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“Correct,” I said, sniffling. “What are the odds of that?”
Zorro started to cry. “I am SO SORRY,” he bellowed. “I had no idea. I would have never suggested him if I’d known.”
“It’s better this way,” I told my sobbing bestie. “I needed closure to move on. Seeing the picture with him and his lover was a good thing. I mean, it sucked, but it was the punch in the gut I needed.”
“Debatable,” Dwayne muttered, still clearly ready to fly up and decapitate Voila the Immortal Match Guy. “Darling, do you mind if we review a few things? It was a little difficult to follow. Did you actually say your Uber driver was an appendage-impaired vampire named Dracula Smith?”
“Yes,” I said. “He’s a decent guy—a little rough around the edges, but I like him.”
“Got it,” Dwayne said with a nod. “Wasn’t sure I’d heard that correctly.”
“You did,” I assured him.
Zorro was doing his best to pull himself together. “I must say I’m flabbergasted that Voila fits the bill so beautifully but turned out to be a two-timing dog. I mean aside from the white steed, he seemed perfect. My God, he has a doorman named Jeeves and an adorable brownstone on the Upper East Side for the love of everything that should have been.”
I dabbed at my eyes with my caftan. It didn’t matter. I’d already basically blown my nose into it. “Karma really is a bitch.”
Dwayne threw his hands in the air. “No, Karma’s more like a hooker who wears Crocs and thick black ankle socks.”
“And sports a pocket protector,” Zorro added. “And wears white after Labor Day.”
“And pantyhose,” Dwayne shouted.
“No! Knee highs,” I said with a giggle. “And granny panties with yoga pants.”
“And has inch-long gray roots,” Zorro chimed in with a grin. “And so much Botox she can’t move her hooker face!”
“No,” Dwayne said with a bellow of laughter. “She got a discount facelift and she looks permanently shocked!”
“And favors ill-fitting pants,” I said, starting to feel better.
“Wrinkled with food stains,” Dwayne said with his nose scrunched in disgust.
“And low-ride pants that show her plumber’s crack when she bends over,” Zorro choked out on a roar of laughter.
I shook my head and smiled. “Karma is a hot mess.”
“Well, I’m not worried about that old hooker,” Dwayne said, still concerned. “I’m worried about you, Johnson. I can transport to Zorro’s house then transport both of us to you in five minutes. We could ding-dong ditch all night if that would cheer you up.”
“Absolutely!” Zorro agreed.
“It’s tempting,” I said, loving my friends so much. “But no. Just talking it out made me feel tremendously better.”
“What will you do about tomorrow?” Dwayne asked.
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
We sat in silence for a minute and stared at each other.
Zorro raised his hand. It made me giggle. The man was politer than me. “May I make a suggestion?”
“By all means,” I told him.
“Call me crazy,” he began.
“CRAZY!” Dwayne yelled.
“Thank you,” Zorro said with a chuckle then continued. “I say you go tomorrow. Choose one of the men to go on a date with. Show Kurt that you harbor no ill will and are completely over him. You win if you’re the bigger person, plus maybe you’ll have fun on the date. Who knows?”
