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Tears pooled in her big eyes and her mouth trembled. “You’re not going to like it.”
“But you want to tell me,” he said, going all in on instinct. He could see it in her face now—this had something to do with him. The inevitability of it had been written on her face the moment she’d seen him tonight and lost all color in her face.
A sudden dread twisted his gut when she didn’t deny it. He was about to back off, about to walk away from this woman who’d already made him behave so unlike himself when she looked up at him.
A lone tear fell down her cheek and she wiped it away roughly. “I gave up my baby girl thirteen years ago. I...” She took a deep breath, somehow containing the huge sob that threatened to tear her apart. “I never imagined I’d see her again. I...didn’t even realize until I saw her four days ago that she still holds a piece of my heart. That I’ve been carrying around this love for her here—” she pressed a hand to her chest “—that would create a void in my very life.”
Her grief and revelation came at him like a punch to his throat. He stepped back, his thoughts an incoherent, terrified jumble. “You saw Meera at the rehearsal.”
She nodded, her chest heaving out a shuddering breath, but not crying. “I did. That mark she has through her left eyebrow... I’d know her in my sleep. I held her for a while before they took her away.”
Simon took another step back, feeling as if the ground was being ripped from under him. “Did you know who I was? Did you know she’s my daughter?” he demanded in a cold voice that was so unlike him that he hated it.
Her flinch told him how outlandish his accusation was. How much of a lie it made of everything they had shared. A desperate curse flew from his mouth and he thrust a hand through his hair. “Sorry.” He kicked a pillar like a youth trying to work his temper out. “God, I’m so sorry. Of course you didn’t know. That’s why you looked as if you’d been kicked in the gut when we walked in together earlier.”
Damn it, he should’ve never returned here with Meera. Never taken the chance on someone knowing her. But Rani had been the one who’d arranged everything with the adoption and he hadn’t minded as long as she was happy. As long as they had a child to love.
A teen pregnancy, that’s all they’d been told. A teen... He turned around, seeing the woman he’d thought so fragile, anew. “You...you had to have been so young.”
“I was barely eighteen when I gave birth.”
It hit him square in his gut. God, she’d been just a few years older than Meera now when she’d gotten pregnant, no more than a girl herself. He couldn’t even imagine what it would have been like to be pregnant at that age. The man who was responsible... Every protective instinct in him roared at the very thought of a man who’d take advantage of a teenager.
“What happened to the man who fathered Meera?”
“He was a fortune hunter out for what he could get. He was nine years older than me, and he lavished me with attention I was desperate for. You see, I’d always had anxiety—even as a child—and it grew worse in my teens. The public nature of my parents’ marriage, the constant media attention, the articles and interviews wondering if I was the talentless hack of the family...it made me such a ripe target for him. All he had to do was whisper a few empty promises and I gave myself over.”
“He was a predator then. And no one can blame you for his actions. Not even yourself.”
Something flickered in her eyes, making Simon want to pull her into his arms. Hold her again. Instead, he waited in silence, knowing she wanted to say more, holding the space for what had to be painful recollection.
“By the time I was ready to give birth, my mental health was at its worst. Not to mention I was anemic and far too thin. I couldn’t trust my parents to keep my stuffed teddy bear safe let alone a baby,” she said with no rancor, “Vikram was working night and day trying to dig us out of a financial pit and keep Virat from spiraling out of control, and my grandmother...she had her hands full keeping me alive and sane. I... I fought it so much back then but I’d have harmed Meera more if I’d kept her. I wasn’t fit to be a parent.”
“You don’t owe me or anyone else an explanation, Anya. Not for taking such a hard decision at such a young age.”
“I want you to know that I gave her up because I wanted a better life for her,” she said, her expression painfully earnest. “Not because I didn’t love her.”
Simon nodded, swallowing the ache her confession had lodged in his own throat. But whatever she’d gone through—however terrible it had been, it was in the past. As clinical and awful as it sounded in his mind, it wasn’t his problem. Anya...and her grief weren’t his to handle. Not that he’d proved himself any good at that when it had come to his wife.
He was only responsible for Meera and her well-being, thank God. Not this fierce but fragile woman.
“That choice meant she became our daughter, mine and Rani’s,” he said, without tempering the possessive claim in his voice. Without looking at the woman who seemed to wear her heart in her eyes. And in doing so weakened his resolve. “Rani adored Meera and gave up so much for her. Meera’s her daughter, even more so than mine, I think.”
“Of course she is,” came Anya’s voice, resolute and composed. “I didn’t question that, not for a second.”
Simon jerked his head around. But there was only calm acceptance in her eyes. Something about it steadied his own racing heartbeat.
He studied her—the composure she’d gained, the calm demeanor—and marveled at the strength of her. And yet, her grief was like a crackle of charge in the air, a shield she used to keep everyone out. He knew, without doubt, that she hadn’t shared the news of her discovery with another soul. Not her brothers, not her sisters-in-law, not a friend.
And yet she’d told him.
Perversely, the trust she’d showed in him made his voice sharp as he said, “What do you want from me, Ms. Raawal?”
If she was hurt by how formal and terse he suddenly sounded, she didn’t show it. He was beginning to realize that he had been a temporary escape for her, yes. But nothing more. Her attraction to him and everything that had followed between them meant very little in the bigger scheme of things like discovering the baby she’d given up.
As it should be.
“Nothing. I want nothing. Meera’s adorable and funny and talented and well-adjusted and happy and above all, she’s your daughter. I would never do anything to jeopardize her happiness, her sense of security. Ever.”
