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“Beer,” I answer. Lee gives me my usual drink and I take a long drink. It’s bitter, cold, and frothy, and it makes something tight in my gut relax.
I’m not usually one to self-medicate. I like a social drink once in a while, but I’ve never been the type of guy to turn to alcohol to numb my problems.
Today, though, I feel like I could get lost in the bottle. I can’t stop thinking of that hospital, of Lily there on her own. I should be beside her. I should be the one who was carrying her overnight bag, who made sure she had enough to eat. That’s my responsibility.
I blink and take another gulp of beer because I know that’s a lie. Lily was never my responsibility. Even when I was buried inside her, not an inch of space between her skin and mine, she kept me at arm’s length. I wonder how long it’ll take for her to take off on another international trip, once her treatment is done? How long until she’s gone forever?
No matter what Lee says to me whenever he leans against the bar across from me, my mind drifts to the hospital bed where Lily is lying. I wonder if she’s awake. If she’s in pain. If there’s a damn thing I could do to make her life any easier.
Then I remember her face when she told me she didn’t want me, and I finish the rest of my beer. Lee pours me another.
“Rough day?” the suit sitting at the bar asks, leaning both arms against the sticky wooden surface. He nods to the empty glass Lee takes away as he replaces it with a full one.
I nod. “Yeah. You?”
He grunts. “Rough couple of months.”
I huff. I can relate. It feels like ever since Lily arrived in town, my world has been thrown off-kilter. I’ve never felt this kind of burning need before. It’s not sex. It’s the need to care for someone. I could call Georgia Neves and have her on her back within the hour. I could call any number of booty calls to scratch an itch—but I don’t want to. I want to be sitting in a chair next to Lily’s bed, holding her hand and listening to her breathe.
What the fuck is up with that?
“Woman?” The man beside me nods to the now-half-empty pint glass in front of me. I hadn’t even realized I’d drank any of it.
I arch a brow.
He snorts. “The only time a man downs a drink as fast as you did just now is because he’s thinking of a woman.” He lifts his empty glass and arches his brows meaningfully.
I grunt. “You too?”
“She’s fucking gorgeous,” he says. “And she wants nothing to do with me.”
My next sip of beer goes down easy, and I nod. “I know the feeling.”
“Phil,” the man says as he extends a hand. “I’m staying here for a week.” He points to a stairwell, and I nod, remembering the day I heard about the booking. “Trying to win her back.”
“Rudy,” I answer. We shake, and Phil moves one stool closer, so there’s only one seat between us. I’d rather drink alone—even Lee has stopped trying to talk to me—but I say nothing. Maybe this guy needs to get something off his chest.
“I used to like that she was independent, you know?” Phil lifts his glass to ask for another. Lee nods, pouring out the golden liquid with expert movements. Phil waits for his drink, then takes a long sip before continuing. “I thought it was a good thing that she wasn’t needy.”
A bitter smile tugs at my lips. “It’s all good until you realize you want her to need you.”
“Fucking exactly.” He shakes his head. His fingers play with the damp coaster under his beer. “She’s carrying my kid, you know.”
I arch my brows. “Rough.”
“I fucked up, though. Made her think I didn’t want it. My ex-wife—the woman I was with before her…” He shakes his head. “It’s complicated, but I’m here now. She’s not answering her phone, though.” He glances over at me. “What about you?”
“Not talking to me either,” I admit. “She’s sick, and she’s convinced she wants to deal with it alone.”
“Shit,” the man says, sympathy written in his eyes. “She won’t let you help?”
“I’m completely powerless,” I admit.
“Screw that,” Phil grunts. “You should go to her. She might tell you she doesn’t want your help, but she sure as hell won’t refuse it if you give it without asking.”
My brows arch. “I’m not so sure. This woman…she’s something else.”
Phil lets out a bitter laugh. “Sounds like my woman. Mind of her own. I told her I couldn’t do a relationship, but she fucking sucked me in. Next thing I knew, I was traveling hours out of my way just to get a taste of her.”
