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He didn’t even lift his head as he whispered, “Running away again, Pree?”
Priya stilled.
Hot anger pulsed in his question. But this, this she could take. She could handle anything but the awful silence from him. “Sometimes it’s the best choice.”
The impact of what she’d said struck her deeper as the words came out.
Maybe that’s what she needed to be prepared to do at some point. To let him go. To walk away.
This wasn’t the old Christian she’d gotten back. Every passing minute made that obvious. It was very possible she was never getting that man back. And maybe it was unfair—to herselfandto him—to even want or expect that man back.
Instead of laughter and charm, this Christian was full of shadows and an intensity that made her skin zing.
“Good night,” she said, walking by him.
“Don’t go.” His arm coiled around her waist in a move to stop her. It had always amazed her how gentle he could be for such a giant of a man. Even now, pressed against her abdomen, his grip somehow managed to be both gentle and firm. “Please.”
She fell back against him, her hip hitting his, the guttural want in the last word swallowing her whole. Her breath quickened as the heat from his body enveloped her. Warm breath coated the rim of her ear and the arch of her neck. She trembled all over and his hold tightened. Bringing his corded arm precariously close to the swell of her breasts.
Every cell in her body seemed to coalesce there, waiting, wanting.
“I’m not passing judgment on how you carried out your responsibilities,” he whispered, not touching her anywhere else. Not releasing her, either. “Or how you raised...our son. Not at all.”
Leaning against him, letting him take her weight, Priya closed her eyes. They were locked against each other. Just like in their lives. She couldn’t deny he still had a place in her life. But neither could she simply hand over the reins after everything that had happened.
It was clear, even after all these years, that she was like a hungry sponge around him. Desperate for anything he could give her. She’d had eight years to imagine all the things she’d do differently if she got one more chance with him. But it wasn’t another chance when it wasn’t the same man.
All her bright hopes and naive expectations she hadn’t even realized she’d harbored, all the quiet whispers of her heart during the long, lonely nights, were clamoring to be given voice, shimmering under her skin. They would only lead to disappointment and frustration. And worse. If she let him... He could break her heart. Even if he didn’t mean to. Her falling apart at the slightest hint of rejection from him wasn’t going to help any of them—especially Jayden.
“Whatever you are feeling, it’s valid,” she said, thankful for her steady voice. “The fact is that we’re...strangers to each other now. Accepting that is the only way forward.”
His forehead touched the back of her head, and his thighs pressed against hers. She felt the strength in his large body—the slight shudder in it, even as he easily contained it. “And yet, my body knows yours.”
There was such deep longing in his voice that she shivered.
“As mine knows yours,” she acknowledged. “Or at least the lizard brain part of us that recognizes a source of mindless pleasure.” She smiled wryly, deliberately lightening the moment. “Apparently, I’m now into sexy lumberjacks who communicate through grunts and brooding silences and are into character-building celibacy bouts.”
His laughter rumbled out of his chest, sending vibrations through her own body. “Sexy lumberjack, huh?” His nose was at her temple and she felt his deep breath in the way it ruffled her hair. And then, as if it had taken him this long to understand the gist of it, a strange sort of stillness went through him. “You admit that—”
“That I want to climb up all over you and jump your bones? Yes. What’s the point of lying to myself? We have enough knotted past to wade through as it is.”
His shock told her what a monumental thing she’d done by admitting it. It came easily to her now—this honesty—but all he knew, all he remembered was the girl who’d been frightened by her own needs.
“I’m not the Priya you used to know,” she reminded him, wishing she could see his eyes. His mouth. Drink in his laughter.
Her pulse raced as she waited for him to pick up the gauntlet she hadn’t meant to throw down. The old Christian would have. He’d have teased her, tormented her and laughed at her. And would’ve taken her up against the wall, maybe.
This new Christian didn’t see it even as an invitation, she was sure.
“I’m sorry for not having the right words, for...hurting you,” he murmured and just like that, the tension and uncertainty between them leached away.
This was the man she knew. The man she’d come to admire so much. Even when he’d been at his lowest, he’d never hurt her.
“You didn’t hurt me,” she said, a little too loudly, determined to convince herself more than him. “That’s just your usual arrogance speaking, thinking everyone in your orbit is affected by your moods.”
His mouth opened against her temple. She didn’t have to see his face to know he’d smiled at her snarky comeback. It moved through her body, filling up all the lonely places.
“I meant it when I said I won’t break, Christian. Not at your hands. Not at your words. Let’s just focus on you and Jayden for now,” she added, settling into a sensible voice, smothering her own confusion.
