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He nodded, amazed by the strength of her will, by the grace with which she’d pulled herself together. “But? Because I’m sensing one,” he said, a thread of anger in his tone.
But it was at himself, not her.
Was he already infatuated with this woman? Was it because he’d had sex with her, broken his years of celibacy with her that he was so tuned into her? Was it that for the first time in years his emotions were so sensitive to a particular woman’s? Was it because she’d made him feel alive like no one else had in such a very long time?
Rani had always teased him that he was oblivious to all the emotional undercurrents in a room, that it took an elephant stomping around for him to realize that something was wrong. And yet, with this woman, he sensed and understood every nuance of emotion, every rise and dip of her mood. Worse, he was left only to admire her.
“I didn’t plan for any of this,” she said, a hint of steel creeping into her own tone now. “I didn’t sit down and think... Gee, what am I going to do if I run into the precious baby I gave up thirteen years ago? Will I just idly stand by and watch her walk around without knowing who I am to her? Or hmm...will I mess everything up further by having wild, against-the-wall sex with her hot silver fox dad? Hmm...let’s go with the second option because my life isn’t exciting enough.” Her chest was rising and falling by the time she finished her tirade, her beautiful brown eyes blazing with temper.
Simon laughed. So loudly that a couple of birds resting on the sill flew away.
She stared, stunned.
“Hot silver fox dad?” He’d never been able to flirt in his entire life and yet, that’s what came out.
Her cheeks pink, Anya scowled at him. “I’m glad one of us finds this funny,” she said with a sudden primness that he wanted to unravel all over again. Then she sighed. “You have to believe me that I didn’t...”
“Don’t, Anya,” he said, her name falling off his lips so easily. Just once more, he promised himself, liking the taste of it on his tongue. “You don’t have to apologize. Not to me or anyone.” He thrust a hand through his hair, still feeling out of balance. “Neither do I forget for a single second how hard this must be for you. But damn it...”
“Can I ask you for just...one thing?” she said softly.
Simon nodded, knowing that he would agree to the most outrageous demand of hers if she looked at him like that with those big brown eyes and that ridiculously wide mouth and that earnest and somehow fierce expression.
“Please...don’t change your plans because of me. Don’t take her away from here because I’m here too. Don’t let what happened between us...change your mind. All I want is to—” she looked up, as if the sky held all the answers “—to just see her for the few months of the shoot. I... I’d be content to just see her around the production schedule. I’m already...” Her throat bobbed up and down as she swallowed. “I’m so relieved and happy that she’s been so well loved. I couldn’t have asked for a better home for her. It’s the one thing that makes all of the pain worth it.”
“Meera’s well-being matters more than anything to me.” It was a reminder to him as much as it was for her. “I wasn’t happy with her being here in the first place,” he said, even though he hadn’t decided to confide in her. “I... I don’t like how this industry will prey on someone weak or young or innocent given a single chance.”
“I’ll keep an eye on her,” she said, color blooming in her wan cheeks. “Without betraying who I am to her, I promise. My brother’s production team is the safest place for her and I’m already on-site for the next few months as the costume designer. No one will question my presence around her. If it helps, you can even tell... Meera that you’ve asked me to keep an eye on her. That way, we’re not deceiving her about my interest in her.”
“Isn’t that an added burden for you?”
She shook her head. “I’d have offered to do that for any young girl that came into the industry if I could. I was taken advantage of in my teens, remember. And that was despite my keeping a mostly low profile. Vikram regrets it to this day that he wasn’t able to protect me better. Standing on the other side today, I can understand his pain after all these years.”
Look at the two of them, being all adult and responsible and polite about this...
Simon wanted to believe it could stay mess free like this. That it wouldn’t get all tangled in emotions. That this damned attraction between them, the intimacy they’d already shared wouldn’t muck up everything again.
He gave her a nod and turned to go. Almost at the door that opened into the stairway, he said, “Why did you tell me?”
“What do you mean?”
“One would think I’m the last person you’d tell that you’re the biological mother of my child. So why did you do it then?”
“I told you, I didn’t plan for any of this.”
As she walked toward him, Simon couldn’t help but note the grace with which she moved, the core of steel beneath those tears and that panic. Beneath the fragile air that surrounded her, there was so much more to this woman. And that strength teased and tugged at him.
“Why shouldn’t I tell you? This is your daughter I’m talking about. After that night, I feel as if...”
“It was just sex, Ms. Raawal,” he said, infusing every ounce of remoteness he could manage into his words. “Damned good sex but that’s all it was.”
She tilted her chin. “I know that. But you were kind to me. That means whether you like it or not, I trust you. And I’d never do anything to hurt Meera. Or you.”
That she added him in that vow made a pulse of emotions spear through him. When he just stared at her, she snapped, “Is there a reason you came after me tonight? The stranger you took against a wall in the darkness?”
Satisfaction glinted in her eyes at his continued silence. Their non-answer hung between them, more powerful than any words could conjure. “Maybe that’s the very reason I couldn’t keep it a secret from you. It felt like...playing games. I hate playing games with anyone’s feelings. Especially when the stakes are this high.” She rubbed a hand over her face, her jaw tight. “And God, I’m so tired of fate screwing me over. Again and again. This time, I’m going to drive this, not chance, not fate, not the past.”
She walked past him, her head held high, leaving the scent of her skin lodged in his nostrils, and in his very lungs. And as much as he wanted to deny it, Simon knew he would never be able to think of her simply as the woman he’d had sex with in one moment of madness. Nor simply as the woman who’d given birth to Meera.
