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His words were as ruthless as a punch to the gut. As soon as they’d left his mouth, my eyes stung with rage and hurt and confusion and turmoil. Milo’s right hand was near his neck as he shook his head from side to side, demanding Mercer stop and not continue.
My slouched posture straightened as I looked from Milo to Makai and then to Mercer. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that they all meant me no harm, but I’d be damned if their presence didn’t cause any. Almost everything that came from their mouths was damning for me.
“I think it’s time for you fellas to leave,” I gritted, frustrated with the condition of our relationship and the strain that one night had put on it.
Of course, it wasn’t Milo’s fault that my wife was murdered, but I’d be dishonest if I said I didn’t harbor slight resentment toward him for inviting me to celebrate with him and convincing my Anna to join his recruitment efforts. Had he honored my wishes and left me the fuck alone and home with my wife and child, where I wanted to be, then Anna would still be here. Putting it lightly, I was pissed at them both—still.
It was the simple fact that had it not been that night, there was a strong possibility it would’ve been another that ended her life that kept me grounded. It wasn’t Anna’s commands for my departure that killed her. It wasn’t Milo’s celebration that killed her. But, his birthday, for me, would never be the same. I’d never find joy in celebrating his life while simultaneously mourning my wife’s death. It wasn’t possible.
“Malachi,” Milo sighed.
“Bro,” Makai pled.
“Aussie, give your uncles some love and go get washed up so we can start dinner.”
“Awwwww. I wanna make a cake.”
“Maybe next year, love.”
“Okay.”
Delayed, not denied. She understood the concept well. It was one of the lessons I’d taught her and continued to instill every day of her existence. Giving her a future date was a sure way to quiet her little intrusive thoughts of rejection or fear of hearing me tell her no.
Aussie hugged Milo’s neck as tight as she could before holding onto the side of his face and staring down at him. Whatever she saw in his eyes made her gaze linger. It wasn’t until I noticed her tiny fingers swipe the wetness that stained his cheeks that I realized what was happening. I ached, mentally, physically, and emotionally.
I’d never experienced anything in life that gifted me with tears of my soul. I cried and it cried, too. The pain was so fucking heavy, it anchored me, making sure I never escaped it and remained stagnant; never progressing in life after.
“It’s okay. I love you. You hear me?” she asked, holding the sides of his face again. “I love you every day.”
She was her mother’s child. Her kindness was like sugar to the bitterness of the world. It was necessary sweetener for the lemons life just kept tossing our way.
“Okay?”
“Okay,” Milo replied.
“So, don’t be sad. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“And if you get sad and I’m not around, just think about me because I love you. Every day.”
“I love you, too, Aussie.”
Milo kissed her cheeks, one at a time, before letting her slide down his body until she reached the ground. Without another word, he turned swiftly and headed toward the door. His absence was felt instantly, leaving me in a few more pieces than I was upon his arrival.
“I love you, Uncle Kai. Okay?” Aussie needed to make sure they understood her unwavering love for them every time she got the chance.
“Okay. I love you back, Aussie. Every day.”
“Tell Uncle Milo Mommy says it’s okay,” she whispered, or tried to at least, halting movement from everyone in the room.
I could feel Mercer’s eyes penetrating the side of my face. Closing mine, briefly, I reopened them a few seconds after, when I felt Aussie’s body against my leg. Her attention rested with Mercer, who was squatting and now on her level.
“Hi.” She spoke as if they hadn’t just saw one another out in the yard. “I’m Aussie.”
“I’m Uncle Mercer,” he greeted with a smile, extending a hand for her to shake.
She accepted it, pulling him closer for a hug.
