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His lack of emotional response at all, per usual, is grating against me. “She tried. To slit. Her wrists. My sister tried to fucking kill herself, Ilarion! That deserves more than an ‘Ah.’”
He frowns. “I told you about it. It’s not as though you were unprepared.”
“I just assumed she swallowed a bunch of pills,” I admit.
“What’s the difference?”
“The difference?” I gasp, shoving myself more upright. “The difference is that she took something sharp and she literally tried to slice open her flesh. That kind of thing is desperate. That’s rock bottom.”
“Whereas pills are a nice, mellow option? Death is death, Taylor, no matter how we choose to meet it.”
I cringe. He’s making sense, but sense is the last damn thing I want right now. “It’s not as violent.”
“No, it’s not,” he agrees. “But you’re acting as though this happened yesterday,tigrionok. This was years ago. It’s faded from everyone’s minds. Including hers.”
I shake my head. “Why?” I rasp. “Why did she do it?”
“Did you ask her?” When I nod, he nods right back. “That’s what I thought. And if she didn’t tell you, I’m not about to do it for her.”
“Ilarion—”
“You’ve asked me to keep secrets from her,” he reminds me. “What makes you think she hasn’t extracted the same promise from me?”
That stops me in my tracks. Like a trickle of cold water running down my back. A stark stab of realization. “She’s so…different.”
“Yes, she is. That’s not a bad thing.”
“Yes, it is,” I retort. “She used to be so much more open, and carefree and… and…justherself. She used to wear her heart on her sleeve. Now, it’s as though everything she says and does is rehearsed. She’s like a marionette, and I don’t have any fucking idea who’s pulling the strings.”
“Maybe that’s just for your benefit.”
I flinch. “You were supposed to keep her safe.”
“And I did.” He all but rolls his eyes. “She’s alive today because I stopped two assassins from putting a bullet in her head. She’s alive today because I found her in that bathtub before too much blood ran out of her veins. There was a lot you missed when you ran, Taylor. I’m not about to sit here and fill in the blanks for you just to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside about your choices. I doubt Celine is, either. We moved on.”
I can’t figure out the way they talk about each other. It doesn’t sound like love, but maybe this is how two sharks love each other. It doesn’t sound like marriage, but maybe this is how apakhanand his wife are married.
“She wants a baby,” I blurt out before I can really think about what I’m saying.
The only sign of his surprise is a slight arch of one brow. “She told you that?”
I nod. “She also told me that you’re…trying.”
I stumble over the last word, like an idiot, betraying all the shame and jealousy roiling in my chest. Ilarion’s eyes bore into mine. He sees it all, I’m sure. He always does.
I shake my head and clench my jaw until the desire to cry passes. “It’s none of my business, but—”
“You’re right,” he snarls. “It isn’t.”
I grit my teeth, defensiveness rising to my throat like bile. “Why did you bring me back here, Ilarion?” I finally ask. “There’s no place for me here. You have everything. You have a beautiful home, a beautiful wife…and soon, you’ll have a beautiful family. Why couldn’t you just leave Adam to me?”
“Because he’s not just yours. And I’m not the kind of man who’s okay with replacing one child with another.”
“You brought us here hoping the truth would come out. Didn’t you?”
He shrugs, neither confirming nor denying. “In my experience, the truth always comes out. Benedict Bellasio is a prime example. He may have been able to hide for all these years. But he can’t hide forever.”
I force myself up to my feet. Ilarion follows suit. “I don’t give a flying fuck about Benedict Bellasio. The only thing I care about is my sister, and she’s clearly not in the right frame of mind to be able to handle the truth.”
