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A pang of pain rushed through her—for all the nights she’d wished him back, for all the moments when she’d have given anything to share the burden of parenthood with him. For all the moments of sheer joy he should’ve been a part of.
“Christian?” she said gently, walking farther into the room. She wanted to touch him. To lay her fingers on his shoulder, to hold him tight. To let him know that she was here to see him through this. That he could lean on her, like she’d done so many times.
But under the weight of his grief, she recognized anger and loss. The slight tilt of his head away from her when she called his name spoke volumes. So she kept her hands to herself and gave him space.
Seconds ticked by slowly, tension sucking the oxygen out of the room.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, he raised the framed picture of Jayden with his left hand. It was such a familiar gesture that her breath caught. “Who is he, Pree?”
She closed the distance between them, but he didn’t look at her. “My son.” She saw his head jerk back and blanched. “I’m sorry, that was automatic. I’ve never said this out loud before...” She swallowed and said, “He’sourson.”
His throat worked as Christian looked back at the picture. His thumb pressed into the sharp edge of the frame. “Our son?”
She sat down on the other side of the tiny bed. Despite her own need to be close to him in this moment. Despite everything in her aching to be held again.
“I found out I was pregnant two weeks after your plane crash. I’d been so shaken by the news of your accident that I... I didn’t even realize my period was late.” She looked at her tightly clasped fingers and then forced herself to release them. “That weekend at the cabin in the Alps—”
“I remember when he’d have been conceived,” Christian said, in a low growl. “Believe me, when my memories came back, no parts were missing. Especially that weekend. Every single time I rolled over to find you warm, within reach and willing, every time I woke you up, every time I buried myself inside you, I remember it all.”
The raw ferocity in his words made her stomach dip and roll. Molten heat pooled low in her belly. “Of course you do,” she murmured, her voice husky.
And yet, the day after, he’d been anything but that passionate, insatiable lover. Anything but the man who’d so desperately and openly made love to her. Even the friend she’d come to cherish and depend on had disappeared. Within a day, she’d found herself on the flight home alone without Christian even saying goodbye. Without acknowledging what had happened between them.
And three weeks later his plane had crashed and he’d been gone.
Caught up in her own naive confusion, she’d been glad that he’d maintained that distance from her. Had been relieved that he’d regretted it so much that he couldn’t even look at her.
In the last few years, however, it had eaten away at her. Why had he turned away from her after they’d made love? Had it been such a ghastly mistake?
“Where is he?” Christian said, pulling her back to the present.
“With Ben and my parents in Switzerland. I had a merger to see through and I didn’t want him to miss out on the trip. He’s very attached to Ben.” She chanced a glance at him. Only to find his jaw set so tight that a vein pulsed in his temple. “They’ll be back tomorrow afternoon.”
She shifted on the bed, her knees pointed toward him, but still keeping her distance. “Christian, I can’t even fathom what’s going on in your mind,” she said, reaching for his hand, but he shot up from the bed. Rejecting both the words and her touch.
“What’s his name?”
“Jayden.”
A stunned look entered his eyes. He looked at the picture and then back at her again. “You named him after Jai.” There was something in his voice that she couldn’t quite put her finger on.
“Jayden Mikkelsen,” she said, reminding him that her son, no,their sonhad his last name.
He said nothing for so long that all her defensive hackles rose. If she was a predator like the ones on the walls, she could’ve touched the damn pokey things on her back. But she calmed herself, pushing aside her confusion. “You don’t like it?”
He didn’t deny it. Suddenly, she felt unsure of every decision she’d made as a parent. As if he was questioning her very worth. Which she knew was a knee-jerk reaction. Clearing her throat, she said, “Talk to me, Christian. Ask me something, anything about him.”
He wielded his silence like a weapon against her.
When he still didn’t say anything, she whispered, “I did my best with him, Christian. And with your company. And with your grandfather.” She laced and unlaced her fingers. “I know that this is a lot to absorb, but I hope you’ll understand that I held it all together to the best of my abilities.”
His nostrils flared, and his shoulders were so tense that Priya wondered if he’d break if she touched him. He hadn’t said anything about Jayden, but she’d seen something in his eyes. Or was it simply shock at the discovery of a son? Whatever it was, his silence had claws that neatly dug into her skin.
The realization made her chest burn with something like shame. God, did she still want his approval so desperately? Or was it that there was so much she wanted to share, so much she wanted to unburden on him, and he looked like he didn’t want any piece of it—or them?
Just like that, she could feel whatever strength she’d built up over the years crumbling against his silence, leaving her painfully vulnerable to him.
She rubbed a hand over her temple. “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.” A dry laugh escaped her mouth. “I’ll be in my...in the master bedroom. When you’re ready, whenever it is, come find me, okay?”
