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Turner kisses my forehead with a nod. “You need a break, big man. You’ve already had a very exciting twenty-four hours, baby,” he murmurs. “I’ll watch out for our girl with Derek.”
“I’m not hurting her,” Patty sighs, shaking her head. “The protectiveness is sweet, but unwarranted. I’m just going to scan her for the kill switch, but it may be a good idea if the big guy leaves if he’s having a hard time. Lennon is going to need stitches in sensitive areas once we can get her to a hospital, guys.”
Closing my eyes, I shake my head and turn. “Fook,” I mutter, rushing out of the room. My stomach is rioting in horror at those words, and a trash can is shoved under my face as the food Mama Rodriguez fed me earlier today comes up. Shuddering, every possible thing that could have happened to Lennon to cause her to need stitches runs through my mind.
“Don’t think about it,” Orion bites out, and I realize he’s the one holding the bucket.
Gasping for breath, I sputter as I puke again. I wasn’t expecting more bile to make its way up. I feel gross, sweaty, and haunted.
“Someone grab Ror a wet cloth,” Greg calls out, and a rush of shame hits me.
I should be stronger. Less than twenty-four hours out of a drug overdose, and I’m clearly the weakest link here.
“You’re being too hard on yourself,” says a voice, a wet cloth pressed into my hand. Carefully lifting my face, I clean it of the gore left from my stomach evacuating everything inside of it. The coolness of the towel from the water used helps my nausea as I straighten.
One of Greg’s men is there, staring sympathetically and I grunt my thanks. “I don’t think I am, but thanks,” I mutter.
He goes to say something but I grimace. “My mouth tastes like ass,” I say, turning towards Orion. “I need to wash my mouth out after we grab Lenny some clothes. Hopefully it’ll be warmer than whatever shit she was wearing earlier.”
The man next to me raises his hands in supplication before grabbing the garbage can and towel from me. Moving on, he finds something to do as I start to walk with Orion to search for clothing.
“He’s right,” Orion says as he walks. “Why are you being so hard on yourself?”
Rolling my eyes, I ask myself the same thing, saying the first thing in my head. “I’m the weakest link right now, and I’m not used to feeling this way. It may seem like a bullshit alpha thing to say,” I grumble, “but I’m supposed to be stronger than this for Lenny.”
Orion thinks as he walks into one of the restricted areas, and then turns into a bathroom. It’s a typical open space with lots of shower stalls and toilets, almost resembling a dormitory style bathroom. Walking to the end of the space, he starts pulling out things.
Seeing the faucet, I wash my mouth out before grabbing an unopened toothbrush greedily along with toothpaste that sits on the counter.
“No one expects to see the girl they live their life for in the state Lennon’s in,” Orion says as he appears next to me. The fucker is as quiet on his feet as Turner is. It takes everything in me not to flinch as he pops up next to me. I was so focused on cleaning my mouth and tongue, I didn’t even notice him in the mirror.
Rinsing and spitting, I toss the toothbrush because I won’t be using it again. Slowly and deliberately, I dry my face as I think about this. Knowing Orion is trying to help, I don’t want to be a dick in my response.
“Lenny is one of the reasons my heart beats,” I confirm. “She lives under my skin and saved me when I was at my very worst. Knowing my tiny Valkyrie is in pain, and went through what’s essentially her worst nightmare, guts me.” Throwing away the paper towel, I glance at his hands, seeing it’s filled with scrubs and a sweater.
This conversation is getting too heavy to have with a relative stranger. If it was Derek or Turner, I would explain, but I don’t know Orion well enough to lay my soul bare. “Got everything?” I ask abruptly. I don’t owe my past to this man, not yet, not when things are so uncertain for Lenny.
Orion inclines his head with a nod, recognizing I’ve hit my limit for sharing. I won’t feel better until I can see Lenny’s gray eyes open, recognize me, and be able to hold her. My skin feels too tight, the sweat from being ill earlier making it feel sticky and gross.
Exiting the bathroom with Orion following, I breathe slightly easier without the gross taste of vomit in my mouth and on my breath. I fucking hate losing control of my body in any way, and the last twenty-four hours have been a reminder of what a train wreck I currently am.
Harsh?Maybe. But, I am disappointed in my slip up, and may seriously look into a NA meeting. The issue is, my addiction is situational, the high easily exchanged in the high of performing or fucking. I’m going to really have to sit and think about my next move, because I do not want to be manipulated by someone due to my addiction.
“What are you thinking about so hard?” Orion asks as we walk out of the authorized personnel part of the hospital and into the main area.
Swallowing, I look over at him. “I’m thinking about how I’m a pawn,” I tell him. Confused, he shakes his head as if asking for me to explain. Sighing, I throw him a bone. “I overdosed last night on drugs that were given to me by a stranger in Miguel’s club. The drugs were laced with fentanyl… how easy would it have been for Xav to put someone in place to give them to me?”
Orion’s eyes widen before his expression hardens. “Son of a bitch. I’m gonna fucking kill him. I’ll skin him, and then pull his intestines out slowly so he’s awake for hours in suffering, Roark. I swear it,” he growls.
My lips part, and I can’t help but be surprised that this type of talk doesn’t bother me. Killing, skinning, finding vengeance for people who have been hurt unjustly… this my heart and black soul understands.
“Thank you,” I murmur instead, nodding. “That’s what I mean by being the weak fucking link. He knew I would be itching to score without her—”
“Would you stop!” Orion roars, startling the agent talking to Imelda as we pass. I jump at the surprising burst of anger from him. “You need to cut yourself some fucking slack, Roark. You’ve all been stretched thin looking for her. I am not the best with emotions… I don’t process them well and you have so fucking many. Isn’t it exhausting?”
He looks at me expectantly, and I can’t help it, I chuckle softly. There’s nothing funny about it, he’s just so damn earnest and confused by me. I am loud, an asshole, protective, and growly. I also have a lot of goddamned emotions.
“Yep, sometimes,” I confess with a shrug. “I’ve met my quota for puking today, can you bring those in to Lenny yourself? I’m gonna take a little breather, get my shit together. I’m feeling a bit raw to be honest.”
