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Axel’s simple. We’re going to put the fear of God in him. As for Peter, I’ll have to see how he behaves around me. It’s a tricky situation.
It’s another reason I shouldn’t have told him anything, but I can’t keep this secret contained forever.
Okay. Let me know what you find out and the details for tomorrow, too.
I will,I reply.Speak soon.
I think about the days when I’ll be able to leaveI love youat the end of a message. It will be a statement of complete fact and feel like the most natural thing in the world.
* * *
“Where does it end?” Peter asks, running a hand over his hair and fiddling with his tight ponytail.
“Where does what end?” I ask as I pull out of the parking spot.
It’s the first thing he’s said to me since meeting outside my apartment. A nod, and then we went to the underground parking lot.
“You and Zoey,” he says. “I’ve never known you as a user. I’ve never known you to put desire over duty. There must be something else going on here.”
I swallow, remembering Zoey’s annoyance that I told Peter anything. My job is to ensure he doesn’t tell Mallory before we’re ready.
“The truth?” I say, driving from the underground lot and turning the car onto the street.
“Of course, the truth,” he says, sounding disgusted.
“You might think I’m insane.”
He laughs gruffly, a flicker of our old friendship. “Nothing new there, then.”
“It ends with Zoey and me getting married,” I say.
Peter gasps.“What?”
I’m glad I’m driving, giving me an excuse not to look at him. I can’t handle it if he looks at me as though I am ridiculous and as if my and Zoey’s budding relationship is absurd. If he knows the full scope, perhaps he’ll hold off.
“I know how it sounds,” I say, “but it’s the truth. I told you I knew I had to have her when I saw her recently. I knew she was the woman I’d been waiting for. These aren’t just empty words. I’m going to make an honest woman of her one day. We’re going to have children together.”
Peter says nothing. I push on, my voice getting fiercer.
“Remember the clarity before clearing a house, waiting for the charges to blow. Nothing but the mission.”
“I miss that sometimes,” Peter says quietly.
“So do I. SodidI, I should say, because I feel it now. For Zoey, for the life I’m going to share with her.”
“Does she know you feel this way?”
“No,” I grunt, “and she might not get a chance to if…”
At a red light, I glance at him. He’s staring at me, every feature tight.
“I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do,” he says, “but this changes things. You said you knew shebelongedto you, but marriage and kids… It’s a lot.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Right up here,” Peter says, gesturing at the road.
That’s a clear sign this conversation has ended. My temptation is to snap at him, to force him to say he’ll keep this secret to himself, but Peter’s his own man, and he’d never respond to bullying. Anyway, I hate bullies. I always have.
