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“Ilarion—”
I silence her with a glare. “When Celine has recovered, I will tell her about us, and about the baby.”
“It will break her.”
I bark out a laugh. It’s harsh and it’s cruel and it’s full of the truth she needs to hear. “You just know so much about everyone, don’t you? She’s not as fragile as you believe her to be. She’s not as fragile as youwanther to be.”
That one lands like a sucker punch to her soul.Good.I’m not loving the way my words make her cower in on herself, but I’m definitely not loving the fact that I even have to say them.
I may be pissed right now, but I’m not an asshole. Well… not always.
“I will make sure she’s comfortable and provided for. I’m not just kicking her to the road.”
“She won’t want your money.”
“I’ll give it to her anyway.”
Taylor sniffles and folds her arms over her chest. “We can’t.Ican’t, Ilarion. I’m sorry.”
“Even though we love each other?” I demand. At least, I meant it as a demand, but all it sounds like is a desperate plea.
She blinks back her tears and smiles sadly at me. “It figures that you would only be able to admit you love me now that you can’t.”
Stop telling me what I can and cannot do.“We can raise our child together, Taylor. Wewillraise our child together.”
I can see it on her face: she wants that. She wants it more than anything. But she’s scared and stubborn, and the chaotic storm of her life is roaring too loud for anything to make sense.
“Ilarion, please. Listen to me. You can tell Celine the truth. You can keep me here under your roof…but I can’t be with you.”
I lean in, a fraction of an inch away from pressing a kiss onto her stubborn mouth. I let my lips linger, feeling the warmth coming off her body, tasting the phantom kiss on her breath.
“We’ll see,” I say at last.
Then, as painful as it is, I walk away.
78
TAYLOR
When Ilarion is gone, I drop into the window seat. My fingers claw into the thick fabric of the cushion, trying and failing to tether me to reality. I can’t quite breathe right, and no matter how hard I try, it’s becoming increasingly obvious that I won’t ever be able to breathe here.
Not in this house. Not with my sister’s shadow hovering over me.
I force myself to straighten up. Ilarion says he’s the one with no choices, but I don’t have many, either. All I can do is face the situation head-on. To stop hiding from the truth.
And the truth is, I’m having his baby.
The truth is, I love him.
The truth is, if I stay here, I’m going to cave. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day.
Because I know in my heart that I will never love another man the way I love Ilarion Zakharov.
I pull out the note my father slipped into my pocket. I’ve memorized the words already, but I read them again anyway. Then I glance up at the time.
Forty-six minutes to midnight.
Through the window behind me, I see Zakharov men amassing. Clusters of shadows joining clusters of shadows. When I squint, I find Dima in the middle of one patch of darkness. A moment later, Mila joins him. They bark orders, pointing and gesturing, then the trickle of the exodus begins.
