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So I left it at that, allowing him to draw his own conclusions from my statement.
I knew there was a chance he’d respond this way. That sharing my feelings wouldn’t make a difference.
It still stings, though. Because now I have no choice but to face the truth that Creed will never choose me.
Pausing in the formal living room, I lean against the bookshelf and unzip my boots, my feet screaming in relief once I kick them to the floor. I leave them there, and start toward the wet bar to pour myself a heaping glass of scotch when a knock cuts through the silence.
Considering Archie left less than a minute ago, I assume it’s him and make my way toward the door. But when I glance at the security monitor, Archie isn’t standing in the foyer.
Confusion knitting my brows, I open the door. “Creed, wha—”
“I couldn’t go home,” he interrupts as he pushes past me, walking into my apartment without an invitation.
“Okay…” I draw out, closing the door and taking a timid step toward him. He’s normally calm, not much getting to him.
There’s nothing calm about him right now. He seems agitated. Unsettled. Conflicted.
“I thought I had it all figured out,” he says, pacing the length of my living room. “Thought I was doing the right goddamn thing. WhatAdamasked me to do. He specifically made me promise I’d look out for Rory and AJ if anything happened to him. So that’s what I’ve done. I’ve made them my priority over everything else. Including my own happiness.”
“Adam wouldn’t—”
“Adam wouldn’t want that for me, right? Is that what you’re going to say?”
I nod.
“That’s what my mum tried to tell me.” He runs his hand over his face. “I tried to pretend everything was okay. That I wasn’t spending every fucking minute convincing myself I didn’t make a colossal mistake in New York.” He lifts his eyes to meet mine. “But mums just know these things, I guess. Told me Adam wouldn’t want this life for me.”
“He wouldn’t.”
“I know.” He slowly nods as he peers into space. “Do you know what else Mum told me?”
I swallow hard. “What’s that?”
“That Adam was willing to lose everything for my happiness.”
“He loved you, Creed. He—”
He holds up his hand, expression pinched, as if my words physically pain him. Just like earlier tonight.
He takes a few moments to collect himself before pinning his stare on me once more.
“Tonight, you said Adam wasn’t taking you to your mother’s grave, like the royal household claimed following the attack.”
Emptiness settles in the pit of my stomach, my mouth growing dry. “That’s correct.”
“Right.” He turns, digging his hands through his hair as he paces once more. “At first, I had no idea why the hell that mattered. It made no bloody sense how that could be relevant to what we were discussing. Tous.” He stops in his tracks. “Until I remembered what my mum told me.”
My heart thrashes in my chest as he stalks toward me, a myriad of emotions swirling in his eyes. Heartache. Despair. Confusion. Grief. Fear. Hope.
But through them all, I see the love he still has for me, regardless of how much we’ve hurt each other over the years.
“I’m going to ask you a question. And I’m begging you to give me the truth. Not avoid answering for fear of what it will reveal.”
“Okay,” I answer with a tremble.
“The night my brother was killed, where was he taking you?” He can barely say the words, his voice choked, eyes welling with tears.
“To your apartment,” I whisper.
