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I’m also fairly certain I’ll end up back in the straightjacket, despite what Xav said earlier. Dressing quickly, I keep my eyes down as I see Eric and Colly swagger out of the bathroom now that they’ve gotten their rocks off.
“I’ll be seeing you later, little Lennon,” Colly croons and I stiffen, holding in the shudder threatening to take over.
The peace I felt from cutting is already beginning to ebb away and I frown. Breathing deeply, squeezing my socks in my fist, I curl bare toes into the cold tile. I allow it to seep into my skin, through my muscles, and pull it deeply to my heart. I am going to do my best to hold this to me as long as possible.
Shivering slightly with the struggle to find a small slice of normalcy, I put my socks on quickly. Thankfully, the tile isn’t wet where I’m standing, so I stay dry.
“Lennon,” Nurse Ratched snaps and I look up at her. “This is Nurse Imelda. She’s going to take you to breakfast. Did you wash properly?”
I swear, anything to demean a girl. “Yes, I did,” I murmur softly.
She huffs, rolling her eyes. “Who brought you these clothes?” she snaps.
Nurse Imelda turns towards her, brows furrowing. “I did, Nurse Elaine. It’s freezing on this floor, and the dining room is also cold. What would you rather she be in?”
I watch the power struggle, hiding my interest. Maybe everyone who works here isn’t batshit crazy. Nurse Imelda has a slight Spanish accent, and gorgeous tanned skin. I can’t place her ethnicity exactly, but she’s absolutely beautiful. Facing me, her smile is kind, and I can’t help staring.
No one is kind to me here. She looks at me strangely, and I smooth over my expression. If she’s not part of this insanity of an institution, or doesn’t understand how depraved my caregivers are, I want to protect her from the knowledge. I’m also glad she didn’t see my body littered in cuts and bruises, as I don’t want to answer questions that will lead to trouble for her.
I’ll get myself out somehow, I don’t need to pull an innocent into this. Imelda holds her hand out to me. “Let’s get you some food. Your chart doesn’t state you’re dangerous, so the jacket will stay behind, okay?” Imelda says with a smile.
Nodding, I take her hand and follow her out. I will take the break in torture for today, though I don’t expect it to last from the glare Nurse Ratched gives me.
Nothing lasts forever, so I’ll enjoy the food for now, even if I’ll probably end up puking it up later today. Xav’s techniques tend to have that effect.
* * *
Padding through the hall,I watch in surprise as the ambiance changes. Instead of all of the walls and floors being white, they are a heather blue when we cross through doors that are passcode and iris recognition protected. It almost appears welcoming, which isn’t something I would imagine someone calling this place. If Nurse Imelda has questions about why I’m in a locked ward like the one we leave behind us, she doesn’t ask.
There is a pretty dayroom with large windows on our right, and I stare in shock. The nurse tugs at my hand, and then sees where my eyes are drawn. I haven’t seen sunlight in days, and my eyes tear at the sight. Nothing else has broken me but this… fuck me.
Shuddering, I sniffle as I watch the fluffy white clouds and bright blue skies. It’s almost as if these shouldn’t be allowed to exist while my life is being pulled apart piece by piece.
“Miss Lennon, are you alright?” Nurse Imelda asks softly.
“No,” I whisper, sick of the bullshit for a small moment. Pulling myself away from the sight of puffy white clouds and gorgeous hills, I blink away my tears. “I heard you say something about food? It’s been ages since I’ve eaten.”
Nurse Imelda stares at me and I realize my mistake. Patients are probably on some kind of schedule for food. “Time moves differently for me,” I tell her quickly. “I’m sure it just feels like forever.”
I haven’t had a full meal in days, probably since the day I got here. I won’t make the mistake of telling her this though. Her reactions to me say a lot, like she probably doesn’t cross the boundary from this normal, window filled ward into my nightmare very often.
My feet follow hers of their own accord, my eyes bouncing around as I take everything in. If I was a normal patient, this place wouldn’t be so bad. However, I’m Xav’s gift, or perhaps payment of some kind. I don’t understand enough about what’s going on to know.
The dining room is light, airy, and has a variety of different kinds of patients. Some are being assisted to eat, others have a faraway look in their eyes. I guess this is what a normal day looks like on this ward, because Nurse Imelda simply sits me at a table next to a woman and heads to the kitchen window to get me a tray.
Looking around, my eyes fall on the woman beside me. She looks so familiar… A tray is set in front of me, and my eyes move towards it. Grilled chicken cut in bite size pieces, veggies, and rice pleasantly surprise me.
“Oh wow,” I whisper.
“You’re not a vegetarian or anything are you?” Nurse Imelda asks. “Oh dear, it wasn’t in your file…” I shake my head as she moves to take it.
I want to grab her hand, but I don’t. Instead gasping out quickly, “This is wonderful, promise. Thank you so much.”
Nurse Imelda moves back, the look of worry is in her eyes again. Wanting to remove it, I pick up my fork and quickly take a bite to show there’s nothing wrong with me. Well… nothing other than why everyone else is here. Continuing to frown, she steps away.
“You’re not very convincing,” an achingly familiar voice says.
Forcing myself to turn slowly, I see long curly brown hair, dark eyes surrounded by gorgeous eyelashes, and pouty lips I would know anywhere. Opening my mouth, she shakes her head. “Don’t say my name,” Mrs. Williams admonishes. “Eat your food, because you stared at it as if you haven’t eaten in ages.”
