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“I understand, Aeir. Just try to… while you’re here, just try not to make this any harder on us than it’s already been. While you were in that coma, we were suffering. Each and every day, we questioned life. Now that we have you back, we can’t let anything get in the way of all of our healing.”
Instead of a verbal response, I nodded. The energy I’d reserved didn’t belong in places the continuation of the conversation would take it.
“Alright. I’m going to get dinner started in an hour or two. Will you be joining us?”
“Not tonight, Dad. Maybe tomorrow. I need some time alone.”
“Well, holler if you need me. I’m just in the other room.”
“Thanks.”
“Of course, baby. I’m so happy you're home.”
“Me, too.”
He rose from the chair and headed out of the door. I waited until it was closed completely before falling back onto the bed. My eyes landed on the ceiling, where thoughts of my immediate future swarmed me.
Even in the comfort of my old bedroom, in a home that was most familiar to me, I was conflicted. Everything felt out of place, including me. Imposture syndrome posed a threat to my sanity.
Vibrations interrupted my train of thought, reminding me of Jae’s generosity. The shiny new iPhone on the bed housed my attention. I pulled it closer to examine the number calling. Aside from my parents, she was the only person with the number.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hey, babe. How are things? How are you feeling?” she began questioning.
“I don’t know, Jae. Something just feels… off.”
“Everything feels off, I’m sure. That’s to be expected. Everything is new for you, even the old things.”
“No. It’s not that. I feel off. I can’t quite explain it but I don’t feel like myself.”
“Babe, this is normal. It’ll take a minute to get back to feeling like Aeir again. And, honestly, you’re a totally new person now. A new version of yourself. You might not ever feel like the old you. Just try to find peace in the woman you’re going to become in your healing journey.”
I couldn’t find the words to properly express myself, so I let the subject go.
“I don’t think I’ll be here very long.”
“What’s the matter?” She softened.
“I don’t know, Jae. Nothing. Everything. I’m just in this state of confusion right now. I feel clueless. I wish I still had my apartment to go to.”
“Awww. It’ll all be fine.”
“And being here with my mom. I—”
“If you feel like it’s too much, my door is always open. You can use my guestroom as long as you need to.”
“I don’t want to burden you with my presence. You have a life of your own.”
“That consists of work, work, and more work. You’d practically be living alone.”
Chuckling, I agreed.
“Maybe a month or two. That’s all I need to figure this thing out and I’ll be fine.”
“Even if it takes six months or a year, I don’t care. You’re welcomed and I mean it.”
“Thanks so much.”
