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A phantom pain rippled from the decades-old scar over mychest. Instinctively, my fingers traced the twisting path, as if the fatal wound were a whorling pattern on a wooden table.Jude.A brackish taste flooded my tongue, and I jerked my hand away. It’d been years since I’d even thought of my former lover, but the memories of him—of the pain he’d inflicted—were becoming more insistent. It was as if Gaige’s presence caused them to resurface, as if I needed to relive that agony in order to better understand him.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I muttered. Sinking to the mahogany bed, I touched the bronze key resting against my sternum. I told myself that I’d elected to wear my key for security purposes. Kaori, Calem’s mentor and a member of the Charmers Council, had gifted us all with mage-crafted, indestructible necklaces where we attached our beasts’ keys. It was practical. Safe. And it had absolutely nothing to do with the absurd notion that Gaige also wore his about his neck. Wrapping my fingers in the chain, I held the key in my palm and thought only of Felicks, my Poi fox beast.
Warmth blossomed from the pendant and purled through my limb as the groan of hinges filled my room. Felicks appeared not a moment later. Leaping into my lap, he placed his paw on my chest and gave each cheek a single lick.
“Hello, Felicks.” I stroked the length of his spine, marveling at the snow-white color of his fur and the sable stripe running from his crown to the tip of his tail. The amethyst orb nestled between his massive ears clouded for a moment, and as the fog cleared, a series of still pictures filled my mind. His ability to predict the future for up to two minutes at a time, and consequently share that vision with me, was an invaluable asset. For now, though, he only foresaw a good scratch beneath the chin, followed by a nap against my chest.
Chuckling, I obliged and ran my fingers along his maw. “When are you going to show me something I don’t already know?”
Of course, it was fairly obvious to assume that my gentlecreature would enjoy a good scratch, and yet the more time I spent with Felicks, the more in tune with his power I became. Sometimes, even when he wasn’t around, I’d experience a strange moment of precognition. Almost as if my surroundings had slowed, but my actions, my vision, kept moving in real time. It’s how I’d made it in time during the Mizobat attack. It was as if I’d known they’d attack before the creatures even did.
Glancing down at my beast, I let out a quiet hum. I’d been consistently summoning him from day one, which meant he could now remain in our world for considerable amounts of time. Days, even. No doubt that only deepened our bond and made it easier for him to share visions with me. I wondered if, somehow, he was showing me what he could from the beast realm.
Felicks tilted his head to get a better angle, and then batted my hand away. He pranced to the center of bed, circling once before promptly sitting atop the pewter duvet. With his tail twitching over the damask pattern, he pinned me with an unblinking, impatient stare.
“Tsk.You’re impatient tonight.” Placing my glasses on the nightstand, I slipped into bed. Felicks let out a quiet but happy bark as he snuggled in the crook of my arm with his head atop my chest. His eyes slid closed.
“Can you show me anything else?” I murmured. “Anything more than the immediate future. I…” I gently rubbed his ears and along his orb, and his breathing deepened. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Felicks. I don’t know how to make things better.”
But as the minutes passed and my beast fell into a deep slumber, the visions stopped altogether. And while I hadn’t expected his power to suddenly expand in such an unprecedented way, I couldn’t help but feel utterly defeated. I’d helped countless assassins adjust to their new lives. I’d been the target of so many emotions—rage, misery, indifference. I’d weathered it all, and yet somehow, withGaige it was different. It was the opposite of manageable, and I couldn’t escape it.
Perhaps it was so difficult to navigate this situation because I was the guild master. I’d been the second-in-command for so long that I assumed I’d be prepared for the role of leader. Yet, as I lay there staring at the ceiling, mindlessly petting Felicks, I knew the responsibility I felt, the guilt, went beyond the position I held at Cruor.
No, this was unique to Gaige. This was why I’d chosen never to fall in love again. Not that I had fallen in love with him, of course, but this burn was so similar to the pain I felt because of Jude that it was hard to not liken my previous experience to this.
This was a predicament of my own making, and I had to fix it. No matter what that outcome entailed.
FOUR
GAIGE
Iabsolutely loathed my room. Everything in Cruor was far too…heavy. Tables crafted from solid wood and squared off in a precise, efficient style—dark stains as far as the eye could see. There were enough wrought-iron accents to convince me that one of their leaders had stake in an iron mine at some point in their past. When I’d first caught a glimpse of this place, it’d held an air of mystery and intrigue, and I’d found the low lighting and dark palette alluring. If a building could possibly smolder, Cruor positively did. But now…I just missed home.
Rolling to my side on the four-poster bed, I pulled the woven sheets tight around me. It was impossible not to stare at the damning pair of gloves resting on the bedside table. I placed them there each night, and I’d slip them on again the moment I rose. I hadn’t taken to sleeping with them on yet, but the possibility was always there.
Pale, ivory light slanted through the thick pleated curtains, and for a moment, I could almost pretend I was back in Hireath. There, the moonlight had bounced across the alabaster tiles in my room, bathing everything in a pleasant glow. There was space to move, to think, to breathe. It was like living in a cloud, complete with airy drapery and soft hues to accent the white oak furnishings. Thesteady roar from the waterfall was a constant backdrop, and the absence of it now was deafening.
But it was gone, decimated by Ocnolog, and I didn’t have the strength to face my people—my friends—and rebuild the home I’d once loved.
Plus, I had my own share of problems I needed to sort out first.
I bit out a wordless curse and yanked the spare pillow over my face. The old me would’ve leapt at the opportunity to learn a new skill, especially one as useful as bending shadows to my will. But wielding them with purpose would be an acceptance of my fate, and while I knew I couldn’t change my situation, I wasn’t sure I was ready to let go of the life I used to have. But perhaps more importantly—and more paralyzing—I was afraid of the dark stealing what little solace I’d found in taming the Kitska beasts. This magic was all-consuming. No other member of Cruor, or even Charmers for that matter, could tame the monsters in the cursed wood. It was an ability unique to me. My Charmer’s lure—the very magic we used to tame wild beasts—was tainted but still alive within my veins. If I lost that talent, too…
As if on cue, a distant, warbling howl sounded in the night. Others might have found the errant cries startling, but there was something peaceful about the bestial calls. They were a reminder of home, and they had a way of soothing my senses. My limbs grew heavy as my thoughts slowly faded away, and I welcomed the promise of sleep. Just as my consciousness was about to succumb, an errant shiver coursed over my body. I pulled the blankets tighter. Moments later, though, the insistent, prickling sensation was back.
I pulled the pillow off my face, expecting to find I’d somehow untucked myself, and froze.
A vast and endless expanse of gray stretched out before me. Thin smoke carpeted the floor, and it curled and churned as if abreeze were ushering it forward. Yet, there wasn’t a whisper of wind to be found. Or any sound, for that matter.
“Calem? Ozias?” I sat upright and gripped the edge of the bed tightly. “Kost?”
No one answered, but I wasn’t convinced they could hear me. The void had swallowed my call the moment it left my lips. A quiet ringing started in my ears, and my breath quickened. Immediately, my hand went to Okean’s key. I’d expected to feel a pulse, like a warm heartbeat, signaling my connection to my beast was intact. Instead, the key was ice-cold against my skin. My stomach hardened. Where was I, even? Could I summon my beast in this state? What dangers would he face?
Relax. You’re dreaming.My cantering heart slowed. I was no stranger to lucid dreams, but this was beyond any I’d experienced before. I could taste the minerals in the air, feel the soft kiss of mist. But everything from my room, save the bed where I waited, had disappeared. Dreaming was the most plausible explanation. Cautiously, I uncurled my fingers and once again studied the quiet abyss.
With a slow, steady movement, I grazed the top of the mist with my foot. It furled outward, revealing a bed of smooth, ebony river stones. After a moment, the smoky tendrils lazily re-formed and obscured the earth.
“Joy,” I murmured. “What lovely inner mess am I about to unpack?” Since my transformation, I’d been plagued with nights like this. The good dreams, the ones about my past, always ended up hurting the most because they ended when I woke. They were worse than the nightmares. Exhaling deeply, I stood only for the bed to vanish in a puff of smoke.
