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It’s precisely what I asked her to do when I turned her away. It’s different when I hear her talk about it. When it’s not just an abstract idea but something real.
“I thought I could do it.” She tilts her head back, eyes tracing over the stars before returning to mine. “I thought I could forget the past. Only focus on the present. And the future. A future with Tristan. He was willing to give up so much for me.”
“Which is what you deserve.”
She steps toward me, a vulnerability about her I haven’t seen before. “But I couldn’t let him do that, Creed. Not when someone else still possesses my heart.”
My chest tightens, becoming increasingly painful with every word she speaks. I can’t stomach hearing her feelings for me. Not when there’s nothing either of us can do about it.
“Esme, I—”
She holds up her hand, cutting me off. “I understand you’ve made your choice, and it’s not me. I’ve spent all of my life keeping my feelings locked up tight for fear they’ll be used against me. Or worse, not returned. But I’m not going to do that anymore.
“I didn’t tell you this in New York. And it may not make a difference, but if there’s anything I’ve learned in my life, it’s that everything’s fleeting. I may not get another chance to tell you.”
“Tell me what exactly?” I ask hesitantly, unsure I want to know.
But at the same time, desperate to find out.
“That you haven’t left my mind for so much as a second in the past nine years. Even when I was with Tristan, it wasyourhands I imagined touching me.Yourlips I imagined kissing me.Yourbody I imagined loving me. Even if I lived nine lifetimes, I’ll never stop thinking about you. I’ll never stop wanting you.” She pulls her lips between her teeth to stop her chin from quivering. “I’ll never stoplovingyou. You own my heart, Creed Lawson. Regardless of what our future holds, you always will.”
I stare at her, the weight of her admission crushing me.
I want to go to her. Sweep her into my arms. Kiss her and promise her we’ll find a way to make it work. Tell hershehasn’t left my mind for a second during the past nine years. That she still owns my heart. That she always will.
But it won’t change anything. Choosing her would mean breaking my promise to Adam. I can’t do that.
So instead of telling her how I feel, I simply say, “I’m sorry.”
The air between us thickens, and I shift my weight from foot to foot, waiting for her to say something.
But she doesn’t. Just stares at me with resignation, as if she fully expected me to respond this way.
Feeling my resolve crack the longer I remain in her presence, I force my legs to move and turn from her, continuing up the street. With each step, the heat of her stare burns hotter, even though I wish it was nothing more than an icy chill.
“We weren’t going to my mother’s grave.”
At the sound of her voice, I halt in my tracks and glance over my shoulder, brows furrowed.
“The night Adam died,” she clarifies. “He wasn’t taking me to my mother’s grave. I just…” She briefly looks to the sky once more before returning her gaze to mine. “I just thought you should know.”
She spins on her heels and hurries up the street, disappearing into Harriet’s townhouse, her statement repeating in my mind.
What does that have to do with anything?
ChapterForty-Four
Esme
My steps aresluggish as I walk into my apartment after midnight, this part of the city much more quiet compared to the bustling nightlife near Harriet’s townhouse.
Or maybe it’s just my apartment that’s too quiet. Too empty. Especially after I finally poured my heart out to Creed, only for him to shatter it all over the sidewalk.
To be honest, I hadn’t planned on sharing my feelings with him tonight. Over the past few months, I’d convinced myself it didn’t matter, despite Marius insisting it might. But some outside force took over, causing me to finally tell him everything I’d kept locked inside for years now.
Well,almosteverything.
I just couldn’t bring myself to come right out with the truth of the night Adam died, not after how anguished Creed looked when I told him we weren’t going to my mother’s grave. He was so distraught. So tormented, like every word was another boulder crushing his chest. I couldn’t add any more weight to that.
