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“What about Mr. Willie? And Lawe?”
“They’re not your friends, baby. Everyone I just named is actually family.”
“Family can be friends. I love them. Every day.”
“I know, baby. They love you, too. But, I think it’s time you met some children your age and get a chance to explore a little. You’ll enjoy time away from home.”
“I know. I just don’t wanna leave you alone.”
Her concerns for my loneliness were valid, but I’d figure it out. We’d never been away from each other for more than a weekend at her grandparents’s, so this would be new for us both. However, it was necessary. Social skills were a huge part of adaptability and growth. I needed my baby to check every box and not just the ones I could assist her with.
After the summer, we’d tackle the educational and fundamental areas, but for now, it was learning to socialize. It would build the confidence she already had and help her shine brighter than she was already. That was all I wanted. That was all she needed—for now.
“Daddy. You said you never tell a lie to me.” Aussie yawned, hardly able to keep her eyes open.
Dinner and the hour long bath she’d taken had tired her out. Those, along with the nighttime rub that Anna used religiously when she was a baby, were a powerful combination. She was ready for a good night’s rest. That was the goal and I’d succeeded.
“I’ve never lied to you, my love. I never will.”
“But you did.”
“When, Aussie?”
I didn’t understand where any of this was going, but I was slightly curious. Being a man of my word, it was a bit offensive to hear anyone tell me I’d lied to them, especially my daughter.
“You said Mommy would never come back.”
“Mommy isn’t coming back, sweetie. That wasn’t a lie.”
“She said she is.”
“Listen, Aussie, death is permanent. Once it occurs, life ends and the person who died never comes back again. I thought we discussed this?”
We had, a hundred times before. I was certain.
“Mommy is.”
“How do you figure?”
“Because she told me yesterday.”
Deciding against dismantling her belief system, I simply bowed out. Because she hardly had any concept of time, everything in the past was either yesterday or last week. She didn’t know if she meant yesterday, the day before, the day before that, or the day before that. Everything was all jumbled in her head when it came to timeframes. She could’ve been talking about any day, but because this was my first time hearing it, I was almost certain she truly meant yesterday.
“Okay, my love. I want you to do me a huge favor and tell Mommy to hurry up if she’s coming because Daddy’s heart still hurts.”
“Okay.”
Aussie’s dreams of her mother felt so real, she often confused them with reality. When it was all said and done, I had to keep reminding myself that she was only two, no matter how advanced she was. Because God hadn’t blessed me with the gift of seeing my wife during my slumbers, sleep didn’t come easy for me and I was left sending messages through our daughter. She was our connection.
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Daddy. I love you every day.”
“I love you.”
To the moon and back, I thought as I tucked the cover under her chin and kissed her forehead. The lamp beside her bed lit the room slightly once I flipped the switch to the main source of light.
My socks slapped against the wood flooring, not stopping until I was at the bar where I poured a healthy shot of bourbon. The beating commenced and didn’t rest until I was behind my desk, sitting in the chair that saw my ass more than the showerhead. I sipped from the glass in my hand while moving the mouse from one side to another. The screen of my computer glowed brightly, prompting me to enter my password to access my personal profile on the device. My fingers slid across the keyboard effortlessly.
