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He shook his head, not saying another word. He got up from his chair, nearly knocking it over in the process, and left the room with a slam of the door.
“I’ll check on him,” Jason said. Considering Jason seemed to be Team Gage, it felt like the safest bet.
“I’m going too,” Doc said, standing up and leaving before I could stop him. I had no idea what his problem was. My head was hurting, and honestly, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. It felt like we were falling apart and dividing into two separate teams.
It had taken everything in me to push past my doubts and fears in order to go into business with these men. They were like family to me, just like Ben had been once upon a time, and I felt like I was losing them.
I couldn’t bear the thought.
“Anthony, I don’t know what the fuck we’re doing, I’m sorry.”
39
Gage
Iwas about to round the corner, but stopped as I heard a voice. Doc.
“Hi Snow. It’s me, Christian,” he said. “I thought you were going to talk to the guys before leaving. I really think they deserve to know, and we need to talk about this. I really want to do what’s best for the baby.”
Baby? My heart raced and my knees momentarily felt like they were made of jelly. Did I hear him right? I had to know.
I rounded the corner and Doc looked up to meet my gaze with an “Oh shit” look on his face. He knew I knew, or at least suspected it.
He ended the call quickly. “Alright, well, please call me back when you get this, we’re all worried about you.”
He hung up and asked me, “How much did you hear?”
“I heard it all. Is it true, is she pregnant?”
Doc hesitated and looked down at the floor.
“Tell me, Doc. If it could be mine, I deserve to know.”
“It could be mine too, it could be any of ours,” he said, slowly looking up. “But yes, she’s pregnant, and she was going to tell everyone, that’s why I’m surprised she left so suddenly.”
“Shit.” I ran a hand over my face. I was speechless.. After I helped raise Claire, I thought I was done with parenting. I never intended or even thought about having kids. I had never planned to marry or have a serious enough relationship for that. But Snow… she had changed me. I cared for her, and it scared me. It scared me even more finding out she was pregnant.
I could be a father.
I placed a hand on the wall to steady myself. “Why didn’t you tell us?” I asked.
“I just found out, she told me the night she arrived and asked me to respect her privacy. I thought it would be best if she was the one to tell the rest of you and besides, I didn’t expect her to leave suddenly.”
“No, no, you’re absolutely right,” I muttered. “I just, wow, I don’t even, I can’t...”
I forgot how to form words.
A baby.
I couldn’t even remember Claire as a baby, my earliest memories of her was when she was around five or so. I couldn’t recall ever holding a baby or spending time with one. The possibility that I could be a father scared the shit out of me. My own parents had fucked me up big time, what were the chances I wouldn’t do the same?
I looked at Doc who seemed equally lost for words. It could also be his. It could be any of ours, as he said. It might not be mine.
I expected that thought to bring about some relief, but it didn’t. I felt something, but I wasn’t sure what. Sadness? Would I be sad if the baby wasn’t mine? Wouldn’t that be for the best?
“You seem to be going through some confusing emotions right now,” Doc said.
“Hell yes, I am. Aren’t you?”
