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ItoldhimIhad his child, and he said I was wrong. Like he knew what had happened as though he’d even been there. He had no right to tell me what had happened to my body. I knewwho I slept with and who I didn’t.
I didn’t teach my classes, and I knew it was incredibly irresponsible to leave Aldric in the lurch like that, but also, I didn’t think there was an excellent way to handle the situation we were currently in. I ran my hand through my hair, it was the second day, and I’d called in sick, uncertain of how to deal with what was waiting back at the campus for me.
Instead, I cradled Ciro against me as I read him a book, trying to forget how much I’d fucked up. His tiny hands ran over the textiles in the book, and despite how much I hated our simple life at times, yearning that we had more, and what was going on at my teaching job, I couldn’t help but feel at peace when the heat of his body pressed into my side.
He repeated words dutifully in his small, slurred voice as I said them. “Cat,” I prompted him while pressing my lips against his head. “C… C-ah-t,” he stumbled over the word, but it was clear all the same. I praised him softly, running my fingers through his hair.
My phone rang from the dining table, disturbing the peace. “Hello?” I responded, gritting my teeth. “Roseline?” It was the shift manager. “Are you free to pick up a shift today?” I paused, “How long?” “Just a four-hour one. We need someone to fill in for the short lunch shift,” she quipped, and I could hear her chewing bubblegum as she talked.
“Let me check with my neighbor if she can take care of Ciro,” I said. “I will call you back in fifteen.” “Thanks!” The sound of clanging pots and orders being called for pick-up almost drowned out her gratitude before I hung up.
My neighbor was thankfully up for babysitting Ciro. She was a grandmotherly type, who adored Ciro, I trusted her completely. I was able to get an extra shift, even though during the whole time, my mind was thinking about the fact that I should be on campus teaching the third class of the day. Still, I tried to focus and keep my attention on the job at hand. I kept a smile on my face as I placed plate after plate in front of customers, but I wasn’t present. I wasn’t certain if anyone could tell.
The bell rang above the door, again announcing a newcomer into the diner. I looked up to greet them, only for the word to get stuck in my throat. Aldric was standing by the door, talking to one of the other waitresses. I felt the need to hide, so I pressed the platter I was using to transport the plates against my chest to protect myself. As I sauntered to the kitchen and slipped inside without bringing any attention to myself. I tried to calm my breathing. I walked into the stockroom, pretending to look for something when all I really wanted was a place to breathe. My heart was racing so fast that I thought it would crack my ribs at any moment, and my hands were trembling as I set my platter down. I leaned against a small section of an empty wall and inhaled slowly.
How could this be? From what I could tell, he’d never been here before. Even though it was close to dinnertime, I was surprised he had left campus so early. I shrank into myself as I tried to gather my thoughts; I still had an hour. I needed to gather my wits and find some confidence. I pushed up from the ground and walked towards the door after taking a few more deep breaths. I grabbed a bottle of ketchup as an excuse if anyone asked. I kept my head down as I worked, and I was distinctly aware that Aldric sat in my section.
More money, but also, I think this strange relationship with him was the most stressful thing to have happened since I found out I was pregnant. I walked over to him with a broad smile plastered to my face and prepared to greet him with false cheer. “Hello! Can I get you a drink while you check out the menu?” I asked, quickly falling into the mind of a waitress and letting it protect me from the awkwardness surely waiting to happen.
Aldric looked up, blinking in surprise, “Oh, Roseline. I didn’t realize you worked here. Um, yes, how about getting me a coffee.” I nodded and pointed towards a chalkboard hanging on the wall, “Those are today’s specials; if you have any interest, I can explain to you, sir.” He frowned and tilted his head as he watched me for a moment. He seemed confused, and I didn’t blame him; I was being ridiculously formal, but I also needed to defend myself somehow from his grip on me. I rolled my jaw and nodded at him, “I’ll go get that coffee.”
He watched me walk away with a gaze so heavy I could feel it press on the middle of my back. It made me shiver; it wasn’t one of the lustful stares he usually sent. This time it was calm and calculating when I looked over my shoulder as I poured the coffee. He was irritated. I felt my stomach wriggle uncomfortably; I’d never seen him so annoyed. Sure, he got frustrated regularly and argued with me, but he wasn’t even thinking about that from the expression on his face.
No! Was he angry with how I was treating him? I swallowed my anxiety and carefully focused on my job of pouring steaming hot coffee into a cup and bringing him sugar and creamer. “Did you have any idea what you wanted?” I asked.
“Hamburger, side of onion rings, and add the seasonal vegetables,” he muttered. “Roseline?”I was taken aback when he said my name, “Yes?” “Are you okay?”
“Of course, I am,” I lied; my smile was beginning to hurt my cheeks.
“So, we will see you on campus tomorrow?” he prompted. I lowered my eyes, considering how to answer him, until finally, I decided he deserved the truth, “I’m not sure. I’m sorry, Aldric, I need to think about things.”
He frowned even though his eyes glittered in pleasure when I finally said his name, “You know if you drop your Teacher Assistant program, you will have to start all over again next semester. With a different professor.”
I inhaled, “That may be what I need.” Hurt flashed across Aldric’s face; I ignored it and walked back to the counter, pretending everything was fine even though I felt a squeeze in my chest. I couldn’t acknowledge the uncomfortable feeling; I denied that I had just vaguely told him he was the root of my problems. I had just said that he had caused this fracture between us.
But he was an adult and could take responsibility for his actions just like I could. If this forced me to step away and restart my program, so be it.
I called his order to the kitchen and ignored his table as much as possible without ruining my reputation as a waitress. I knew my tip would probably suck no matter what I did, but I wouldn’t fuck up the diner’s reviews, nor would I make my position as a worker here fall into danger.
When he finished his meal, he walked out, leaving cash on the table, I swung by to collect the plates and the payment, and I ground my teeth against each other when I saw the amount waiting for me. Inside the carefully folded bills was an extra hundred dollars. I wanted to be mad at him for feeling pity for me since this was a handout, but I couldn’t. Instead, I had to bite back tears as I realized I could fill my pantry that week after I got my check. I wanted to hate Aldric Haile.
I tried to wipe him from my memory and forget everything he’d ever done to me or what I’d done with him. But every time I thought I was getting away from him, he popped up again to leave me with something I couldn’t help but be grateful for. And he did it like it was the most natural thing in the world. He acted like an asshole, but inside there was something that just wanted to protect and give people a chance. I wanted to hate him, but instead, I felt like I was falling in love with him.
I had no hope if he kept offering his hand like this, saving me from myself as I scrambled into a hole, I constantly seemed to make deeper.
I looked toward the door he’d disappeared through and bit my lip.
Chapter 13
Aldric
Thedoorslammedbehindme, and I ran my fingers through my hair, grabbing at it as I snarled in frustration. She’d treated me like a stranger and then looked at me like I’d ruined her life. I felt like everything was falling apart, like everything I thought I knew couldn’t be pieced back together.
She had a child. She thought it was mine. But I always used condoms, and I never remember having one break on me. Why did she not ever get in contact with me if she knew it was mine anyway? It’s not like she couldn’t; I’m not exactly hard to track down.
I wanted to scream and throw things, maybe punch a hole in the wall. But I also knew that doing so would help absolutely no one. So instead, I took a deep breath and walked to a cabinet to grab a bottle of brandy and pour myself a small glass. As I sipped the warming drink, my mind turned over everything she’d said, what I’d learned.
She might not be returning, and though that fucked up my curriculum and my research for the semester, that wasn’t what bothered me. If she disappeared again, I would lose her forever. She wouldn’t magically pop up again; I was sure of that. My hands curled, and my nails bit into the meat of my palm. I took another steadying sip of the brandy. I couldn’t force her to stay, though. I could only continue with the class and let her make decisions about her life. I emptied my glass and ran my hand through my hair again with a groan. I just needed to get to bed. Writing today off sounded like the best thing to do.
