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“Your cuddles and kisses come with the highest recommendations,” he said, propping his shoulder against the opposite wall. The wall at his back felt good. The sun on his face felt divine. The sight of the evergreens that straddled the property... It finally felt like home. Yet the same contentment had escaped him when he wasn’t around her. And that bothered him.
“You’re welcome to give them a try yourself.”
God, the minx had gotten so good at teasing. Damned good at poking him in exactly the right spot to provoke a real response. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
He felt her gaze move over his face, just as welcoming and warm as the sun. She might as well have traced every shadow and plane with those curious, greedy fingers. “You don’t look so good, Christian.”
“I thought you were into rugged mountain men.”
He heard her gasp and felt desire curl through his belly. He was building up a database of all her sounds. All her reactions.
“How are you feeling this morning?” she pressed.
“Perfect. I’m perfect.”
“The guesthouse... Do you need anything?”
“In case you forgot, I had it built more than a decade ago to be the perfect man cave,” he teased, going for levity. “It’s still perfect.”
He waited for her to ask why he was avoiding the main house. Why he was putting so much distance—emotional and physical—between him and the rest of the family. Why he wasn’t doing his level best to bridge the gap between him and his real life.
“Your seven-year-old son’s much easier to manage than you,” she said dryly, surprising him again. “And that’s saying something.”
Laughter burst out of him.
Jayden’s own whoop of laughter from the yard tugged their attention. Christian turned to watch his son.His son—he was never going to get over that. “I spent so many hours in his room before I met him, touching his things, smelling his clothes. And yet I didn’t realize how real he is until he looked at me. Pinning me with those big brown eyes.”
A moment of pure harmony arched between them. It was impossible to not look at that little boy and know that there were precious things in the world. “That’s how I felt when the nurse handed him to me that first time. I’d made all these plans during the pregnancy and then there he was, tiny and beautiful and so very real.”
“He’s very...mature for his age.”
Priya nodded. “He’s extremely bright emotionally. Almost too tuned into others. Sometimes, I’m scared I won’t be able to protect him, give him all he needs.”
Christian reached for her hand and after a moment’s hesitation, she gave it to him.
He laced their fingers and squeezed. Lifting their clasped hands, he pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. Rubbed his nose against the soft, silky skin, unable to let go. Then he gulped in a big breath and forced himself to release it. Every time he touched her, it was harder to let go.
“What was that for?”
“You’ve a done a wonderful job with him. I can’t tell you how much I’ll always regret not being here sooner.”
“Thank you. I tried... I try hard every day.” She laughed softly. “In all the literature you read about being a mother, they don’t tell you about the guilt button.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s like it gets embedded inside you. Every morning, every night, every word your child speaks, every hurt they get, your first response is, did I do it wrong? Was it my fault? Am I a bad mother? Should I have done something differently? And it just gets more intense as they grow older.”
He heard the emotion in her tone and couldn’t help but take her hand again and tug her toward him.
She came. Sliding his arm around her waist, he folded her to him. She clung to him, plastering her front to his side, burying her face in his upper arm. “So many nights... I wished you were here to hold him, to see him. To tell me I was doing okay, to hold me when I felt like crying in those early months. To share a laugh with when he started to walk, to marvel at him with when he said his first word.”
It was the first time he’d heard that wobble in her voice, that insecurity. He’d been so deep inside his own head since he’d arrived, that he hadn’t given a thought to how she’d survived, how she’d come through the other end so fierce. And he had a feeling the only reason she’d even admitted this much to him was the fact that it was about Jayden, about being a parent.
“You’re doing spectacularly.” He squeezed her hard, hoping he could convey the right message. “I’ll do my best to share the responsibility. I don’t know the first thing about being a parent, so you’ll just have to tell me what you need. Where you need my help.”
“I don’t...” Whatever she saw in his eyes, she sighed. “I’ve gotten used to doing things my way. Don’t expect me to just give in to everything like I used to.”
“I don’t remember you giving in to anything you didn’t want to,” he said, a hard edge to his voice that he couldn’t control.
