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She flinches. “I—”
“Go ahead,” I growl. “Deny it. Lie to me and deny it.” I lean in closer. “You do it pretty well already.”
She sucks in a sharp breath, then glances up at me through her long lashes. All I want to do is pull her to me, kiss her until she surrenders. Kiss her until she fucking breaks.
“Ilarion—”
“Say it.”
She flinches. “I love you,” she concedes softly. “Or at least… I want to. But I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. You came before her. You were the first. You were…theonly.It was always you, Taylor. Only ever you.”
She shakes her head. “I was just a random accident. She’s the woman you proposed to.”
“Stop stealing my choice.”
Taylor pauses. Then blinks at me. “What?”
I flex my fingers against my palms, letting the sting of my nails biting my skin remind me I can’t touch her the way I’m craving. “You keep acting like you’re allowed to deny me my choice. Like I’m not allowed to make my own fucking decisions.”
I’m not a man who spills his secrets or his heart and soul out like some lovesick sap. But Iama man who might not make it through the night. I’ve planned and schemed and I’m confident in the path I’ve chosen.
But there’s always that very slim chance that death is waiting—and if I’ve learned anything from this shitshow, it’s that it’s foolish to gamble with fate.
Better be honest while I still can.
“Have you even considered, for one goddamned second, how things would be different if you’d just told me your name?”
Her eyes widen.
I nod. “Exactly. You chose for me then. You took away my options. You stole my ability to make an informed decision when it came to Celine.”
“That doesn’t make a diff—”
“The hell it doesn’t!” I keep my voice low for the sake of Celine downstairs, but it’s still just as harsh as a yell. “What? You think I would’ve even glanced at her sideways if I knew who her sister was? You’re going to look me in the eye and tell me you honestly believe that had I known Taylor Theron was the same woman who stole my fucking heart from the backseat of my car, I would just call it a ‘whoops’ and marry some total stranger I can’t even bear to be near?”
I’m very aware I sound insane. I’m very aware the floodgates are wide open and I’m pouring out more than I have in a lifetime of buried emotions.
Butmy-fucking-god, this beautiful woman drives me up the fucking wall.
And if the floodgates are open, it’s because she’s been chiseling at them for weeks with her stubbornness.
One day, when I’m no longer questioning my sanity, I’m going to bask in pride for our child. I couldn’t ask for a better heir or a better mother to raise him. Or her.
If that kid is half as iron-willed as either of us, she’ll be a force to reckon with.
Taylor hiccups on a sob she refuses to let out. “I do love you, Ilarion. But it’s too late. I fucked up. And now, I’m not allowed to love you. One day, I’ll forget enough that I… I won’t care anymore.”
It’s like she’s plunged an icy knife right into my heart. And instead of simply telling her how I feel, instead of saying the three easiest words in the English language that my tongue just won’t work out, my expression darkens.
It’s far easier to pretend like I’m not dying inside.
“Unfortunately, for you, that’s not going to matter.”
She frowns. “What do you mean?”
“As of tomorrow, Benedict Bellasio will no longer be a threat to us. You and your father will be safe here until then. At that time, Archie will be free to move back into his own home.” I draw in a ragged breath before I finish, “But you will remain here.”
