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“I-I don’t know.” She shook her head from side to side.
“Exactly, because you’re not my fucking wife.”
“Physically, no. I’m not, but—”
“Mentally, spiritually, emotionally, none of that shit. Stop playing with me, Aeir, before you piss me clean the fuck off. I told you to leave me alone and I meant that!”
I pushed upward to stand, but she pulled me back down.
“I’ve loved meat my whole life, but I’ve hated the thought of it since I’ve awakened. I knew your name before you ever told me. I knew your wife’s name before you ever said it. I’d heard them both multiple times in my head. When you called out her name at the dinner table, it felt like you were calling me.
“In that moment, that name felt like mine. It was mine, even for a brief second. Deflecting helped me recover from the embarrassment of the moment, because, again… explaining something so complex felt like such a hard thing to do. But, then, I didn’t know what I know now.”
“Aeir, you don’t know shit. Stop making stuff up in that fucking head of yours, take your ass back down that road, and leave me the fuck out of your shit show, aight? Remember to leave my wife’s name out of your mouth on the way over there.”
My strength was renewed. I leaped up in one swift motion and dashed into the house. I needed Aeir gone like yesterday, but I couldn’t bring myself to push her away. Because, as much as I hated it, there was a tiny part of me that considered everything she’d just told me.
Inside of my home, I ended up at the bar, deciding against pouring the Hennessy into a cup and opting to drink it straight from the bottle as I headed into the front room. I blindly removed one of the twenty-six memory cards from the album Anna created for us over the years. It was as if she knew somehow, that her time on earth wouldn’t outlast mine and she wanted to make sure I remembered the times.
“It doesn’t. The flowers weren’t the issue, being forgotten was.”
“I know. I’m sorry. How can I make it up to you?”
“By never forgetting me. Ever.”
“I won’t. I promise. Anything else, my love?”
A portion of our last conversation stuck with me. She knew. She always knew. And I wondered if she was afraid. Had she seen it coming? Did she call out for me? Did she suffer? There were so many unanswered questions, questions I wanted to ask. Questions I needed to ask. Questions she’d never get to answer unless…Aeir.
Her face, one that resembled my wife’s so closely, appeared in my head. I closed my eyes to get rid of her. Fortunately, God was on my side for once. I pushed the memory card into the intended slot and connected the cable to the box it was plugged into. I hit the power button on the remote and back peddled until I was sitting in the rocking recliner with the bottle in my hand.
Anna’s pregnant belly came into view as she backed away from the camera. With extreme pressure, I brushed my top row of teeth against my bottom. My eyes pricked, feeling like thousands of tiny needles were taking turns poking me. A single blink and thick, salty liquid ran down my face.
“Sooooo, we’re only four weeks away from meeting our baby girl, and look how much I’ve grown. Aussie, if you’re older and playing this back, know that Mommy loves you more than life itself. You’re smart and you’re beautiful and you’re wonderful and you’re unstoppable. My love, you can do anything you set your mind to. Everything in life you do, even when you don’t want to, approach with excellence. Give everything your everything. I love you to the moon and back, Aussie.”
Leaning in, Anna whispered, “If you’re watching this, baby, I love you, too.”
She stepped back again, rubbing her big, round belly and smiling toward the camera. There were so many videos she’d created that I’d watched over the years, each of them being just like the one I was watching. It had never occurred to me she was fond of speaking as if our future didn’t include her. Even before Aussie was in her belly or part of our worlds, she spoke as if she’d no longer be with me the day I finally played the videos back. Now it made perfect sense.
She knew.
She’d always known.
The revelation ripped through my core. I’d always said that my wife was an angel on earth, but now I had evidence. I’d always said the world didn’t deserve her, but I’d never expected it to take her away. I’d vowed that I’d be by her side until death do us part, but I never thought it would. And I’d always said we’d find each other in the next lifetime, but I never knew she’d find me again in this one.
SEVEN
Sunlight danced on my skin,waking me from my slumber. A new day was upon me, but the turmoil of yesterday haunted me. The swelling of my eyes made it painful to blink or open them fully. The tears I’d cried last night were plentiful, leaving me with the consequences and an unpleasant reminder of everything that had occurred.
He must think I’m insane.
I dragged myself out of bed, stretching my limbs until they popped. The silky slip that I’d picked up while in the city felt like cool butter on my skin. Barefoot and groggy, I yawned as I made my way toward the bathroom. My bladder was threatening to expose my laziness. It had been needing to be emptied since the wee hours of the morning as I cried into the pillows underneath my head, but I lacked the energy to relieve it. My bladder could wait, I felt. It was my heart that needed the relief and the tears I cried was the purest form.
The cold tileswere lovely underneath me. They paired with the robe against my body to make me feel better altogether. I welcomed the progression as I sat on the toilet. I closed my eyes as relief washed over me.
“I can’t wait to meet you, my love.”
I rubbed my large, round belly as I stood in the mirror. Dressed in an olive skirt and cropped top that exposed almost all of my perfect skin and pregnant belly, I marveled at the evidence of the life I was growing inside of me. Tiny feet stretched inside my womb, causing my skin to protrude in some places more than others. My smile was accompanied by low giggles.
