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The following day I arrived at the college to an empty office as usual, but a part of me worried it would stay this way. I hadn’t received any information the night before that Roseline would be gone for the day, so I hoped she would arrive at her usual time, and I could somehow fix whatever was broken between us.
I focused on the paperwork before me as I worked through my second cup of coffee for the day, but I found my eyes trailing to stare at the clock more often than I should. I was going through the school email from yesterday when I saw the reason for her absence.
“She wants to withdraw?” I frowned. She was still asking for permission from me, so she hadn’t gone over my head to the administration, but if they didn’t hear back from me in a week, they would remove her from my program. My body stiffened as I read the notice and realized I needed to prepare for class. But there was a strange hollow feeling in my gut as I did so.
I wondered if she’d be at the diner again as I walked down the hall to the classroom. I had no intention of checking up on her, but I wondered if what I left for her yesterday would help. Perhaps she was offended, or maybe she’d be able to afford some food or pay a bill. I really have no idea of her financial status. I could help her if she would let me. I had no intention of going to the diner, yet my brain was constantly on that destination through lectures that day.
My research was currently at a standstill. I had to wait for things to grow before I could do anything more with it. So, I had time to spare. I found myself in front of the diner, even though I criticized myself every minute as I drove there. I pulled up and paused; this was not okay. Roseline didn’t want me here, she was clear yesterday, but I wanted to know she was safe. I had screwed up her life plenty. It was my fault she was falling to pieces.
The guilt I felt was crippling, and I stared out the windshield of my car as I looked for her in the building’s interior. I wasn’t sure I could let myself go in. I didn’t want to chase her away even further, yet I hesitated with my hand on the door. “Dammit,” I muttered and finally opened the door to walk out towards the restaurant’s entrance.
I stepped in, and my eyes scanned the room. She was there, taking the order of someone and laughing at something they said. Her smile looked natural, and jealousy bloomed in my chest. I walked up to the hostess’s podium, shoving my hands in my pockets as I waited to be seated. “Sir! For one?” a woman asked, noisily chewing on gum. I nodded silently, my eyes drifting to Roseline again. I was seated out of her section since I got a different waiter this time. He was young and plenty friendly, but he wasn’t whom I wanted. Still, I could see and make sure she wasn’t pushing herself too hard without her noticing me, hopefully.
There was something in me that had become hard to ignore, and I wanted to take care of her now. It was more than just protecting her. I just got my usual order before going through my email again. In my inbox sat something from a person I’d never heard of, but they had my last name. I frowned, uncertain if I should open it, considering all the spam I’d been receiving lately.
Against my better judgment, I opened the mail.Dear Aldric, This is your Aunt Cara. I am writing to inform you that your grandfather is close to his last days. I know your grandfather and your mother have had disagreements in the past, but he has always kept an eye on you and your brother. I hope you get a chance to say goodbye to him before he passes. Cara
My eyes widened, and I sat heavily against the back of the booth. I hadn’t heard from my extended family except once when I got my first paper published. They had congratulated me, but I had just thrown out the letter, enraged that they dared contact me.
I looked up at Roseline as she bustled around with plates balanced on her platter.
Perhaps it was time to mend fences.
Chapter 14
Roseline
Icouldn’tbelievethis!Aldric hadn’t accepted my resignation yet. I was surprised; honestly, I expected Aldric to let me go as soon as I asked. But I was still waiting the next day, picking up extra shifts at the diner when I could because I might as well make extra money while I avoided going back to lecturing.
I hadn’t seen Aldric since I’d called in sick, and he’d tracked me down. It was strange not seeing him every weekday. Especially when he had become so intrinsic to my life, but now we were drifting away from each other, or perhaps I was throwing up walls and shoving them against him. I needed space; I needed to think and breathe. Yet, I couldn’t see this as just a moment where I needed to get my head straight. I couldn’t imagine returning after what we’d done in the office.
I stood with Ciro in the kitchen that day, curling him tight around my hip as he clung to my side while I tried to move about and make breakfast. Thankfully it wasn’t anything involving knives or fire. He was unusually needy, and I wondered if he could sense my unease. I shifted my hand under his thighs to keep him on my hip.
Once breakfast was made and eaten, I dropped him off at daycare. I was uncomfortably aware of how much I knew I should be at the college, of how much I should see Aldric today. I’m not sure which bothered me more. Not seeing him or not teaching.
Work was relatively easy that day, and the flow of customers was steady and slow. I got good tips, but I found myself regularly looking out the door, looking for Aldric’s jeep. It never appeared, and I grew antsier at the day’s end. I don’t know why I kept trying to stay away from him when all it seemed was that I wanted to be near him again. Perhaps I actually should try going back. I hefted my bag back into the car, driving out to get Ciro, only to pass by the campus on auto-pilot.
My eyes scanned the buildings, searching out where the office would be if I were there. There was an odd feeling of emptiness as I drove past, and I realized I wasn’t ready to give up yet.
Once home with Ciro tucked beside me again, trying to babble in his tangled toddler speech about his day, I looked at my email. There was a message from the school. I opened it to see them requesting me to come back. I raised a brow in surprise, but since it aligned with my desires anyway, I responded that I would be returning. I returned to the campus by the following week since I had already agreed to work shifts assigned at the diner.
That Monday, I walked into an empty office, and the hair on the back of my neck rose. I seldom arrived before Aldric. Still trying to brush off the feeling of awkwardness, I walked to my desk to see a folder and a note.
‘Someone else will be taking over your observation. I apologize for everything and for not being able to explain things clearly. I wish we could have worked more together.
-Aldric’
I don’t know what I felt after reading his letter. I don’t know what I was supposed to be feeling. Was I supposed to be angry? Sad? Frustrated? I crumpled the note and opened the folder instead, seeing carefully laid information for the rest of the semester. Who would be taking over?
As I asked myself that question, an older woman walked into the office, wheeling a bag behind her that likely held all her documents and seemed to have a wonky wheel. She glanced around, and her gray-streaked red hair and brown eyes softened her face. The deep wrinkles of crow’s feet and sun-beaten skin showed she liked to laugh and spend time outdoors.
She smiled at me brightly, and though it should have felt comforting, a hollowness filled my gut instead. “Ms. Cowl?” she asked, extending her hand. I took it gently, shaking it before her eyes took in Aldric’s mess of a desk. Her nose wrinkled as she made her way towards it and began to organize, something I had dreamed of doing and yet now wanted to slap papers out of her hand so I could return the messy piles to how they were. I didn’t, however, since I was too confused by what was happening.
“Yes. Um, what can I call you?” I prompted. “Oh, silly me. I was just so distracted by Aldric’s desk. He was always a chaotic one. You can call me Charlotte,” her smile was still on her face, placid and gentle.
I stared at the folder in my hands and finally figured out how to feel. I felt betrayed, alone, and lost. I blamed Aldric and couldn’t help but feel he was running away from me. Had he left to give me space, or was there another reason behind it that he never felt the need to explain?
Irritated with how my thoughts constantly looped uselessly around each other, I pulled up an empty email before class started. On it, I quickly typed out a message to Aldric, asking him where he’d gone and why he’d left. I had my assumptions, and I asked him if it was my fault and if he was avoiding me. I looked at the words before I sent it, and my lip curled as I read the desperation in my words. I quickly reworded it instead of just sticking to asking him where he’d gone and sent it off.
