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Ozias and Calem had managed to chase off the other Mizobats, and they’d ushered Boo to the deck surrounding Cruor. I rushed to my injured beast and ran my fingers over his coat, counting the number of wounds and gauging their depth. Once I’d started my assessment, Ozias and Calem left without a word to join Kost.
He would be fine. He’d always be fine without me.
And so I slipped inside to gather supplies from the medical wing to do the one thing I couldn’t mess up: care for a beast.
THREE
KOST
“Tell me exactly what happened.”
Ozias, Calem, Gaige, and I were under a makeshift canopy Ozias had set up for Boo. He crouched before Boo’s head, gently rubbing his snout as Gaige attended to the wounds on his rib cage. After threading a suture needle, Gaige began methodically stitching Boo’s abdomen together. Calem leaned against the railing of the deck and crossed his ankles. He met my hard gaze for a beat, then quickly glanced at Ozias.
“Well?” I prompted.
After another shared look, Ozias cleared his throat. “It wasn’t a big deal.” Gaige paused for a moment, as if the response had taken him aback, but he recovered quickly and continued to work in silence. I narrowed my eyes.
“You really shouldn’t worry so much.” Calem rolled his head from side to side. “Honestly, this isn’t the first time a Kitska monster has stumbled onto our lawns.”
“It’s the first timethishas happened.” I gestured wide to include all of them. Calem was covered in blood, and there was a network of lashes across Ozias’s arms and Gaige’s back. Not to mention Boo’s severe injuries. My family would heal fast enough. Theundead could recover from almost anything. Beneath the slick layer of red on Calem’s chest, I could already see tendons sewing together and skin re-forming as the minutes passed. But Boo? My eyes cut to the Kitska beast, then to Gaige.
“You were lucky,” I said. “This could’ve been much worse.”
“What could’ve been? Boo’s injuries?” Gaige’s answer was terse. He set the needle down and dug his fingers into a clay jar, scooping out a hefty amount of salve. Gingerly, he slathered it against his beast’s hide. Boo let out a sigh of relief and dropped his head into Ozias’s hands. His eyes slipped closed, and within a matter of moments he was snoring. Gaige wiped away the last remnants of ointment on his trousers. “Or maybe you were referring to me?”
For a moment, I didn’t respond. I hadn’t meant to insinuate anything, but the truth was undeniable. Gaige wasn’t in control. I was in my study when this whole debacle started, and I’d thought everything was fine. I’d watched from my window as Gaige, so confidently and calmly, approached the Kitska beasts. And they’d responded beautifully, only for a sudden influx of shadows to destroy the budding trust he’d built.
Ozias stood. “I don’t think that’s what he—”
“You start training in the morning. That’s an order,” I said, ignoring Ozias’s attempt to smooth things over. Whether or not I hurt Gaige with my assessment was irrelevant. The only thing that mattered was ensuring something like this never happened again.
Gaige glowered at me. “You’re good at giving those lately.”
“It’s for your own safety,” I said. My chest tightened as I fought to keep my voice flat. I didn’t understand how he could continue to fight me on this. There was absolutely no point in denying what he was any longer. But every time I let my emotions get the better of me, I ended up saying something I didn’t mean. Facts, even when cold and harsh, were easier—safer. “Keep acting this way, and you’ll die. No one here can save you but you.”
Gaige launched to his feet and met me head-on. “At least this time if I die, you won’t be able to bring me back.”
“Is that what this is all about?” Shadows furled around me, moving at a breakneck pace until a slender rapier took shape in my hand. Gripping it tight, I raised it between us. “I promised to end your life at any point if you requested it. Are you ready?”
Heat simmered in his steel-blue glare, and the muscles along his jaw twitched. He inched ever so slightly closer, resting his cheek against my blade. And then an achingly familiar emotion filled his eyes: anguish. I could hardly unpack the weight of his pain, and it hit me with enough force to take wind from my lungs. Something broke in my chest, and I let the rapier disappear as my shoulders slackened. I’d just decided to stand by him, and now I was threatening him. Even if it was an oath I’d promised to uphold.
Even if I knew I could never follow through on such a promise.
His lips quivered, and he squeezed his eyes shut. He inhaled deeply, and when he met my gaze again, all expression was wiped clean from his face.
Without a word, Gaige turned and walked away. The door closed softly behind him, and I deflated entirely. How did he continue to do this to me? There was nothing left between us, that much was evident. Yet every hard look from him was like a blade to the gut, constantly twisting deeper so I was forced to remember why, exactly, it hurt so bad. All because I’d let him slip past my defenses and entertained the ridiculous notion that we could’ve actually been something…more.
Sliding my hand beneath my glasses, I pinched my nose. “Tell me what really happened.”
“I mean, what we told you is the gist of it.” Calem pushed off the railing and quietly stepped around Boo. “One minute everything was fine, and the next it wasn’t. There’s not much to tell.”
“Did he summon those shadows?” I let my hand fall away and slowly walked toward the porch. My brothers fell in line beside me, worry lines framing their eyes. Gaige was important to all of us, not just me.
“I don’t think he would deliberately.” Ozias rubbed the back of his neck.
“Let me rephrase: did either of you summon those shadows?” They didn’t respond, which was answer enough. Sighing, I took the steps to the back door and paused for a moment. I’d hoped being beneath the same roof with Gaige would make things easier. I’d hoped he’d come around and see that our life,mylife, wasn’t as cursed as he believed it to be. So far, all it was doing was hurting us both. “The new recruits had already returned to the manor at that point. So, it stands to reason that if you didn’t summon the shadows, then it must’ve been him.” Tilting my head upward, I scanned the rows of windows until I spotted Gaige’s on the second story. “And if he’s summoning shadows against his will with that much violence…” I didn’t need to finish that thought. “Do what you can to get him to train.”
I let the door softly click closed behind me as I made my way inside. My sour mood was more pervasive than Gaige’s shadows, and the assassins all but faded away as I moved through the halls. When I finally reached my quarters, I quickly locked the door—futile, considering who resided here, but somehow still reassuring—and breathed a weighted sigh. The rich mahogany bed edged in bronze dominated my vision. I wasn’t convinced sleep would truly cure the bone-deep exhaustion, but it would at least put the day’s events temporarily behind me. Slipping out of my shoes, I set them neatly by the oil-rubbed armoire. Then, I unbuttoned my ebony vest and finally freed myself of my long-sleeved tunic.
