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“It was like an explosion of pain inside me, and I couldn’t deal with it. Not after we’d told each other we loved each other.”
“Remi—,” I sighed deeply. “I’d already told Christy we were done but she kept trying, but it was one-sided. I wouldn’t have ever made love to you if she and I were still dating. I can’t prove it to you. Why is it so hard for you to trust me? You know me better than anyone in the world.”
“Maybe, not. I didn’t know how you felt for years.”
I felt like a big weight was sitting on my chest and I wanted to shout at her, but reigned myself in.
“Ditto, me too! But I’m not blaming you, as you seem to be doing to me. We were stupid kids who were afraid of rejection and after that was a big fucked up misunderstanding on both of our parts! We need to move past this if we want a future together, Remi. Why are you so damn stubborn?”
When she looked at me with big eyes but without a word, I continued. I felt desperate to convince her despite my anger about the situation. “Christy is nobody to me. She was a good time and a sure thing.”
Remi pulled her hand away from me abruptly and pain filled her expression, and it was time for damage control.
“I’m not proud of it and I know that sounds callous, but I want to be one hundred percent honest so we can get over this. You are the woman I want to be with.”
Tears started falling softly, and I wished with all my heart that we had waited to have this conversation in a private place. “The picture that admission paints is exactly what I’m afraid of happening. I may have insecurities and if never feeling like that again is what you mean by ‘trust you’ I can’t promise.”
I got up and moved to her side of the table and pulled my chair around to sit next to her. I put my arm around her, my hand closing over the edge of her chair to pull her closer to me. I took her right hand in mine and leaned my head against hers. I didn’t give a rat’s ass that twenty people were looking at us. I was going to give it one last try.
“Youare who I want.Youare who I’vealways wanted, but I didn’t think it was going to happen so yes, there were women. If you love me, then just love me, because I can’t do a damn thing about how much I love you. I’ll love you until I die, whether we’re together or not, Remi.” My voice was urgent as I spoke low into her ear. “Ultimately, we’re either going to be happy together or miserable apart.”
Her slim shoulders lurched as a quiet cry broke from her. My arm was still around her butt with my hand resting on her hip and I released her hand to turn her face toward mine. I took her mouth in a desperately passionate kiss. My tongue thrust into her mouth to tangle with hers. In a matter of a few seconds our mouths were moving together, and her hands came up to slide around my neck and into my hair to hold my head. Her mouth opened wider as the kiss deepened because we couldn’t help ourselves. The kiss was a slow, deepening, worship of each other until we were brought back to reality by a young child’s voice.
“Mommy, look! That man is eating that lady!”
“Come away, Jenny! We’re late for Grandma’s house,” a woman said.
Remi and I broke apart abruptly, though we still held on to each other. We were both smiling and trying to smother laugher as what had just happened registered. Remi blushed and put a hand to her mouth before we both burst out laughing.
When we sobered, my thumb stroked her jaw slowly. “Let’s get out of here.”
She nodded and our bodies separated, though my hand threaded through hers. I never wanted to stop touching her. “I have to go get some boxes for all of this food,” she said softly, love shining from her eyes. She leaned in to place a small kiss on my mouth.
I lifted her hand and kissed the back of it before reluctantly letting her go. “Do you want to take Rory breakfast?”
“I think I will get her a kid’s meal of pancakes and scrambled eggs.”
I took out some cash and handed it to her. “Sounds good.”
“I can get it,” she started to protest.
“No, I want to,” I said, with a slow smile.
Remi’s happiness was glowing from her expression as she went off to place the order and get the boxes. She was so beautiful she took my breath away. I couldn’t wait to get her outside to kiss her until she was completely senseless, and as soon as possible.
Remi
We parked in the visitor parking at St. Jude’s.
“I have to park here because you don’t have a volunteer badge,” I apologized. I could get in the employee door in the garage using my badge, but there was a security guard in place, and I knew most of them, but I knew it wasn’t protocol and I couldn’t ask them to allow Dylan through as a favor.
“It’s not a big deal,” Dylan replied. “I run miles every day, so walking a couple hundred yards won’t kill me, babe.”
My face flushed with pleasure at the endearment. We had been holding hands the entire distance from the restaurant for the short fifteen-minute drive to the hospital. I felt like I was flying, and Dylan’s touch was the fuel that kept me elevated. Even last night with the awkwardness of Alan’s presence, I was elated to see him. Only one thing would have made the night in his arms better, but hearing Dylan say he wanted to make love to me had a visceral reaction on my body.
I found myself being thankful that Alan didn’t have an internship or orderly job at St. Jude and so the only person who knew we were seeing each other at all was Marcia and she knew all about Dylan. She’d understand because I’d cried on her shoulder about him a few times but had confided the entire story after my return from the ranch.
I shut off the engine after I parked and got out of the car. Walking in, Dylan placed a possessive hand at the back of my waist, and I found myself not wanting to explain our relationship to everyone who knew me. More than that, I just wanted to make sure things were settled before I started telling the world.
