Page 63 of Following His Commands

“I wasn’t,” I lie.

“You were.”

“Okay, I was. But, really, where would I even go?”

“Mars,” she deadpans.

“Right, I’ll go hit up Elon for a ride to Mars.”

“Probably wouldn’t be the first person to try.” She laughs.

“Come on, it’s going to be okay.” Daisy links her arm with mine.

We walk into my apartment to find Claire already sitting on the sofa. “Took you long enough. I’m on pins and needles here. Get to peeing already,” she says to me. “Here, I got a few. We’re trying them all. Gotta make sure.”

I take the plastic bag she holds out to me and walk into the bathroom. And dread prickles my skin the moment I’m alone again. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Having a child is meant to be a happy occasion. I shouldn’t be so selfish and thinking about everything I’m going to lose if these tests turn up positive. That number one thing being Alistair and his reaction.

I pee on five sticks. I can’t possibly pee anymore. I line them all up on the counter, wash my hands, and open the door. “I can’t look,” I tell Claire and Daisy.

They walk in and lean on the edge of the bathtub. “Come sit down. We’ll set a timer,” Daisy says.

I lower myself to the bathroom floor with my stomach in knots. When the timer rings out through the room, I jump, even though I knew it was coming. “You look,” I say, standing and staring at the counter like I can will those sticks into another universe.

“Holy shit!” Daisy says.

“You can say that again,” Claire adds.

“Oh my god!” My eyes are glued to the blinking positive signs staring back at me from all five tests.

“It’s okay. We’ve got this,” Daisy assures me with an arm draped over my shoulder.

“It’s not okay. This isn’t okay. I’m not ready for this,” I whisper more to myself.

“We will be here, for whatever you choose to do. But I need that wine,” Claire says before walking out of the bathroom.

“OMG, I can’t drink the wine!” I cry out and follow her to the living room. I flop down on the sofa. “What am I going to do?” I ask them.

“We need to call Eloise,” Daisy says.

“Shit…” I pick up my phone and video call Eloise. She answers right away.

“Well, am I an aunty?” she asks with way too much enthusiasm.

“I can’t do this, El.” Tears are already streaming down my face.

“Nonsense. Out of all of us, you’re the most suitable candidate,” she says.

“What if I lose him?” I know I should be thinking about the whole new person I’m growing, and it’s selfish to be wanting to keep Alistair, but I do. I can’t help the fact that I’m so bloody scared of losing him.

“If he leaves you on your own, then I will have his head on a stick. I’m serious. I’ll kill him myself if I have to,” she seethes.

“I’m not ready to let him go.”

“Then don’t,” she says. “Dani, you have options, you know. And whatever you decide, I’ll be here. I can come home now. I’ll tell Gio to get the plane ready.”

“No, you’re on your honeymoon. Don’t come home,” I tell her.

“You’re worth losing a few weeks of vacation for.”

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