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Taking a breath, I shake away my anger before conceding a little. “Okay. Hearing you say that you can’t make Christmas just triggered something inside me. I don’t want Baron to ever hurt like I did.”
A look of understanding crosses his face, and he smiles. “He never will. I love you both so much, princess, and soon, I will be proving that to you every day when I am back in New York.”
I smile despite myself, then make my way back to the kitchen. Bishop says his goodbyes to me and Baron with promises of calling again later. Ending the call, I drop down at the counter, my mind running with thoughts of everything that was said. I can feel my mama’s eyes on me.
“What is wrong, bambina?” I hear the concern in her voice.
My eyes move to hers. “Bishop isn’t coming for the holidays.”
She frowns. “Cazzo,” she curses. “Why not?”
I shrug. “Something to do with his father. He didn’t really tell me much apart from it’s to keep me and Baron safe.”
Her eyes soften. “Maybe you need to trust him, sweetheart. I know he hurt you in the past, but you need to forgive him if you want to move forward. I don’t believe he wouldn’t be here if he didn’t have a choice. Whatever he is going through, you need to talk to him and get some answers.”
I nod. I am going to do that.
I need to know the truth of what is going on.
At least then, I will have some understanding and know what I am dealing with.
* * *
Over the next couple of days, I focus on my son and getting my schoolwork up to date, ready to start back on campus after the holidays. I speak to Bishop every day, but I don’t ask him any questions because he seems preoccupied, and although he is always happy talking to Baron, he tends to come across as a bit short with me. So, I keep my mouth closed.
But today is different.
Why should I sacrifice my feelings because Bishop is going through some shit?
I need to know what is happening, and I intend on having that conversation with him when he calls later. He can speak to Baron, then I will put him to bed and have a talk with Bishop. He owes me an explanation.
Making myself busy, I take Baron to his baby group and then for a walk around the park with Edward. About an hour into our stroll, my cell rings, and I know who it is before I even take it out of my pocket. I almost decline the call but then think of my son. He likes his daily chats with his father. Swiping the answer button, Bishop’s tired face appears.
“Hey,” I say with a frown.
He plasters on a smile. “Hey, did I catch you at a bad time?”
I shake my head. “No, I was just taking Baron for a walk around the park. Let me find a bench, and you can talk to him.” I glance around and spot a bench around fifty meters away. Walking toward it, I position Baron’s stroller in front of the bench and take a seat. Turning the camera to face Baron, I look up at Edward, who hovers close by. “You can take a seat, Edward.” He smiles and drops down beside me as we listen to Bishop talk to our son.
“Is Mama taking you on a nice walk?” I grin at the baby voice Bishop puts on. “Daddy misses you so much. I will talk to you later, buddy. Can I see Mommy now?” I roll my eyes at the fact that he asks Baron. I spin the phone to me and notice the dark circles under Bishop’s eyes.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
He lets out a harsh breath. “Yeah, just got a lot going on.”
I grit my teeth. “I want to speak to you later. You can say goodnight to Baron, and then we will talk.”
His jaw tightens, but he nods. “Sure. I will call you later.”
“Okay,” I say before ending the call.
Leaning back against the hardwood, I sigh. There really wasn’t any point to that call, and now, I am even more confused about everything. I knew things would be hard between us when Bishop became a part of our lives again, but I thought he would at least try to make things a little easier. I can’t deny his commitment to Baron and being a good father. It’s just… I hate him being so far away. I want him present. Making memories with our son, with me.
Jesus. I need to put any thoughts of me, and Bishop aside and just focus on him being there for Baron. I hate to admit I still want him, but I do. The feelings I have for him were never going to go away, and I was stupid to think they would.
I squeeze my eyes shut.
When did things become so complicated?
