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I quickly pulled out a credit card and handed it to him. I was going to tip the vampire well. He was an odd one, but a nice guy. I hoped he didn’t lose his junk to Triple D in the near future.
“Youse put dat back,” Dracula said, holding up a pale but beefy hand. “Your money ain’t no good here. Youse gave me and my cock some real good pointers. Dat’s all de payment I need.”
I smiled at the man. “Will you be able to take me home when I’m done?”
“Youse bet,” he replied, handing me a business card. “Just call me and I’ll be there.”
I nodded and straightened my caftan. Quickly reaching into my man-purse, I pulled out a lovely blood-red caftan. I always kept a few extras in my bag for emergencies. “Thank you, Dracula. May I be so bold as to offer you a caftan to give to your… umm… broad when you beg forgiveness?”
“Youse would do dat for me? Youse are givin’ me an original Johnson Jones caftan to keep my love-rod safe?” he asked, looking suspiciously like he was about to cry.
“Absolutely!” I said, tossing it over the seat and opening the door of the car. I’d come too far to get covered in blood at the last moment. “I’ll call you when I’m done!”
“Have fun, Johnson Jones,” he yelled as bloody tears covered his face and the dashboard. I dove out of the car and waved.
Looking up at the building that housed Abra Cadabra Matchmaking Services, I gasped. It was the most darling brownstone on the Upper East Side that I’d ever seen. I giggled. It was the very one I’d imagined in my dreams and had written about in my Dear Diary. It would be hilarious if it had a doorman named Jeeves…
Chapter Five
“Welcome, Johnson Jones,” a well-dressed doorman said as I entered the brownstone.
I pegged him as a werewolf immediately. While he wasn’t furry and fangy, I knew how to spot different species. It was one of my wizard gifts. He appeared to be in his sixties, which meant he was over five hundred. All Immortals aged very slowly.
He was dressed in an Armani tux and a jaunty silk top hat. It was rather delightful. He also had a name tag on his lapel. It said: Jeeves.
My knees began to buckle and I considered turning around and sprinting from the building. Dracula couldn’t have made it very far down the street with all the traffic. I could jump back into the car and go with him to beg the forgiveness of Triple D. While Dracula Smith was a good man, he could definitely use a referee and backup so he didn’t end up becoming a soprano.
Jeeves, clearly sensing my impending nervous breakdown, led me to a comfortable buttery-soft leather chair and handed me a bottle of water. I could have used a wine cooler, but figured that wouldn’t look good. It was only eleven in the morning.
How was this happening? Had someone read my diary and punked me? Dwayne and Zorro would never betray me like this. Plus, my diary was magically spelled—no one could read it or write in it but me. If Prince Charming rode up on a white steed, I’d completely lose my shit.
Jeeves’s expression of concern was very kind. “Are you alright, Mr. Jones?”
“I’m fine,” I said quickly, downing the bottle of water. “And please, call me Johnson.”
“Call me Jeeves,” he said warmly, patting my shoulder. “Can I get you another water or a cup of coffee?”
I shook my head. “Actually, I think I should leave. Just remembered I have a dentist appointment.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and wanted to punch myself in the head. Helen had said to be honest. Starting off with a whopper of a lie to a nice man in a top hat named Jeeves was a shitty way to begin.
“No,” I corrected myself. “I don’t have a dentist appointment. I’m just… not sure this is for me.”
Jeeves sat down next to me. “It’s always frightening doing something unfamiliar and new,” he said. “I’ve recently taken up skydiving to get over my fear of heights.”
My mouth fell open. Jeeves was a badass in formalwear.
“Are you serious?” I asked, truly shocked and wildly impressed.
“Oh, yes!” he replied. “It’s very freeing to let go of one’s fears and march forward.”
The lovely man’s words seemed as prophetic as Dracula’s. Dracula was going to risk his manhood to win back his true love. Jeeves, who was clearly a little nuts in the very best way, had taken on his fear and beat it. Zorro met the love of his life with the help of Voila the Immortal Match Guy. If Voila could aid me in gaining some confidence in the dating department, I could build up my self-esteem and give Kurt a call. It would be momentous for me to get out of my comfort zone and give love a shot.
Of course, I wasn’t sure if Kurt would take my call after I’d ghosted him, but I’d never know unless I tried. But if I was going to make it work with the one who got away, I would need to build some confidence first. That could happen.
“So, Voila is good at his job?” I asked.
“The very best!” Jeeves assured me. “He’s running slightly behind this morning, but Cha-Cha will help you fill out the paperwork. And I must say, your caftan is wonderful.”
