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I move quickly to her side with a little smile, delighted at the hand that goes to my waist. I love when she touches me in public, even though those moments are few and far between. It's like she's claiming me as hers and it makes me feel so lovely inside.
We go to our usual lunch in Port, and I swear, I don't know what we talk about or what we eat. I'm distracted, noticing her long fingers and the way she licks her thumb as she takes a bite of avaashi. I'm too busy thinking about tonight, and how she's going to be staying with me. How we're going to be in bed together for the first time. Should I get plas-film? Haina has never seemed offended by my hygiene in the past, and we kiss regularly, but I don't want her to feel uncomfortable. If she needs plas-film—the slippery, ultra-thin film that clings to skin and acts as birth control and skin protection depending on your needs—then I want to have some for her. I should have thought of that earlier.
"You listening?" Haina asks, brushing my finger with hers.
"Do you need plas-film?"
"For…lunch?" She tilts her heads, her regal horns glinting. "No?"
My face feels like it's on fire. "For…you know. Tonight."
"Oh. No. I can't make you pregnant. And if I thought your hygiene was questionable, I'd have never kissed you." She grins at me, taking my hand in hers and lifting my fingertips to her mouth. She nips at the tip of one, sending a shockwave of heat through my body. "Are you stressing about tonight?"
Stressing? Stressing is one of the things I do best. "Of course. It needs to be perfect."
Haina chuckles. "It doesn't need to be perfect. It just needs to be…us." She kisses my fingertip again and her tongue brushes against my skin this time. "We don't have to do anything if you're uncomfortable, Ali."
"I'm not uncomfortable." I'm also not going to tell her I've been obsessing over this day for a week now, ever since she casually suggested it. "I'm…excited."
She bites her lip, showing a hint of fang, and I wonder if she's just as obsessed as I am. When she kisses my fingertips again, I whisper, "Want to go home now?"
Her eyes gleam. "I thought you'd never ask."
We all but rush out of the cantina back to my sled. Sometimes I walk when the weather's nice, but today it's blustery, the wind biting. My carefully smoothed hair is a mess, but Haina's gaze is bright as we close the doors on my sled and she turns toward me.
I can't resist any longer. I stare at her, practically quivering with longing. "Can I kiss you now? Or do you want to wait until we get to my farm?"
"Of course, you can kiss me. I'm your—what do you call it? Female friend?"
"Girlfriend." I slide over on my seat. I've been trying to teach Haina the term because there's not one for “exclusive partner but not mated.” In their culture, you're either mated or you're not. And while I would be thrilled to call Haina mine permanently, I'm probably moving way too fast for her. "That's like we belong to each other in a temporary sort of way. Testing the waters, so to speak."
"Girlfriend," she repeats, cupping the back of my head as I lean in. "I'll never remember that because you're not a girl in my eyes. You're a full-grown female. Can't I just call you 'mine'?"
"I would love it if you did," I confess, and then close the distance between us, kissing her. I'm addicted to kissing Haina. It always starts slow and soft, as if we're feeling each other out. Her lips are like pillows, and I nip at one before teasing my tongue into her mouth. Hers has ridges, which I find thrilling, and she finds my smooth one equally exotic. Burying my hands in her thick hair, I kiss her deeper, until it feels as if we're one, with no separation between one body and the next. Her mouth tastes sweet, her tongue as hungry as mine, and when we pull apart, we're both panting.
I kiss her again, just because I could kiss her for hours. "I wanted to do that before we got to the farm. Every time you're gone, I miss you so much. I can't think about anything but seeing you again. Touching you again."
"I feel the same." Haina rubs the back of my neck. "But I don't mind waiting if you feel like I'm rushing you."
"You're not rushing me—not at all. I want this more than anything." Sometimes I feel like I want it even more than her and that scares me a little bit. I know my affection is a little intense, and I worry that I'm going to scare her off.
"Then let's go back to your place."
I'm nervous for the rest of the short trip back to my farm. It's the first time Haina's going to visit, and I imagine it looks rustic and pathetic to someone that pilots a spaceship and spends her days traveling through the stars. My little farmhouse is simple, with a few windows and a main domed living area with an attached secondary dome for private quarters. Some women love gardening and have flower beds in front of their houses, but mine is bare and lackluster. It's as uninteresting as, well, me.
"Do you like farming?" is all that Haina asks as I set the sled down.
"I'm not sure. No one's ever asked me if I like it or not." I gaze around at my house, noticing the shabby cushions on my secondhand couch and the lack of furnishings I have. I'm not much of a homemaker. Never had a reason to think of this place as a “home.” To me, home is where family is, and it's just me here. "I guess I don't mind it. I get to breathe fresh air every day and I'm in charge of myself. You can't ask for more than that." I turn to her. "Do you like deliveries?"
She seems startled by my question. "No one's ever asked me that, either." Haina smiles, considering. "I suppose it's a job. It gives me enough credits to be comfortable and I get to see new places and meet people. It could be a lot worse."
"What would you do if you could do anything you wanted?" I ask, eager to learn more about her. "Anything at all?"
Haina takes a step inside my house, shaking her head. "Didn't really consider it much."
"No? How come?"
She runs her hand along the counter in my small kitchen. "I grew up an orphan in the station slums. To me, success was not turning into a criminal or ending up addicted to something. Success was being able to support myself and breathe in clean air every once in a while." She steps toward the small window overlooking my land. "Didn't dream bigger than that. So I guess I'm happy with my job. But if you're asking what I'd do if I found myself suddenly flush with credits and never having to work again?" She smiles out at the sight of my garden. "I like vegetables. Maybe I'd try growing some."
