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His sympathy was too much. He was so sure of her, so much more concerned for her than for himself. She couldn’t bear the guilt a moment longer. “We thought I was drinking your magic as a surrogate for blood. But we were wrong. I’ve been channeling your magic out of you. Leeching off of you to fill the void where my own power should be.”
His eyes widened.
“I will not make excuses for myself. It doesn’t matter that we didn’t know, or that I’m struggling to control it. That doesn’t change the fact that you never had the opportunity to consent. I feel such shame knowing that I’ve done this to you. That I’m still doing it. If it isn’t what you want, I will find a way to make it stop.”
He didn’t pull away. In fact, he pulled her closer, stroking her face and hair with a barely contained fierceness in his touch. She searched his face, but for once, she couldn’t read the meaning in his tightly drawn brows and the complicated emotion in his eyes.
“Do I have enough magic to sustain you?” he asked.
Her heart broke. That was his first question?
Of course it was.
“Don’t think about me,” she said. “For just one moment, think about yourself.”
He held up a hand. “I need to fully understand the facts. I assume Rudhira and Annassa Soteira want to study the long-term effects?”
She hesitated, then nodded.
“What can they say with confidence as of now?” Lio asked.
“They believe you have more than enough magic. There is little risk that I’ll deplete you, and this process is not causing you any physical or magical harm that we can detect.”
“Is it hurting you? Are there any side effects of you channeling blood magic through arcane pathways made for Lustra magic?”
“Not that we’re aware of.”
In the pause that followed, he said, “What aren’t you telling me?”
“I don’t want you to base your decision on the danger to me, any more than you wanted me to stay with you because of your Craving. But I know how I felt when you didn’t tell me I’m your Grace. So I will tell you everything, because you deserve to know.”
“How great is the danger to you?” he demanded.
“It seems my magic was due to awaken some time before now. I suppose around the time we first started to notice the magical current during our feasts. If you hadn’t been sustaining me…I wouldn’t have survived this long without my own power.”
He looked as devastated as she had feared. For a long moment, he said nothing, just pulled her face against his chest and held her. He didn’t touch her with his magic, but his arms, his presence, felt more powerful than any thelemancy.
“You had to bear this news alone,” he said, “when I was out of reach.”
“It doesn’t matter how much I need you or what the consequences are. Respect your own choice in this, as surely as you respected mine about our bond. Ask yourself—is this all right with you?”
“My Grace. Thank you for being so concerned about my Will.”
“Of course I am. What Hesperine principle is more sacred? You’ve cherished my Will since the moment we met. What can I ever do to make amends for not treating you that way in return?”
“You know I gave you my magic willingly in the Maaqul.”
“It was different then. We didn’t understand what I was really doing to you. We thought it was because of my Craving.”
“How is it any different now?” he asked.
“It isn’t something beautiful like Grace. It’s some strange warping of the rules of magic. I’m channeling you…feeding on your power. Taking it out of you.”
“What could be more natural than feeding on your Grace? All of me. Body. Blood. Magic.”
She slid away from him, drawing her feet up on the sofa. She had to put distance between them, or she would give in to how natural the current felt. She would believe his words and forget how wrong it was.
He shook his head, looking so confused. “Why does this trouble you so?”
