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“When?”
Her stony expression is hard for me to witness, but I deserve it. I deserve every last bit of the bloodthirsty accusation in her eyes. “Five years ago.”
“When I was—when I was in the coma?”
I can feel my bottom lip trembling, but I bite down on my tongue and force myself to answer her. “Yes.”
She lunges forward so suddenly, I almost take a step back. Is she going to slap me? Push me? Hurl curses at my face? I’d deserve them all, so the least I can do now is stand still and take it.
She doesn’t so much as touch me. But she does snatch the snow globe from my hands. I give it to her, feeling my hands hang limply at my sides. I drop my head, but I hear her sharp hiss.
“Don’t you dare. Look at me.”
I bite down on my tongue again so hard I taste blood. I lift my eyes to hers. “I’m so,sosorry, Celine.”
“I don’t want apologies.” Her eyes glow with a kind of simmering fire I’ve never seen before. “I want fuckingexplanations.”
I nod mutely.
“All this time,” she breathes. The heat of her breath feels like it’s slapping me across the face. “All this fucking time. It wasyou.”
“It wasn’t an affair,” I say quickly. “I swear, Celine—"
“Then what was it?”
“It happened…before you.”
She scoffs. “Please.”
“I swear. Remember the night that I had that massive fight with Dad? Rightbefore you met Ilarion? I left the house for a run and when I came back, you and I talked for a bit? And I left that same night. That was the night I met him.”
Her scowl morphs. “You didn’t say a word to me about it.”
“Because it was a one-night stand, Celine!” I practically shout. I never knew how much pressure I’ve been carrying around until now. Now that it’s all deflating, I feel small and weak and sad. “And I didn’t know his name and I didn’t think I would ever see him again. But then I went to your engagement party and found out the guy you refused to introduce to me wasthe same guy.”
We both hear the accusation in my words. In my voice.
Have I really been blaming her this whole time?
She takes a few heavy breaths. “Why didn’t you tell me then? Why didn’t you just…just…stop me?”
My eyes feel like they’re about to bug out of my head. “What, after the way you reacted to Alec? And you seemed happy. You were so in love with Ilarion, you wouldn’t even leave his side once you knew what he was trying to do to Dad. What was I supposed to say? Or do?”
She sucks in a hurt inhale and turns away from me.
“Celine, please believe me. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“Is that why you decided to go on a romantic cabin getaway with my fiancé while I was on my deathbed?” she demands.
As she should. It’s a fair fucking question.
“Dr. Baranov, he…h-he told us that…” I trail off, realizing how horrible it sounds. “Oh, God, you’re right. I’m awful. It was an awful thing for me to do, and I regret it every single fucking day.”
“Do you love him?” she suddenly demands, looking me dead in the eye.
I can’t bring myself to say it. I can’t bring myself to lie, though. There’s been too much of that already.
“It doesn’t matter.”
