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I closed my eyes again, anticipating darkness, but there they were again.
Anna,he called out.
“Okay. I’m back.” Jae’s voice startled me.
I opened my eyes to find her standing near me with a bag of food in her hands.
“We have to get you a new IV with lots of fluids in a second, but right now, let’s pig out. I’m starving and I refuse to eat another night alone.”
My silence worried her.
“What’s the matter?”
“Nothing,” I answered, rubbing the side of my head, “I think I’m getting a headache.”
“That’s normal. Your brain is working overtime after no activity. Headaches will be often and strong in magnitude over the next few months. We’ll get you something for those. Don’t sweat it.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
As she prepared the meal for us to share, I closed my eyes again. This time, the darkness I’d searched for found its way to me. I sighed in relief, simultaneously thanking God for what He’d done in my life. I didn’t remember much of anything that had happened leading up to the car accident that had led me to this point or anything during my two-year stint, but I was happy to still be alive. I owed Him my life.
* * *
All the daysfelt lumped together. For a full week, I remained in the hospital. By the time I was released, I’d managed to conquer a few milestones. Those included standing, walking, eating with utensils, writing, and going to the bathroom alone. According to doctors, my progress was impeccable and I’d defied science a bit more each day.
“Comfortable?” my father asked, standing a few feet away as I sat on the full-sized bed, the centerpiece of my old bedroom.
He’d built it himself and was still proud of his handiwork. It was the first time he’d ever built anything from scratch. It sparked his love for crafting and small home renovations.
“Ummm. Hmmm.”
“You mind?” He pointed toward the rocking chair near the window.
“No.”
He rested his body, groaning in the process. Jae was accurate in her observation. I didn’t remember all the worry lines and creases on my father’s face. He’d aged significantly during the time I spent in the hospital. The thought gripped at my heart’s strings. Knowing that I’d possibly stolen a few years of his life was disheartening.
“Listen, I wanted to talk to you about your mother, Aeir.”
“Dad, please.”
“I get that you’re upset with her, and you have every reason to be. But understand she meant well. Her decision to let nature run its course was simply a result of seeing you suffering each and every day. It took a toll on us all. There were mornings we couldn’t even get out of bed, knowing our daughter was laying up in a hospital twenty minutes up the road, unable to take advantage of sunrises and sunsets. Your car accident destroyed us. We thought we’d loss our only child. That killed me every day.”
No matter how hard I tried to remember, that detail of my life was misty. I couldn’t remember anything that happened the night of my accident, where it happened, or how it had happened. Jae informed me that a drunk driver had hit me head on as I traveled northbound, on the way home from work after a parent-teacher conference. I remembered none of it, not even speaking with the parents of my students who I missed dearly.
“But you never gave up.”
“Because I couldn’t.”
“But she could.”
“She didn’t. She got tired.”
“And gave up on me.”
“It’s not that simple, baby girl.”
“For me, Dad, it’s very simple.”
