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“Um mm.” I cleared my throat after another sip, pulling up the web browser in the process.
I began minimizing the twelve applications I had opened at once in an attempt to declutter the desktop view. Simultaneously, I’d managed to make myself feel a bit better about the task at hand. I’d run out of excuses, six months’ worth that was no longer adding up. Just as the final application sat waiting on my screen, I quickly became lost in my head.
Visions of the same image I was staring at popping up on the smaller screen of my device two years ago, to date, rattled me. I squinted my eyes, searching every inch of the frame Anna had shared, trying to make out its contents, but the blurred motion was the only thing for certain on the screen.
Fuck.
Leaving the image on the screen to return later, I continued with the task at hand. The web browser I’d opened, I maximized on the computer screen so that it was my main focus. I quickly typed in the website that I’d been repeating in my head over and over for the last few months. The HomeEdu logo emerged in front of me, piquing my curiosity.
Another sip from my glass and I was scrolling the website, trying to see if they offered what my Aussie needed. It wasn’t long before I realized I’d come to the right place and decided to create an ad for the position I had in mind. I wasn’t sure if it was apprehension or anxiousness that stirred in my belly. Because I was never an anxious nigga, I chalked it up as apprehension. The job I was in search of fulfillment for was unlike any others listed on the website. It included around-the-clock care, teaching, and boarding.
By the time Aussie returned from spending time with her grandparents, summer would still be in full swing. Within two weeks, school would be starting for children all around the world. I needed Aussie to be part of the pact, even though she’d be schooled right in the suite across the property that was waiting for some tender love and care.
THREE
Rain peckedat the windows as I watched the sun’s light dim. The evening was upon us, casting gray hues across the sky. There was so much beauty that rested in the dreariness. Hadn’t sickness been a concern, I’d love every second of standing in the rain and allowing it to pour down on me, wash away my worries and fill my heart with some sort of joy.
I found myself lost in my own world, trying to reel it back in and remain present as my best friend continued to fill me in on her life over the last two years. I’d taken Jae up on her offer and made myself comfortable in her guest bedroom over the last two weeks while building my strength and gaining control of my mental and emotional health.
Being back at my parents’s home felt like twelve steps backward. Although I’d been in a coma for two years and had lost everything to my name, I didn’t want to wake up and be reminded every day. Sleeping in my old bed, looking at the awful colors I’d painted on the wall as a teen, and having my mother breathing down my neck made it impossible to escape those thoughts.
Since being at Jae’s, everything was beginning to align. Instead of thinking of the accident that led to my coma as an end to my world, I was beginning to see it as the beginning of a new one. In a strange, inexplicable way, I felt rested and I felt renewed. And each time I closed my eyes, I could feel my future right in my grasp.
“You’re definitely not listening.” Jae chuckled. “And I remember that look, Aeir. You’re about to drop a bomb on me. I can feel it.”
“Jaeeeee,” I dragged, gripping my legs and pulling them underneath me.
The movement of my limbs was something I once took for granted. Now, almost every time I altered my position or maneuvered in any way, I was reminded of the blessing that had been bestowed upon me. I wasn’t any holier than the next sinner, but I recognized God’s doing.
Doctors were baffled each time I showed up to an appointment, standing tall without even the slightest limp in my walk, slur with my words, or difficulties using my fine motor skills. During my resting period, my body had healed itself while others deteriorated over time. I’d never stop thanking God for His grace and mercy.
“Go ahead. Rip the band aid off and stop holding it in.”
I pushed her computer further away from me and scooted closer to where she sat. For what I was about to share with her, I needed her undivided attention, and most of all, her understanding. This wasn’t a decision that had been pulled from a hat full of life choices. It was one I’d been thinking about and considering since the first night I’d come home. It was one that my heart had made for me.
I grabbed both of her hands and brought them to my mouth, kissing each of them one at a time. She tilted her head, eyes never leaving mine, and sighed. Those pretty orbs melted my insides, making me feel warm and fuzzy without delay. Jae was my heart and had been since grade school. Her presence and prominence in my world over the last two years were no surprise to me.
“Just spit it out,” she encouraged.
“I’m leaving Channing.”
Releasing a heavy stream of air, she smiled and removed her hands from within mine.
“Girl.” She cackled. “That’s it? Babe, I thought you were about to tell me something insane.”
“Isn’t that insane?”
“No. No, it’s not. Not at all. Hell, I’ve thought about moving a few times, too, but I love my job way too much. I’m invested. You, on the other hand, you have a chance to start anew. I’ve been watching you closely for the last two weeks since you woke up and nothing is the same anymore. I heard you express it and I thought… oh, that’s normal. But, seriously… nothing is the same anymore, Aeir. I can feel it. There’s something so serene, so tranquil about you, I just can’t put my finger on. To be honest, friend, I love it.”
“I know it’s still so soon, but my heart is saying go. I don’t know where it’s leading me or why, but it’s telling me I belong somewhere else. Not here in Channing. It’s like this gravitational pull I can’t define, defy, or deny. I just need to go.”
“Where?” she asked, eyes big and bright and wondrous.
“Berkeley.”
“Berkeley,” she gasped. “Berkeley is good. Berkeley is really good.”
“Yeah?” I wondered aloud.
