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Lennon
Xav is a sadistic asshole.My body is a mixture of soreness, cuts, and bruises. This last week has been a source of great enjoyment for him. Sometimes he has Colly join him, and I think it’s to keep him on his own leash. The orderlies, doctors, and nurses seem to follow their own rules, too.
I haven’t seen many patients while I’ve been here. It’s easy to close my eyes and imagine this is all a terrible nightmare, except I shouldn’t feel pain in my dreams, right?
When Xav is done poking, prodding, and he even tried drowning me at one point… he sends Nurse Ratched in to fix me up. I have conveniently refused to learn her name, because her hands always roam indiscreetly. She’s the same nurse that helped Collymore hold me down for “intake” when I woke up. My memories are still so fuzzy from the night I did my last concert with the guys. I wish things would clear, because I feel like I’m missing something important.
Xav isn’t even the worst part, pain I can handle. The worst part is not knowing what’s real or a fabricated lie. Xav is being given complete reign over my medical care, which is terrifying. When Nurse Ratched comes in to pick me up off the table or in today’s case, the floor, she plugs my nose, forces pills into my mouth, and forces me to swallow them.
I will never be a perfect patient. I know when to fold and when to fight, but I choose to fight right now. Gasping and gagging as I am forced to swallow the pills, she smiles down at me, smoothing my tangled hair.
“Such a good girl,” she coos at me. “This doesn’t have to be so hard. We could have a lot of fun… just you and me, and maybe Colly. He’s got a hard on to fuck you, and the only thing keeping his dick from ravaging every one of your holes is your value. You’re interesting to Xav, which means you’re incredibly valuable.”
My muscles relax, eyes beginning to droop.What did she give me?I never have time to ask when she medicates me, my mind drifting. I can’t fight back as she cleans up my cuts, washes my body—yesterday it was another round of being used as a cum rag by Colly—and dresses me. My arms lift as she directs them, but I don’t have the ability to move them for myself.
“Uhh,” I complain, my tongue feeling thick in my mouth.
Nurse Ratched chuckles. “You’re not going to be able to say shit for a while, so don’t bother for now. It keeps the screaming down at night, and helps the night shift. As long as our mad scientist is enjoying using you as a plaything, this is your future. Don’t think this means your stay here will be easy though,” she continues, tightening the ties of my jacket, which keeps my arms firmly in place. “It won’t be. But it’ll be entertaining for us, and in this shithole, that’s a plus.”
Snorting, I mildly think everyone in this place sounds like evil villains, and I wonder what I did in a past life to deserve this. Nurse Ratched pats my arm before picking up her radio, using it to call an orderly. My legs are equally heavy, and I won’t be able to walk right now.
“Is there anyone on the floor near Room B to help with a drop and ditch?” she asks.
Charming.An orderly comes in to help, staring at me for a moment. I’m in sleep shorts and a tank top under the straightjacket, which is entirely inappropriate for how cold these rooms are kept. Shivering, my teeth chatter and he grins at me.
Sweeping me into his arms, the orderly walks me to my room. I’m being kept in a padded cell, isolated from everyone else, the only plus right now of this is no one bothers me much here. Well, no one real.
Wildly, my eyes move around the room, not seeing anyone but us inside. My breath gets shallow and rapid as he drops me on the ground, my teeth clicking when I hit the floor. Everything in this room is padded, and there’s not even a bed. I wonder if the medication may be hitting me harder too because I’m fed one meal a day, and I usually puke it all up under Xav’s tender care.
I wonder if this is another part of his “treatment plan”. The door closes with a soft sound and I shiver. I lean against the wall, looking across the room to where there’s blankets.Bag of dicks.
Grunting in frustration, I stare across the room. I could try to get up to where the blankets are, but even then I won’t be able to drape them over me.Bollocks.
I hum, idly wondering where I even know this word. I blink sleepily, considering if it’s worth it to fall asleep. Will I wake up and see my mom? Will I have the misfortune to have death metal being played over my speakers again?
Staring up, I see the speakers in each corner of the room.Who the fuck thought this would be a good idea? Was this hospital always employed by sadists?
I struggle to keep my mind awake, even if my eyes feel heavy. I think about fields that spread for miles for some reason, and the fear that comes from nowhere to hide. I tell myself my thoughts don’t need to make sense, so long as it keeps me awake.
Small towns that seem idyllic, but it’s all lies.
Toxicity, fear and bias, hold the truth.
A young girl is chosen for their fun. Just a plaything to pass the time.
But all along she’s dying inside.
There’s nowhere to run, and no place to hide.
Flashes of a memory rise in my mind, and I hold tight to it, knowing it may not be pleasant.
I run away from school, my shirt left in ruins. It’s early November in Kentucky, and it’s frigid. I made the mistake of getting pulled into a conversation with a new cheerleader at school. She seemed nice, and I didn’t think she’d had time to be dragged into the bullshit of Derek’s bet. The football players liked to pull the cheerleaders in to help them win the ‘pool’ of money for fucking me.
It was always so ridiculous to me, because I was the virgin whore of the school. Untouched, but the gossip always said differently.
Tracy, was her name. She was bubbly, happy, and seemed nice. I stayed later than I intended after the football game, but every time I tried to leave, she’d ask me another question.Stupid, gullible, Lenny.
By the time I finally broke away, three football players pulled me into their circle as they walked out.
