I murmured. “The best night of my life.”
Her shoulders began to shake a little as she began to cry harder. “I wish you would have told me sooner. I wish you’d put up a fight to keep me at Clemson. Now, I feel like a horrible person for what I’ve done.”
“Remi, I didn’t mean to put you in that position. I just wanted you so much, and like you, I wanted at least one night. If it is going to be our only chance, I couldn’t let the opportunity pass. I’m sorry, honey.”
We drove in silence for a while as she collected herself and blew her nose on a leftover napkin she’d found in the side of her door. “I’m not sure what to do. Even if I break up with Alan, we’re still long distance.”
“I get it if you don’t trust me,” I lamented. “I can only say that I love you and you just have to give me a chance to prove it. I only want to be with you from now on.”
I felt like I was about to fall off a cliff. She could save me or send me tumbling over to a fate worse than death. I could feel her looking at me and tore my eyes from the road to steal a look at her face. Her eyes were soft, and her chin trembled. Finally, her fingers laced with mine and she squeezed my hand. “I want you, too, but I hate hurting Alan.”
“I understand. Take your time, and I’ll be here when you take care of things on your end.” My heart felt fuller than it ever had in my life. “Are you hungry?” I smiled at her, feeling the love between us. “I gave you quite a workout last night.”
“Sure, I could eat,” she answered. “Then the drive through the forest?”
I could tell she was still sad about Alan, but just hearing that she wanted to be with me, was enough for now. “You read my mind. Let’s just be together today. I want to soak up every second without thinking about anything but you.”
Remi
After stopping for gas and grabbing a convenience store breakfast of egg and sausage pizza and coffee, we took the back way home through the national forest and Smokey Mountain National Park. It was beautiful. The pine and spruce trees mixed with tall birch with their white barked trunks canopies of lush green leaves. The temperature was increasing with the sun’s rising position in the sky.
