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It seems silly to be so excited, but having these gorgeous men wrapped around me all of the time has been hell on my panties. None of them want to do more than make out with me, and I love them for their restraint. Even Orion gives me heated, longing looks and kisses in the hallway.
I’ve been meeting with a therapist twice a week since I killed Dr. Bennett. I’m not sorry he’s dead, and that led to a whole host of worries. Am I broken because I don’t feel bad?
Dr. Evelyn Bradley is amazing. She works with a lot of government agents and survivors of traumatic events. She says her job isn’t to make me feel guilt over my actions, but to understand them better, so I can move past them. I interviewed six different therapists before deciding to speak exclusively to her. My track record with both men and women clinicians isn’t the best, so Greg wanted me to see who I connected with.
Evelyn is an older woman, doesn’t judge, and is very calm. I felt instantly at ease with her.
I’m currently waiting for her to hop onto our video call, to speak to her about how I feel about taking steps to rekindle my sexual relationship with the guys. Fuck, that’s what she called it anyway.
There’s not been any change in Xav’s status, though a doctor came forward when the Federal Bureau of Investigation did a press conference with Special Agent Ina Gomez. They discussed the people of interest and the crimes they have committed. People are up in arms about this, and I’ll eventually need to release my own statement.
Being under government protection apparently gets you a pass, though.
“Need anything, little girl?” Orion asks, and instead of being annoyed, my core contracts in need.
Fuck, that’s new. Biting my lip, I glance over at him and shake my head.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” he smirks, walking over to push his fingers through my hair.
It’s still blonde, and continues to bother me. I may just have someone bring me hair color to do it myself.
Orion pulls on my hair just enough to make my eyes meet his.
“I don’t know… maybe it’s because you’re turning me on before my therapy appointment,” I tell him boldly.
The click of someone jumping into the video call sounds and I flush, knowing we’re giving my therapist a show.
“Oh,” Orion says, and I realize he didn’t know he’s affecting me with his words. There’s so much I need to talk to him about, but I’m trying to let him tell me on his own time. I know he doesn’t have a lot of experience with men or women, though not how much experience.
However, I am enjoying teasing him.
Orion smirks, glancing over at the computer.
“I’ll come find you later on,” he murmurs, kissing me hard. I sigh as he pulls away, arching a little to follow his lips.
“Lennon, are you ready?” Evelyn says, tone mildly amused.
“Sorry,” I say breathlessly, turning to pull the computer closer to me. “I was alone when I first connected to the call.”
“I’m sorry about that,” my therapist says, wincing. “I had a call go a little later than expected.”
I shrug, because I’m not in a rush. “You’re totally fine. I wasn’t waiting long.”
“Okay, so we last discussed that this was going to be a big day for you, right?” she asks, and I glance at the door to make sure it’s closed.
They wouldn’t purposefully listen, but an open door doesn’t lend itself to privacy, either.
“Yes, it is. The nurse cleared me to have sex, said everything looks, uh good,” I tell her, not knowing why I feel so warm as I explain this.
Evelyn simply nods, making a note. “Perfect. How are you feeling about this news?”
I make a face as I think about it, and decide to tell her the truth. “Relieved, because it makes me feel less broken. The stitches were a reminder of what happened, even though all of the details are a little hazy because of the drugs. Sometimes I’ll have dreams about pieces of what happened and wake up crying,” I explain. “It felt like they ruined me.”
Evelyn nods, thinking as we process my words. “Do you feel as if your worth is tied to your body? Or that your young men think you’re ruined, as you say?”
I shake my head before realizing that I am and then force myself to think about it.
“I don’t think my worth is tied to my body, but theyhurtme. I was split in two, so I think more I’m living with the possible consequences of what happened. What if I didn’t get treatment, was still in the hospital, and died? Those people don’t take good care of their playthings,” I mutter.
